i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Angiy Michael — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:15:56 GMT

Hi Lou,

Well done for being so brave and calling the police. Very tough to do and can be especially difficult to brave things out when you feel guilty and people say you are over reacting, try not to doubt yourself and when you are feeling you can't follow it through just remember how you felt when you made that decision and remind yourself how you don't want to go back there. I think you have taken a big step already, you called the police, you spoke to the helpline and you posted here..a brave and tentative step in sharing what must be a really tough time. I agree with the other posters def keep contact with the helpline, don't doubt the legitimacy of your experience, what happened happened and how it made you feel is important and legitimate ..ignore any future emails from his mother..ideally move to trash with out reading or set up a spam guard that puts them straight there..yyou have enough going on and people making you feel bad about your self- worth or trying to downgrade what happened to you and how it made you feel are surplus to requirements at present..eliminate any unnecessary upset . When it gets tough and you think you can't get through it just try to focus on the future and remember there will be a time in that future when you will look back on this and it will be a distant memory and be far less painful...keep talking to people and when you are ready def seek some support from the helpline or an appropriate support network. It's good to be ale to talk to people who have had similar experiences as it may be easier to share with them and they can relate to what you are going through and give you strength and support.

As regards all the bother in the thread, keeping things constructive and supportive is the way it should be , offering help and directions as to where more support can be given is the best thing you can do for someone. It's really important that people don't project their own hurt or emotional experiences on to someone as no one can know exactly how another person feels or what they should do , we can only empathise my relating it to our experiences or using our imagination to try to understand what someone is feeling and what help and support they might need. If you aren't sure what help someone needs and don't know where to start a simple way is to maybe just ask them or let them chat..there is no need for masses of negativity as it helps no one and the bits that have gone wrong in this thread have just served to upset lots of people and detract from the issue in hand which is supporting Lou so she can decide what she needs and wants. Sooooo everyone..lets have some peace amongst us all and thanks to Arlo for stepping in. Love to you Lou..don't be a stranger XXX

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:37:17 GMT

I've walked in a bit late on this one, but I'm completely with Sal the 1st. This is about Lou, and honestly, everyone else, if you are not a qualified as a counsellor, then all you are qualified to do is give Lou support and comfort, and point her in the direction of any helpful resources.

It is just ridiculous for anyone who is not qualified to get into an argument with someone else who isn't qualified either.

And I encourage anyone who feels they have been at the end of an insulting post to PM me a link to the post. New rule - any like the "sugar coated crap" one will result in an immediate two week ban for whoever posts it.

Lou - I can't imagine what that kind of situation must be like, but hope you're OK.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

emmRAR — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:08:04 GMT

Well done for getting out, it might be hard now but just look to the future, once this has all blown over you're going to be so much happier for it :)

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Vicky RVN — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:35:53 GMT

Hmmm i'm seeing attitude on this thread..............yet again...............deja vu. I thought this had stopped Apparently not

People have different views, which is fine, like has been said we are all unique! Would be a boring world otherwise wouldn't it? But in some situations views need to be put across in a sensitive way so has to help rather than hinder. Just my view so please don't shoot me down anyone! I'm not looking for an argument.

Lou, i really do hope posts haven't upset you too much. Get the help you feel you need when you feel you need it. Listen to suggestions and do what you feel is right for YOU. I've not been in a situation like it myself so sorry can't help really. Take care xxx

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Sal the 1st — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:52:07 GMT

as I said I am not taking any sides - I felt there were positives and negatives mentioned from whatever point of view, I do feel that things that were posted with best of intentions have been misconstrued . I made my comment because I thought with the dawn of a new day hopefully the bickering had run it course but came on here to find yet another comment that had the potential to start it off all over again! I agree Lou can make her own mind up and take or leave what she wants without a scrap breaking out.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Anonymous — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:55:28 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]

right - I think that is quite enough. I dont come on here to see people bickering! Pack it in! Advice was sought and it was given. In fact lots of advice has been given and I can see positives from ALL of those offering advice. I thought this spat had reached conclusion last night but it seems not - lets not have this go on any longer unless it is to offer useful, constructive advice

[/quote]

all i did was post some support and what i thought was constructive advice, yes harsher than some others but i'm not about to be fake and say something i don't mean! I think got a bunch of back talk from other replies which were unneeded. some people just need to accept that not everyone thinks like they do and they just need to either ignore them or just not reply. there was no need for any of the 'quoted' replies. just reply what you want to say and be done with it. Lou is perfectly capable of ignoring my posts if she wants to.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Sal the 1st — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:57:39 GMT

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Shelly vn — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:05:45 GMT

Here's to living in a sugar coated world! May we all be able to do it for as long as possible!

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

loopylou711 — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 00:30:25 GMT

I like Paulas sugar coated world! StephB ust learn to bite your tongue cos sometimes the truth is something we dontwant to hear,

I have a number to call and when am ready to face it am going to call it and talk to someone who will give me the harsh version StephB!

Don't apologise tho guys for having opinions! It happens, we will disagree and hey I know you guys are only a pm away if i need it so cheers!

Thanks!

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:39:48 GMT

"Snerch Sniff" cough yup(stuffy nose)

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:17:08 GMT

I also apologise for an 'innocent and trying to help Lou remark' that resulted in myself receiving uncalled for abuse from StephB - I always had your best interests at heart Lou, and I was trying to stop the negative comments, as, clearly, they were not helping your situation.

Lou, I am sorry the thread has become what it has - I am really sorry xxx

you always know i am never far away xxx

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Steph Worsley — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:09:52 GMT

[quote user="icklesal"]

[quote user="mrs mac"]

Right, this is Lou's thread, no offence intended to anyone but the last thing (in my opinion) thats of any help to her is bickering.

This is a sensitive subject and (yet again in my opinion) needs respectful handling as such.

At the end of the day Lou is what counts and nothing else.

[/quote]

I agree, lets keep this post about Lou. Hope your ok

[/quote]

I agree too, and apologise for my outburst,

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Sally Seddon — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:07:14 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]

Right, this is Lou's thread, no offence intended to anyone but the last thing (in my opinion) thats of any help to her is bickering.

This is a sensitive subject and (yet again in my opinion) needs respectful handling as such.

At the end of the day Lou is what counts and nothing else.

[/quote]

I agree, lets keep this post about Lou. Hope your ok

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Mac Feather — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:04:09 GMT

Right, this is Lou's thread, no offence intended to anyone but the last thing (in my opinion) thats of any help to her is bickering.

This is a sensitive subject and (yet again in my opinion) needs respectful handling as such.

At the end of the day Lou is what counts and nothing else.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Mrs Dot Dot — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:56:55 GMT

Hi Lou.... you know in your heart of hearts what you are supposed to do but only you can do it, and only at your own pace and in your own time .... whatever any of us say to you, only you are in your unique situation and know how things really are..... you are a strong independant women! and keep saying that to yourself and things will work out for the best... Good luck! x

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Phrin Vernon RVN — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:49:12 GMT

I'm with you Steph

And Lou, my heart goes out to you! I don't think I have any constructive advice to offer other than what has been said, but if you ever want to offload just PM me. Hugs

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Steph Worsley — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:42:27 GMT

[quote user="StephB"]

[quote user="Saskia Paula Quinn"]

May be better than you dont respond to this thread StephB - your words really are not helping Lou, in fact, they are making her feel even worse than she does already.....

[/quote]

Perhaps you should learn to accept the fact that not everyone in the world thinks like you do Saskia and maybe stop telling people how they should and shouldn't post? I am entitled to post and have an opinion on this forum just as much as you are. I'm not picking apart your posts that annoy the hell out of me with their dripping falseness and sugar coated crap. Please refrain from replying to mine. Thanks.

I believe Lou needs serious help and she's not going to get it alone. She needs to seek professional help and come to terms with the decisions she has made. If that upsets her, maybe that's a good thing, maybe it will spark some action in her life so she can carry on a happier person with more control in her life one day. but i'm not about to tell her, oh it will all be ok don't worry i will hold your hand. That's just not on or very honest.

[/quote]

Right Steph I have held my tongue about your posts on this thread for long enough.

What Lou needs at the moment is support from us not to be told what she should or shouldn't do, especially in the (what I deem to be) fairly aggressive tone you seem to be posting in. Maybe she does not help but she has to do it her own time in her own way, she did make a step and spoke to a helpline, yes she didnt speak to them for log but she knows they are there for her, not everyone needs to go and see a doctor at every little bump in their lifes path. and she certainly doesn't need to be told that the relationship got to the stage it did because it was her fault for not getting out sooner!

You have spoken to Caro and Saskia like they are a piece of muck on the bottom of your shoe, now that is not on, I am not only saying that because I am proud to call both of them my friend but the fact that Caro runs a bullying website and Saskia had the strength to get out of a bad relationship herself almost a year ago. They both have life experiences that can help Lou through this tough time.

Saskia posts from the heart, nothing about her drips falsness and is certainly not sugar coated crap.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:35:23 GMT

[quote user="StephB"]

[quote user="Saskia Paula Quinn"]

May be better than you dont respond to this thread StephB - your words really are not helping Lou, in fact, they are making her feel even worse than she does already.....

[/quote]

Firstly, I have no intention of fighting or arguing with you. I'm not the only one on this thread who has said your post wasnt helpful.

Of course everyone doesnt think like me, I am unique you know If you all thought like me and done what I told you all to do, now that wouldnt be much fun, would it?

Now, dripping falseness and sugar coated crap as much as it sounds like something out of a movie, I wont take any offence, I may even take that as a compliment lololol!!!

However, on a more serious note, yes, I agree with you that Lou does need professional help, and I feel that when she feels ready, she will seek the help she needs. Until that time, we should just be here to support her.

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:25:58 GMT

[quote user="Saskia Paula Quinn"]

May be better than you dont respond to this thread StephB - your words really are not helping Lou, in fact, they are making her feel even worse than she does already.....

[/quote]

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:17:34 GMT

[quote user="StephB"]

[quote user="loopylou711"]

I don't feel like a doctor is much use, am not depressed or anything like that. Like I said it is when hes drunk, hes not controlling or anything like that! Just when he is drunk!

[quote user="StephB"] IT IS ONLY YOUR FAULT IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!![/quote]

I did everything I could within my power and means at the time, to do something about it!

[/quote]

point made. you need to do something different. obviously what you have been doing or what you think you're doing is not working. go see a doctor, until you seek help and start making some changes for yourself you can't expect anything different to happen. sorry, but i'm a realist and sometimes you just have to face the scary things and give someone else a chance to help you help yourself instead of just hoping it will happen one day with no effort on your part.

[/quote]

May be better than you dont respond to this thread StephB - your words really are not helping Lou, in fact, they are making her feel even worse than she does already.....

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Mac Feather — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:35:22 GMT

Hope you are ok Lou- cant be an easy or remotely pleasant situation. Definately give any of us a holler on here if you want a rant without any judgement, cant say Im able to offer any useful help but I can try!

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:28:10 GMT

[quote user="loopylou711"]

I don't feel like a doctor is much use, am not depressed or anything like that. Like I said it is when hes drunk, hes not controlling or anything like that! Just when he is drunk!

[quote user="StephB"] IT IS ONLY YOUR FAULT IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!![/quote]

I did everything I could within my power and means at the time, to do something about it!

[/quote]

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Shelly vn — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:19:10 GMT

You don't need to apologise to us for rambling, thats what we're here for! In fact you have no-one to apologise full stop! I forgot to say in my last post that what you did took AMAZING strength, hold on to that strength and it will get you through! Like i said before, PM me if you need to talk xx

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

loopylou711 — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:16:11 GMT

Thanks guys for all your messages!

Everytihng is kind of a blur just now! His mum sent me a long and detailed emial on how I was drunk and no doubt over reacted as usual, shes such a lovely person, I can understand why she is upset that her son now has a criminal record , just can't believe she would call me a liar! Of course she is happy that it will be over between us as as she as told me in the past he can do better!

I don't feel like a doctor is much use, am not depressed or anything like that. Like I said it is when hes drunk, hes not controlling or anything like that! Just when he is drunk!

Steph, I do not find your comments helpful just quite hurting to be hones

t[quote user="StephB"] IT IS ONLY YOUR FAULT IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!![/quote]

I did everything I could within my power and means at the time, to do something about it!

Anyways thanks guys! The worse part right now is all I want to do is say sorry to him when I know I have nothing to be sorry for, I also know it has to be over, I just don't know if am ready to admit that to myself!

Sorry for the ramble!!

Re: i just feel like such a stupid little girl!!!!

Royalsuper_fairy — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:07:00 GMT

Big hugs! Hope things are ok, Feel free to rant about things on here or PM me. You've got lots of support here!