Drawing a line........

Re: Drawing a line........

Sal the 1st — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 22:08:06 GMT

I once remember telling a vet 'I knew from the very first day you would be bloody trouble, nobody can get anal glands that far up the wall without making a really big effort to piss off the nursing staff' - I was recalling his first day in the practice 7 years earlier.

Re: Drawing a line........

Freckle — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 22:04:47 GMT

[quote user="MissVetNurse"]

[quote user="mrs mac"]

I can have a row and cast up stuff from years ago-ridiculous really.

[/quote]

me too! i think its human nature when you get REALLY riled to bring up stuff that would be better forgotten - happens to us all I reckon though! Even if you have reasoned and forgiven etc - in the heat of the moment it all spews out I find!!

Yeah me too, my memory is pretty bad but when it comes to stuff like this I'll remember it like it was yesterday

[/quote]

Re: Drawing a line........

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 22:04:12 GMT

I do the exact same, I have to say though, I dont think its healthy to think like that.

I'm not preaching as I am same but sometimes I wonder if the 'thing' from years ago was never fully resolved at the time? Communication is the vital key.

I should practice what I preach lolol!!!!

Re: Drawing a line........

Claire Cameron — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:59:51 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]

I can have a row and cast up stuff from years ago-ridiculous really.

[/quote]

Yeah me too, my memory is pretty bad but when it comes to stuff like this I'll remember it like it was yesterday

Re: Drawing a line........

Mac Feather — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:57:58 GMT

I can have a row and cast up stuff from years ago-ridiculous really.

Re: Drawing a line........

Claire Cameron — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:46:08 GMT

[quote user="Charlotte says smile"]

I find it very hard to forgive and forget, I forgive in the sense that I will act normal around the person but I never forget but I have to talk myself out of being annoyed. In day to day if someone has peeed me off for something then apparently my face says it all..........

[/quote]

I'm exactly the same. I often think i've forgiven or forgotten n it all comes back

Re: Drawing a line........

Charlotte says smile — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:44:31 GMT

Re: Drawing a line........

Claire Cameron — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:35:52 GMT

I used to bear grudges really badly. I try and think like Freckle now.

The guy who wrote this website has a really good idea too

http://www.thesumoguy.com/explained.php

basically "how would you feel about this situation in 5 years time"? xx

Re: Drawing a line........

Freckle — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:33:20 GMT

i bear grudges too....

i have in the past found a way around them though - and that is to try and find a reason for someone acting in that way (they may have any number of issues unkown previously etc etc), and then to try and put myself in their mindset, in that situation.... and ask myself honestly how i would act... some of them i have thought - nope - they are still a bitch, i would never act that way in a million years, but sometimes this has helped me - ie realising someone has depression or insecurity issies which makes them act in a certain way..

if i come to the conclusion they are vindictive idiots then i just ignore them, and refuse to let them bait me - aint worth the effort!

Re: Drawing a line........

Sal the 1st — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:26:29 GMT

same for me - give me a shout I am usually hanging around somewhere

This is how I 'forgive'. What would be more annoying to a person who has done you wrong? would it be knowing that you will be thinking about what they have done and rerunning things over and over again or would it be that you cant be bothered to spend the time thinking about them? - By the way I had to be taught this and it didnt come easy at first. Another way to do it would be to pity the perpetrator that they have had to do something so hurtful to get a reaction.

Re: Drawing a line........

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:13:01 GMT

as I said to you earlier Heather, you can give me a shout anytime xx

Re: Drawing a line........

Mac Feather — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:58:09 GMT

Everyone has made good points and I appreciate every one of them.

I think Sal that you are right not to waste energy on these things and Im trying not to but its easier said than done I guess.

Thanks- really glad to get your opinions and get some of my stuff off my chest instead of bottling it up.

Re: Drawing a line........

Sal the 1st — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:33:06 GMT

I can forgive as it takes more of my energy to carry on hating somebody than it does to just forget about them. Having said that I never forget the act - and following the rules of Karma if at some time in the future the perpetrator gets whats coming then that makes me very happy , but I would never waste my energy trying to make it happen.

Re: Drawing a line........

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:31:21 GMT

I am also a very sensitive person. I hold grudges as well and find it very difficult to forget things, especially if I have been badly hurt in the past.

It does get easier with time Heather, sometimes we just have to grin and bear it and get on as best we can.

You know where I am if you ever want to chat xx

Re: Drawing a line........

Deemus — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:15:21 GMT

I have to say that I'm the same. I bear a terrible grudge and even though I know it's gonna gnaw away at me I find that I just can't let it go.

I tried revenge and whilst it was great in the short term, ultimately it left a nasty taste in my mouth. Hmm, tricky..........

Re: Drawing a line........

Kerry Spain — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:06:04 GMT

I dislike arguing and falling out with people but if someone pees me off then I bear grudges... BIG ones too

I suggest revenge as its oh so very sweet and if you don't agree then you've never had a taste

Re: Drawing a line........

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:59:19 GMT

No it isn't my eyes it is the fact l will tell them o their face what they have done.

Re: Drawing a line........

dinkyd — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:59:13 GMT

Im the same - im quite a sensitive person but try my best to hide it!So people will think im absolutely fine but in reality they have no idea whats going on!

I have been extremely hurt and let down by someone who i though was a very close friend had been through so much together and she was my head bridesmaid at our wedding last year.For some reason - i have absolutely no idea what - but i came back from honeymoon and she hasnt spoken to me since my wedding.Shes never seen the wedding album, she has no photos of us on her bebo (not the end of the world i know),she never asked how honeymoon was etc.I am absolutely gutted - i txt to her to wish happy bday when was that time - nothing not even a reply.

She has no idea how much she has hurt me.I too have tried to move on but very difficult when you have had such a close relationship.Was worse as she was a colleague at my previous job and it didnt make me feel in a very good place emotionally and contributed to me leaving.But i have obviously done something awful!Just no idea what!

Anyway iv rambled - didnt mean to.

Re: Drawing a line........

Julie — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:55:35 GMT

If someone really hurts me then I will never forgive and forget. Sorry, but if they do it once then will probably do it again.

If it was a member of my immediate family then that may be a bit more difficult so it would depend on how close they were to me and what they had done.

Sorry I couldn't be more possitive

Re: Drawing a line........

Mac Feather — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:26:48 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]Am told if l do not like a person ... then they know it.[/quote]

Im the same, I try- I have my botox face but my eyes betray me!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Drawing a line........

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:37:54 GMT

Am told if l do not like a person ... then they know it.

I also carry a grudge although some of them l write off after 20 years or so.

Re: Drawing a line........

loopylou711 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:17:56 GMT

I barely speak to my mum unable to let go of things that have happened to in the past. I keep her happy by gritting my teeth and smiling when I see her once a month

You aint alone mrs mac!!

Re: Drawing a line........

Emma Purnell — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:10:46 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]

Feel a bit better knowing that Im not the only one that finds it hard to let go.

[/quote]

Your really not. I have barely spoken to people very close to me for weeks trying to get over things in the past....

Re: Drawing a line........

Mac Feather — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:07:11 GMT

Feel a bit better knowing that Im not the only one that finds it hard to let go.

Re: Drawing a line........

loopylou711 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 13:48:31 GMT

am the same,if someone hurts me i hold that grudge! I agree with emma be civil and smile. Sayin that, I did this with a friend who has hurt me a few times over the alst few years. Finally walked away from them because everytime i let go of the grudge they hurt me again! easier to walk away really!! :D

But Just smile and be civil! It does get easier!!