Depression/Anxiety

Re: Depression/Anxiety

Laurence Webb — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:29:36 GMT

I'd suggest Relate. Whether the realtionship works out or not it'll help to discuss both your issues in a constructive way.

Re: Depression/Anxiety

pagan — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:50:20 GMT

Thanks everyone. And for the PMs.

The thing with my family is that i havnt told them that we are back together. They think we are just friends. I dont want to tell them just now as itl just start loads of questions that i dont know the answer to myself. I think his parents may have worked out that we are together but they wont mind. My parents arnt so forgiving to a man that hurt me so badly.

Re: Depression/Anxiety

Anonymous — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:12:33 GMT

Hey

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your partner and I think that it's good that you're taking steps to try and deal with what is upsetting you. My partner has to deal with my depression and I know that it takes a huge toll on him too. We have been to therapy together when I was seeing a psychologist. It's good to go with to some sessions so that you can discuss any concerns you have with the therapist who is objective and can facilitate the conversation between you and your partner.

There is a forum on SANE.org.uk where family and friends of mentally ill people can chat about what's happening in their lives. They also have an email line if you want help from a trained volunteer. They can give you some advice on how to help yourself.

I've just had a quick look in a book called "Living with the Black Dog" by Caroline Carr and some tips she gives are:

Remember you are a separate person and you have your own life

Acknowledge that your partner's depression is not under your control

Avoid blaming yourself

Take care of yourself

Allow yourself to be happy.

I think the gist of it is that you need to remember that you are your own person and you deserve to be happy - don't get sucked into thinking that there must be something you can do to make your partner better. Support him, yes but he needs to make himself better. You will just end up feeling helpless and start getting down in the dumps too.

Again, I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this - life can be cruel but I'm told that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger ;)

As for your family, maybe from their point of view they also feel helpless and they just want you to be happy. I'm not sure what your lines of communication are like with your family, but if they are good maybe let them know that you want to help your partner, you love him and that you need their support at this time.

N x

Re: Depression/Anxiety

Mac Feather — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:48:13 GMT

mind.org.uk and the depression alliance website might be useful.

The book rainbow mentioned is good too.

Re: Depression/Anxiety

Sarah Nicholas — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:57:32 GMT

Hiya pagan,

I have a similar (ish) problem. My fella hasn't cheated but is VERY depressed and has no motivation and major mood swings since losing his job.

I believe that the most important thing you can do is put yourself first. That's not to say ditch him and give up on it unless that's what you want, but if you are unhappy in yourself you can't support him. Not because you are lacking in any way but because strength is finite and you must put back what gets taken out!

I'm rambling sorry. I feel for you cause I've been there (and am there right now) I've also been depressed too so have seen it from the other side.

I also got a book "living with a black dog" by Matthew Johnstone. Which had alot of good tips about living with a partner with depression.

I hope this helps. Big hugs