Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

EdenNZ — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 23:13:48 GMT

Thanks everyone - it's much appreciated!!

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Kerry Spain — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:44:22 GMT

oh god I'm so tempted to print it out and stick it on the waiting room wall!!!!

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Katie Tallett RVN MBVNA — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:17:10 GMT

haha, thanks for that- its fab!!

can't get into the old site but didn't register until it had changed so don't know if that makes a difference??

now just to copy and paste that to our inweb notice board.......!!

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Nick Shackleton — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:59:14 GMT

SCROLL UP SAL!!!!

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Sal the 1st — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:57:24 GMT

if you log in to the old site you should be able to get it from the link above - but you do need to log in to the old site first

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Nick Shackleton — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:57:13 GMT

Press 01 to make an appointment.

Press 02 to tell us your life history as well as
your pets.

Press 03 to speak directly to a human doctor.

Press 04 if you feel your pets condition is more
important than the emergency patient the vet is
currently seeing.

Press 05 if your pet's condition has persisted 6
months but has suddenly become an emergency and
needs seeing this evening because your are going on
holiday tomorrow.

Press 06 if you want us to trim the nails on your
100 pound aggressive dog.

Press 07 if you demand immediate treatment but would
like us to hold a check for you until next month.

Press 08 if you would like to post date a previously
postdated check.

Press 09 if you need to bring in 10 unvaccinated
puppies with vomiting and diarrhea and you'll only
have £10 in your pocket.

Press 10 if you plan to arrive at our surgery
facility in a new Jaguar XJS but can only pay for
routine vaccinations at £5 a month.

Press 11 if you want to express your unfounded anger
at a receptionist or technician.

Press 12 to determine if your pet's condition is
serious enough to be seen immediately. If it is
after midnight, our team of experts will be standing
by to debate the issue with you for as long as it
takes to agree it can wait until tomorrow.

Press 13 if your pet hasn't eaten in 10 days and
you've only just become concerned.

Press 14 if your reptilian pet has been living in an
incredibly small tank in a cold dark room and has
not eaten for 60 days, despite you having offered it
several types of chocolate and crisps.

Press 15 if your pet has removed its bandage because
you took off the E-collar, even though we explicitly
requested you leave it on.

Press 16 to find out our busiest times, so that you
can ensure that when you show up without an
appointment and demand to be seen, maximum chaos
will ensue.

Press 17 if you would like to disagree with the
veterinarians' diagnosis or treatment plan because
you read something different on the 'net.

Press 18 if you think people have been coming into
your house at night and pulling out your cat's teeth
(and all teeth are present on exam).

Press 19 if you need to ask the same question 30
times just in case the answer might change.

Press 20 if you think that your dog is suicidal.

Press 21 if, even after three previous phone calls
in which you were told that we are a Veterinary
Hospital and DO NOT sell parrots, you still need
clarification of the matter!

Press 22 if your dog hasn't had a bowel movement in
more than 8 days, you are just now getting
concerned, are disabled and have no money and you
just want free advice over the phone.

Press 23 if you are not a client but were referred
by a "good friend" and you want to call the vet at
home in the early morning as she is trying to get
ready for work and get her kid up for school as you
can talk about your pet who has been seen by another
vet but is not getting better and you want to set up
an appointment with her for a second opinion but
first you want to know how much for an exam fee.

Press 24 if you are allergic to electricity and want
all the electric equipment turned off while you are
in the clinic.

Press 25 if you get a puppy from the shelter, it
comes down with parvo, and you are extremely angry
that no vet will treat it for free.

Press 26 if you want to know what type of home
medical care you need to give your dead rabbit when
you pick it up.

Press 27 if you would like to call the vet at home
after hours on his/her day off to discuss whether
your pet's problem is worth bothering the vet who's
on call (at the same practice).

Press 28 if you would like an appointment to strip
in the exam room to show the vet (pick one):

a) the skin rash/sores that you think are
caused by your pet,

b) your current surgery incisions to see
whether they are healing properly and whether or not
the vet thinks that the human surgeon did the
surgery properly,

c) your old surgery/battle scars so you can
boast what a tough person you are and why your pet
doesn't need pain meds for its pending surgical
procedure,

d) your skin lumps to see if the vet thinks
they need to be removed (and whether or not the vet
would be willing to remove them instead of going to
their human doctor).

Press 29 if you still consider the cat you've owned
for 10 years a stray because now it is sick.

Press 30 if you are angry because you declined all
treatments and your pet is now decompensating
rapidly.

Press 31 if your unspayed 10 year old dog has been
in labor for over 2 days (when you suddenly realize
she was pregnant), and you now suspect "somethin's
wrong".

Press 32 if your "rockwilder got the mange".

Press 33 if your 200lb Newfoundland has ingested 5
cadburys' buttons and you're worried he will die.

Press 34 if you've already given your kitten paracetamol
and want to know if it was the right thing to do!

Press 35 if your dog was neutered 6 weeks ago and
you are angry because the testicles were removed.

Press 36 if your dog got into your stash of pot but
you don't want to admit it for fear of what we'll
"think" of you.

Press 37 if you want your dog to be spayed but want
the vet to come to the house and crawl under the
porch to do it because she will not come out.

Press 38 if you think your chinchilla has a urinary
tract infection because you've observed him "sucking
his penis" (client actually used a different noun
that rhymes with rock).

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Katie Tallett RVN MBVNA — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:54:03 GMT

can somebody post it on here?? i can't get to the link and i really wanna read it now!!

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Practice Manager — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:28:32 GMT

heres the link

Utopia Animal Hospital Joke

Re: Utopia Animal Hospital joke??

Caro Laithwaite VN — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:25:58 GMT

If you have the patience go onto the old vetnurse site (link on the homepage here) and scroll down through funnies there is about 30pages but it is in that lot. I did make a start but gave up. I think it is in the first 15 set of pages if that is a bit of a help. knowing my luck it is in the last lot but l do not think it was posted all that long ago.