Depression...do others really understand???

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Sal the 1st — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:23:21 GMT

I often suggest to people that they write down their experiences ( and it doesnt have to be a public declaration, it can be something that only you will see or read) and not to use it as a reminder of the seemingly crap hand that life has dealt you but as a record of your strengths and all the things you have dealt with and survived.

I feel sometimes the hardest parts of depression are a) realising you do have it to whatever degree ( and some people never do) and b) feeling able to seek help, it can happen to anybody - its not an admission of weakness. It snook up on me and caught me out and that should never have happened to me should it? I am supposed to be there for other people and not need to be supported by others....yeah right! and then one day I sat back and thought to myself - hell I am turning into one of my clients. Luckily I have an excellent mentor and I was back on track pretty quickly.

I hope the numbers are useful to those who need them

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Rachel Jayne — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:33:04 GMT

Sorry, wanted to split my post up incase I lost it all!

I was then thrown into the turmoil of Daniel being born 11 days early by emergency section, as the midwives were loosing trace of his heartbeat on the monitor...not a situation I would wish on even my worst enemies... Due to his traumatic birth, he then spent, an agonising, 2 weeks in NICU.. which heightened my depression further, not only had I had all these horrible thoughts about not wanting him etc, just when I see him & want to hold him forever, he gets taken away from me, & I have to ask permission to hold my own baby... again, not a situtaion I would wish on anyone.

When he was eventually discharged, I seemed to settle into motherhood quite well (a friend said once that she thinks being a VN prepares you somewhat & it's true I think!) people commented on how well I was doing etc, but I wasn't convinced. I was constantly worried about him, because he was born so small, I was always convinced he was loosing weight, so would take him to the health visitor clinic every week without fail & would breakdown in tears everytime he'd only put on a few ounces...

Eventually in January last year, the health visitor convinced me that maybe I was suffering from Post- Natal Depression.
She took me down to the GP & he agreed & prescribed me medication again - a different one this time - Fluoxetine (prozac).
January to February is all a blur to be honest, I remember me & nath rowed quite a bit, he never could "understand" the depression, kept coming out with comments like, 'just relax', 'snap yourself out of it', 'smile for once' etc, which if you suffer too, you'll appreciate are the most tourmenting comments to have people badger you with!

The next date that I can remember after then is the 11th Feb 2011 (my sister's birthday) when I decided enough was enough, I was trapped & the only way out was to kill myself, then I looked over at Daniel in his crib & had visions of him just lying there crying when I was no longer there, so, the only logical thing seemed then, that I had to kill him too... my mind went into overdrive, precisely planning how I was gonna do it & that's when, luckily, reality kicked back in & I realised something was very wrong.

I got myself straight over to the GPs - at the time, my surgery was 2 streets away - the Dr on was a lovely young female dr, I'd seen before, so I felt comfortable talking to her...so I just let it all out. I was petrified she/social services were going to take Daniel away from me. But she assured me this wouldn't happen.

I was then thrown into a whirl of phonecalls, social services made an emergency visit to see me & I had an urgent referral to the local psychiatric unit, I would've been admitted if it weren't for my mum driving 2 hours down to Wales to collect me & take me back up to hers to look after me.

I was under the care of the psychiatric hospital for a few months & my medication was doubled again (you'd think they would have remembered from the first time!) At first I had a nurse from the hospital visit me at home everyday (as opposed to me being hospitalised), then it gradually reduced & I was just getting check-ups from social services every so often, their visits finally stopped in August & since then I have been ticking over nicely on the increased dose of fluox.

The psychiatrist's diagnosis was that I'd been depressed for a long time "deep underlying issues from my childhood" and the abrupt stop to my meds, difficult pregnancy & then trauma & stress Daniel being born, had just pushed me too far.

Nathan (hubby) is a bit more understanding now, February's spectacular, coupled with my psychiatrist telling him in no uncertain terms that he'd been an unsupportive husband, kinda made him sit up & listen.

So yeah..... that's my story.

Sorry it's taken so long, thanks for reading this far if you have!!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Rachel Jayne — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:09:14 GMT

I agree with the title of this thread, that people don't understand & that like Nick said, because people can't "see it" they don't consider it to be real.

Oh but it is.... I've been suffering for as long as I can remember...ok, that sounds crazy, but seriously, a long time, since I was in comprehensive at least.

I got bullied, a lot, in comp & that's what kicked it all off, then when I was 15, my parents split up, but we still had to live under one roof for nearly 2 until my mum could find somewhere else for us to live. She was diagnosed with depression at this point & went on medication.
We moved house 5 times in 2 years trying to keep away from my Dad, then in 2005, he died suddenly whilst away on holiday in Turkey with a friend.
He'd named me as the executor for his estate on his will, so I spent the next 8 months trying to sort everything out, including having to evict my grandmother from his house to sell it...it all got very messy & she ended up filing to take me to court... Yes, her own grand-daughter.
My solicitor managed to avoid court by us having a nearly 4 hour long medation meeting, which resulted in me & my sister ultimately 'winning'.....which conveniently took place a week before my final VN exams...

Against the odds, I passed them! And it wasn't long after I had all my results etc, that everything started to crumble....

I'd had so much to deal with, that last 5/6 years, that when I suddenly didn't have anything 'on my mind' to keep me occupied anymore, it all hit me.
In March 2007, after being reluctantly dragged to the GPs by my mum (who obviously knew all the signs) I finally gave in & admitted I was sad & needed help. I was prescribed Citalopram & started a course of counselling. The Citalopram ended up having to be doubled after just 2 months as i was still struggling & to be honest the counselling didn't really work..but that's probably because it was a bloke & I just didn't feel comfortable talking to him, anyway, I stayed on 40mg Citalopram for 2.5 years, before dropping back down to 20mg in november 2009, as I'd just so happened to get a new job the day before my GP check-up, so was really happy & positive in front of the GP & agreed to drop down.

However, the new job only lasted 2 weeks, owing to a major disagreement with me & the owner, so I was left, 2 weeks before Christmas, without a job & no money. I did get locum work in the New Year & the money side of things was manageable.

Then I found out I was pregnant....so I stopped the Citalopram abruptly.
I had just started a long-term locum contract at the PDSA, so I was secure job-wise, but god, was I ill Everyone always says how lovely pregnancy is etc etc, but I hated pretty much every minute of it, I had severe (admitted to hosp) morning sickness until 20/21 weeks, then when that stopped I had horrific heartburn.... I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was getting really depressed towards the end, started getting feelings of not wanting my baby, wanting to give him away...not very good thoughts.

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Sal the 1st — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 10:20:34 GMT

bump

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Sal the 1st — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 21:26:33 GMT

bump

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Sal the 1st — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:00:58 GMT

[quote user="Sal the 1st"]

I am posting these numbers and addresses for anybody that needs them right now

Samaritans UK 08457 90 90 90

Samaritans ROI 1850 60 90 90

email jo@samaritans.org

write Chris, PO Box 9090, Stirling FK8 2SA

vet help line 07659 811 118

and if you think I can help at all I am usually around to listen - a pm on here will find me

[/quote]

just making these easy to find again for those that need them. Arlo please would it be possible to make these phone numbers a 'sticky'

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

fairy — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 08:06:42 GMT

Just to let people know that some workplaces are fantastic. I was signed off last May and came back in july as a 6 week graded return. My boss was outstanding, very supportive and understands that I am still recovering. A few work collegues were terrible and suprised me with their lack of understanding but I know that they feel bad for that and I have forgiven them.

At first I felt guilty for being ill and unable to cope when other people are suffering with terrible things. I now understand that my body had to shut down to make me stop the burnout I was suffering from.

Depression is a very personal illness and since being ill, I have spoken to lots of friends who have been through similar experiences.

I have to work hard every day to make sure I get healthy food with a proper dinner time and sufficient sleep. I think this helps to keep you well.

Medication isn't for everyone but it works for me. I was dead against tablets before I was ill but at the right dose, they help.

I would have prefered a broken leg at the start. Something that other people could see and understood the reason to recover. Depression is invisible but just as debilitating.

Some workplaces and the support of friends and family is fantastic. You could be pleasantly suprised

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Katie B — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 00:20:11 GMT

I think thats a very good point, it's bad that it is something that is hushed under the carpet. My mum had a really hard time when my Nan died and she would have days when she was fine and others when she would hardly be able to get out of bed. It was tough to see her go through it but we all just rallied around. Good on you for bringing it up, I definately think their needs to be more support in the workplace for sure!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Phrin Vernon RVN — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 23:31:06 GMT

I'm struggling at the moment

I considered posting anon - but no point really as I have been signed off for a week, so work knows the situation.... to a point

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

flow * — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 20:08:00 GMT

Thank you Jenny the same to you if you need a chat PM me. To everone. Sometimes all it needs is a person to stop and listen. I feel alot better for letting it off my chest thank you!!!

its brilliant to know that there are places out there to help.....especially related to this industry cos it can play a big part but I would never want to do another job............I love nursing just dont love the heartless people that work in this industry :0(

xxx

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Steph Worsley — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 14:46:21 GMT

i am of the understanding it can run in families, as both my parents and I suffer!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Mac Feather — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 22:49:43 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]

I am posting these numbers and addresses for anybody that needs them right now

Samaritans UK 08457 90 90 90 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 08457 90 90 90 end_of_the_skype_highlighting

Samaritans ROI 1850 60 90 90

email jo@samaritans.org

write Chris, PO Box 9090, Stirling FK8 2SA

vet help line 07659 811 118 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 07659 811 118 end_of_the_skype_highlighting

and if you think I can help at all I am usually around to listen - a pm on here will find me

[/quote]

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Jenny Cook RVN — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 22:07:24 GMT

[quote user="jenniferlou"]

Jenny we have had a very simular life I suffered throughout school I suffered with an eating disorder and self harmed for many years. I also had the thought of who would know if it was me or the animal. I am thankful I found this post tonight because I am at an all time low and so fed up having poblems at work and feel stuck!

Depression is so miss understood. We had a nurse who was signed off from work and the managment where bitching saying what has she got to be depressed about laughing and joking. It is a serious problem and makes it seriously hard to admit to depression when there are people out there who are to stuck in there way and shallow to take a step back and understand this!

I love the quote your mum said!! I will be putting that one my status tonight to hopefuly make people stop and think

xxx

[/quote]

If you ever need to chat, just PM me. I put up with my mum being depressed and dont i know it when she's having a bad day! She is on tabs and has been for few years now, think she tried weaning her doses down a bit as well recently, so will see how that goes.

I loved the quote she posted also and have copied it to my signature line on here now.

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Sal the 1st — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 22:00:24 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]

I am posting these numbers and addresses for anybody that needs them right now

Samaritans UK 08457 90 90 90

Samaritans ROI 1850 60 90 90

email jo@samaritans.org

write Chris, PO Box 9090, Stirling FK8 2SA

vet help line 07659 811 118

and if you think I can help at all I am usually around to listen - a pm on here will find me

[/quote]

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Phrin Vernon RVN — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:05:18 GMT

Awww - To both Jenny & JenniferLou - Depression is a *** (sorry Arlo) - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

Threads like this are great, as it lets you know you are not alone! From what I understand, depression is particularly prevelent in the veterinary world, and bosses should be aware of it!

There is a anonymous phone line for veterinary staff - kinda like samaritans but just for us guys - I think its called vetline? - I have called them before, and they have helped me in those 'crisis' moments, as have the samaritans.

Hugs to all those out there that have had to deal with this demon of a disease!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

flow * — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 20:50:02 GMT

I love the quote your mum said!! I will be putting that one my status tonight to hopefuly make people stop and think

xxx

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Jenny Cook RVN — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 19:50:26 GMT

Ive been depressed when i was at school in my last years (yr 9 to yr 11) Mostly hit me in year 10 and 11 at school. I finished secondary school in 2004. I self harmed while at school and hid it well with long sleeved shirts and jumpers during P.E classes. One day i let my guard down and someone saw them and before i knew it i was called into my head of years office asking if i was ok andf that i should see the school counsillor and also phone my parents to tell them what id been doing. So throughtout year 11 i had regular sessions with the counsillor and seemed to help me through my exams...

I do still have really bad days and just wanna cry and the world to swallow me up, and have thoughts about self harming again, but dont go through with it. Although i thought a while back, who could tell wether it was me or an animal scratch and scar...

My mum has depressions and is on tablets for it... i dont know wether its something that can run in families?

But my mum posted something on here FB status the other day;

"Depression is not a sign of weakness..... Its a sign that ive been strong for too long."

xxx

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Mac Feather — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:54:21 GMT

Thanks- I can be rather good at telling people not to bottle things up- yet thats exactly what Ive been doing of late! Note to self- heed some of your own advice! lol

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Nick Shackleton — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:05:11 GMT

I think he main prob is that cos people can't see it (unlike a broken leg), they don't seem to think that it exists.

I know several ppl who have suffered with depression and know it is really hard to cope with.

hey Mrs Mac. Take it easy. Good that you can talk about it. Some ppl just bottle it up and let it eat them away.

Take care

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Mac Feather — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 14:53:47 GMT

Thanks, I appreciate it,sorry for been a whingey wet blanket!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Steph Worsley — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 22:53:27 GMT

ditto what Paula has just said!!!

anytime you want to have a chat or just a rant etc gimme a shout!!

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Saskia Quinn — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 21:34:43 GMT

Heather pet, I am sorry to hear that. Please keep talking to us, whether on here, in a pm or via text message, we can help you, especially those of us who know how depression feels.

I got a new phone today and a lot of my numbers didnt transfer. Maybe you could text your number to me again? Though me being me, left the charger in work and now the silly phone has gone flat!! I'm back at work in the morning though.

Chin up Heather, we will help you as much as we can xxx

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Mac Feather — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 15:32:46 GMT

Im struggling again.

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

Stella Skelton RVN — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:24:03 GMT

I've been quite lucky with my new job. Most people in the practice have had it or currently have it...as do i...whereas my last practice didn't understand it as much...or at all in one person's case...i find it does help to have support...i'd like to thank the people that do understand or at least those who are patient if they don't...x

Re: Depression...do others really understand???

zalenski81 — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 17:04:40 GMT

I'm so glad that someone posted this as it's nice to know people care for each other. My last employer was fantastic about helping people with depression which does make a load of difference.