Depression

Re: Depression

NuttyNu — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 21:56:11 GMT

My father sufferes from depression as well (although the main battle is Diabeties at the moment!). he has had it for about 11 years, he had a medical breakdown and left work and has had it ever since. I think it had some relation to my grand-dad (His father) dieing but cannot be entirely sure but this was about the same time and i know they were very close. Christmas is not too bad as it wa s along time ago and with medication it is now generally under control. The worst time was just over a year ago when it was the 10th aniversary of Grand-dad's death when he seemed to be constantly in another place and seemed to be really down about things. Me being me, let this bounce onto me and it affected me in a bad way as well. After the month had passed and things got a lot better for us all. During the month we just told him at the start we were there for him to talk to and just tried to continue as normal so that he might start to fit back into the normal way he was before. I know i say normal but that is not meant to mean that depression makes you abnormal but i am more relating to routines and his way of life which changed during dramatically this month! really not meaning to offend people.

Now a year on, we have not (Touch wood) had another bad phase like that yet but have started getting problems with diabeties again (has had it for about 40 years now but started getting bad hypos recently) and am feeling like both me and mum are full time carers for him for both depression and diabeties.

It certainly takes a lot out of us doing this full time and also working full time and therefore it is also important to have an "escpae" from it all where you are not needing to work or do caring all the time. WIthout this, as i ahve descovered many times, you end up wearing yourself down constantly and you get no time to relax and you are always on edge.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel and no matter what it seems like, you will reach it in the end and no matter how much of a struggle it may seem to be, you will look back and feel a better person for having coped with it and having helped your relatives cope with it.

Knowing that is sometimes what gets me though each and every day.

Re: Depression

Vicky RVN — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:57:23 GMT

I'm sorry i don't have anything to suggest, but just wanted to say i hope you find the help you are looking for x

Re: Depression

Sal the 1st — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:27:35 GMT

[quote user="Sarah GG"]

My dad suffered with depression, I know everyone who suffers with it has it differently, but when my dads going through bad periods the best way is to be firm with him and not play to his moods, and because he has been turning to alcohol resently making sure to try and stop him drinking too much. although standing up to my dad means a few shouting matches i find it pulls him out of his lows slightly quicker as he realises that he is being slightly irrational.

on a personal level of you having to live with it, I think the key is making sure you have a solid support system behind you and you have people to turn too. Never think you are talking about it too much and talk as much as you need too, never feel alone there is always someone there for you. have you tried talking to your brother about how he is feeling about it and then moving the chat onto how he can help you to support your mum. Im sorry you are going through this as I know how challenging it is.

here is a website I dont know if its any use for you.

http://familyaware.org/resources/options.php

[/quote]

I agree - I will take so much from my mother and then I will actually ask her if she enjoys being a miserable cow and that I wont visit again until we can hold a reasonable conversation and without her trying to inflict her misery on everybody else. (dont worry I know what I am doing and sometimes its enough to snap her out of it)

Re: Depression

Claire Cameron — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:43:41 GMT

[quote user="Sarah GG"]

here is a website I dont know if its any use for you.

http://familyaware.org/resources/options.php

[/quote]

Thanks Sarah will have a look at that website

Thanks again guys

Re: Depression

Anonymous — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:41:29 GMT

here is a website I dont know if its any use for you.

http://familyaware.org/resources/options.php

Re: Depression

Claire Cameron — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:30:16 GMT

Thanks guys. You've all really helped.

She has good days and bad days. It's so difficult especially as my brother is neither use nor ornament half/most the time.

Thanks guys. You've all been great. reading what you've said has helped so much

Re: Depression

Sue Cox — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:01:19 GMT

hi there!

Just thought i'd message so that you know that you're not alone in this! I still live at home (damn vet nurse wages) with my single mum, and she has had depression since i was born! (there's an emotional rollercoaster for you!).

Its really difficult to give advice on this, everyones situation is different, but i think one of the most important things is to not get drawn into that black cloud too- difficult when you're with them a lot i know. Try and stay positive yourself and in that way you can be more supportive through difficult patches. I know it is difficult to stay positive in such an environment but try your best, as I often think depression feeds on bad vibes, and unfortunatly can cause you to suffer with the same.

Luckily for me, my mum has been largely "ok" the past few years- i think having a routine and exercise is really good for depression, like us getting a pooch has really helped, as she has to get up in the morning to walk him etc. Also just getting them out meeting people can be really good, like doing a yoga class or some kind of course!

It sounds easy writing it down, i know its anything but! Make sure you take of yourself too though, ok? Hope my ramblings have helped!

Good luck! xx

Re: Depression

Susannah Carrigan SVN — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:48:13 GMT

Im sorry to hear your going through a hard time! I suffer with depression myself and often wonder how it affects other people. I appreciate it when people are there to listen if things are worse and also to try take my mind of things!

There are organisations you can talk to (like mrs mac mentioned) that deal with people who are involved with others with depression as well as those who are depressed!

I hope this helps!

Re: Depression

Mac Feather — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 22:12:37 GMT

Theres also a book I think if I remember rightly its called 'I had a black dog' - its useful.

Also might be helpful to contact the depression alliance.

As Saskia said its not easy.

Re: Depression

Saskia Quinn — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:37:51 GMT

I am sorry to hear that Claire.

My dad suffers from depression and has this past 10 years. It all started when my brother died, as I am sure you are aware.

Though dad is on medication it is 'sort of' controlled on a daily basis. But he can get upset at times like christmas, birthday, anniversary etc.

I dont think there is any 'real' way or method to coping. I try just to take dad as he comes, day by day. Though I am different in a way as its my mum who bears the brunt of it most of the time - especially when dad has had a drink. I was working lastnight and rang home, dad answered the phone and he was drunk, I knew straightaway. I was home at 1.30am and he was asleep by then and by all accounts, mum did not have a pleasant night.

All I can say I guess is that you are not on your own. Dont know what else to say really. I have a book called Depression and coping with it - I would be happy to send it to you if you wanted to have a read at it?

Sending you hugs, I know its not easy