Teenagers!!!!

Re: Teenagers!!!!

BengalcatRVN — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:53:08 GMT

My parents have never spoiled me, and they aren't made of money, but last time I moved home (after a breakup of my engagement) they never charged me rent. But then I was rarely home, spent most of my wages on train travel (£300 a month), buying my own food on the go and only really ate anything at home on a Sunday when mum insisted on getting a roast together.

I don't think your being unreasonable. I would have loved to have given my mum something, but just couldn't afford to. My ex left me with a debt (never lend a man money, esp when he already has bad debts!) that I'm still struggling to repay. My mum was just happy I was doing alright, and had a roof over my head! She's always been proud of me, and even though I'm 27, I know if I need to I can always go home.

I now am in a much better relationship, and pay my boyfriend £300 a month, which doesn't cover much in a flat! My mum has a similar problem with my brother, he doesn't work, is on job seekers (when he remembers to sign on/my mum forces him to go) Spends all his time online, mum feeds him, ensures he has clothes, used to give him money (thats stopped now so he'll get his job seekers) but she feels she can't kick him out as she doesn't want him to end up in the wrong crowd. He's always disappearing, not telling anyone where he is going and it annoys me to see him treat mum that way. You can't say anything as he gets all upset, which in turn upsets my mum.

I got my 1st job while at school, working as an animal carer and doing dog walking, moved out at 17yrs after I finished school and have pretty much always made sure I could look after myself. I know my mum's there, and if I ever win the lotto, I'd make sure I gave her some just for being my mummy

I hope you manage to sort things out. I always said thanks to my mum. I must say we've def got closer over the years!

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Kim Buckley — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:48:20 GMT

I'm 23 and I've paid rent since I was 18. I pay £300 a month for everything and I don't mind paying it because I know I'm getting a good deal and helping my mum out! When I was at uni I didn't pay but when I was home for my holidays and working at the vets, I paid. I get annoyed because my sister who is 21 never tries to get a job when she's home from uni and so doesn't get made to pay anything! Very unfair if you ask me!

One of the receptionists at work was telling me her 30 year old son refuses to pay rent to her but she won't kick him out! Joke!

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Saskia Quinn — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:43:43 GMT

Finnigan,

I am sorry to hear of your troubles - however, I would listen to what others have already said. I think you should definitely stick to your guns this time - carry out the threats. My guess is she will come running back when she realises just how much it costs to be alone in the real world.

My sister was the youngest and was always a spoilt brat - got everything she ever wanted, and what is she now? A downright nasty piece of work, who cannot even speak a civil word to my parents. She is no longer spoiled - but she is living on my dads land, in a mobile home with her husband and one child, gets her electricity off my parents and has no mortgage, the only bills she has is her phone, heating and groceries.

BUT.......my parents now regret that they spoiled her for as long as they did. It didnt help her in anyway to have respect for others, she is so caught up in her own world that no one else matters - not even my parents.

She had a job in a restaurant once, and she left it because the boss had to show her how to mop a floor!!!!! She sponged off my parents after that for a good many years - she is now an accountant, BUT..........a bitch with no personality and nothing to show only her bad manners.

Sad to say it, but my parents caused that.

Dont make the same mistake they did.

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Sal the 1st — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:01:18 GMT

if she wants to use your place as a hotel suggest you charge her a per night occupancy rate with service charge - it might get through that way! or she may decide it is cheaper to stay with bf

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:57:38 GMT

And she needs some place to stay thats cheap and she can get away with what she wants. She has already come running home... newsflash no reason for it to be easy there, you have to live in the real world, she needs to learn. Put an advert for a room and whatever in the local papers and you will be swamped with people. Wouldn't be surprised if family of friends of yours wanted the room.

So it cuts both ways, and cut out all the extras like meals on demand etc etc etc.

Re: Teenagers!!!!

FINNIGAN — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:36:00 GMT

thanku for all your comments my anger has subsided, i must be tougher and stick to what i say, trouble is i make these threats to her and never carry them out, maybe nows the time to do it, trouble is i need that 40 pound , and she knows it!!

Re: Teenagers!!!!

les punton — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:35:51 GMT

defo not out of order

I use to pay £25 a week (thought it was alot at the time but would love to be paying that again!) I often used to buy shopping and stuff though.

Think you dont relise til you move out.

I remember my mam giving me a hard time for not putting my shoes away ............now I live with my bf thats one of my gripes with him haha.

She is old enough to be responable x

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:27:39 GMT

Hi Finnigan, I too have teenagers, one is 18 and has left home for the RAF, but she used to complain all the time when at home because I charged her rent too, she would also say that "her friends thought I was out of order" but I never fell for that old line.... She paid 25 pounds per week, and I would subsidise her bus fares to college and give her dinner money, which meant in effect I made no money towards her upkeep. When I pointed this out to her and said I can stop subsidising you and we will see how far your money goes.. she soon took note and actually saw she was onto a good thing.

As I said before she is no in the RAF and earning a good wage, she was home for 1 month on sick leave and got very shirty with me because I told her I was charging her rent money for the month. I pointed out that since she has left home, my phone bill which I pay monthly by DD is now in credit to the tune of 100 pounds and my gas payments have dropped from 88 pounds per month to 60 and I also got a rebate of 250 on my payments as I was that much in credit.

Dont let her walk over you and dont feel guilty either... teenagers are good at playing the guilt card and they know it. Tell her to pay her way or show her the door, I can assure you she will give in.

Re: Teenagers!!!!

FINNIGAN — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:12:21 GMT

she did move out last year , thought the grass was greener on the other side, but after 4 months she came back, it was an awfull time for me as shes all i have, she was paying to share a house with 3 others and paying 60 pound a week, for a tiny box room, when she came home she was in a mess, clothes stinking etc, i was appuld as she was not brought up like this, she is now behaving the same way as she doid before moved out before, im sorry to rant so much but it gets me down, ive got my final exams this week so stressed enuff, but she doesnt even ask about that , all your feed back is good this site is so caring and you are all a great support to each other

Re: Teenagers!!!!

FINNIGAN — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:06:29 GMT

she pays me 40 pound a week, she gets washing, food when she wants it, heat water electricity, broadband the bloody lot, she never visits her grandparents or even thinks to pick up the telephone to call, i was unwell last week with flu, not once did she ask if i was ok, she didnt offer to walk the dogs or help me out, i still did it with the flu, i end up feeling guilty all the time, then get angry at her, her boyfriends mum wont let him stay in his own house as her new boyfriend doesnt like him, i let him stay here a few times and have cooked meals for them, but get nothing back, im so upset with her and want to teach her a lesson, but am scared to at the same time, i feel i have failed big time,i just cannot get her to see what she s doing and why its wrong!!

Re: Teenagers!!!!

albatross — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:04:04 GMT

nope, you're not out of order but they don't realise.

Get hold of local paper, circle properties for rent which would be suitable. Then cost out the other expenditure for that property such as furninshing, gas, water, electric, council tax, insurance.

Then make a list of all your actual household bills and work out on paper a monthly outgoing.

Catch her on a quiet moment and give her the list and say that if you don't charge her rent, could she see ways to help you reduce the outgoings instead.

If they realise how much life really costs, and if they're involved in the income and expenditure process it sometimes makes them feel more grown up and more in control of what is being asked of them.

Another thing to do is if you know any of the other parents, to all get together and discuss how much real life actually costs. Ok, they may not charge their offspring but they may be better off financially, or maybe they actually do charge and she's just trying to swing it.

My friend is charged £200 a month by her parents, and although having returned home after her relationship failed, and would love to live alone, and moans at the cost of rent, she can see how much it would cost her to go it alone, and her parents broke down all costs so she could see that she actually pays 1/3 of all the household bills (which I'm sure is more than a lot of other parents charge their offspring but probably half what it would cost her on her own).

Re: Teenagers!!!!

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:59:17 GMT

Nope not out of order. She wants to live with b/f fine move out. Rent the room out and help yourself she is able to support herself and has been babied for to long. Now she needs to meet the real world.

I would give her notice to quit in ... weeks or agree to pay rent on a monthly basis at whatever you can rent it out at.