Compulsions

Re: Compulsions

Laura Ringsell — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:15:19 GMT

Hi Emma,

Cant say enough - good on you for posting this and making some positive steps too. All I can say is I wish I had used this forum for support when I went through the exact same thing last year. Anxiety is a horrible thing and when it takes control a really hard thing to control. I ended up taking medication from the doctor which in itself I was anxious about but as she said to me - "if i told you that you had diabetes and needed insulin would you get worked up about that?" - a very sensible doc. All sorts of levels in your body can get out of kilter and just need a bit of help to get back in the right places and i can tell you it worked. I will always be an anxious person the difference is now I recognise when the cloud starts to descend and i take steps to deal with it before i am totally consumed by it and then can't see a way out. I too have gone through the driving nearly 26 miles home to convince my self that I may have left a door open, so drive all the way back and of course its fine, and the - oh my god i have left my straigtners on the house will burn down and had to be late for work to go home and check, and don't get me started on how many times i check that i have locked the doors, kennel doors, turned the autoclave off and ticked the boxes etc etc. I am lucky in that all of the nurses at my practice are also pretty similar to one extent or another. It makes me wonder if this to a certain extent is a 'nurses' trait....

Good luck, and remember you are not alone and this is a great place to chat and feel secure.

Re: Compulsions

A Little TLC — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:22:02 GMT

Good girl Well done!!! x

Re: Compulsions

Louise B — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:18:57 GMT

Hi Emma, I am really glad that you took the step and went. I hope the meds work for you. If you feel you need to chat we are all here for you. xxx

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:09:38 GMT

Just a little thank you and update. Finally went to my doctors appointment regarding all this and he has put me on some medications to start with. Thank you all for helping me make the decision to go.

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 16:17:26 GMT

Hug!!!!!

Re: Compulsions

A Little TLC — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:47:26 GMT

dont feel guilty what ever you do. they are hard to get through honestly, you have just had a bad run. x

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:40:27 GMT

[quote user="Royalsuper_fairy"]

Ouch!

[/quote]

Indeed. Super sore with a few nice gouges! Canine hole in the back of my head and I think they are incisor holes in my forehead... deary me.

Yet another dead bird I am afraid. Not helping my compulsive guilt. Or the fact they are thinking of euthanasing the dog that bit me. Urgh.

Had to carry my keys and phone in my pockets yesterday and today to keep checking them

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:58:24 GMT

Ouch!

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:55:23 GMT

Thank you, I did a bit of feeding yesterday and got it going, taught a couple of others to do it quickly before my trip to minor injuries last night... I mean only I can get my head bitten by a dog. Like I need more on my plate at the moment.

Fingers crossed its ok this morning. I have been worrying.

Re: Compulsions

A Little TLC — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:33:58 GMT

[quote user="Emma Kerry"]

[quote user="A Little TLC"]

baby chaffinches we would feed on tropican which is a parrot handrearing food, every 15mins, weaning on to small seed (millet etc) with top ups if needed :) they need heat if tiny... obviously!!

Chin up you :)

[/quote]

I love you a little more every time you post! I have started it on egg food, how would you go about hand feeding the little dot? Has millet and seeds. Heat should be fine, all feathery and fluffy!

[/quote]

hehe no probs :) im just glad there are people willing to give it a go. While i was wildlife nursing, it was my llife, literally, 24/7. i miss it sooo much it hurts, bet need must, besides, i keep my hand in where ever i can be it doing my volunteering/rescuing or 'baby' sitting. :) i'd be back there in a flash if i could!! but i need to be sensible and get my bum qualified first.

Egg food is great for these guys too. Coffee stirers are brilliant for feeding littluns :) it can get messy, as they just get sooo excited when food comes round!!

Any info you ever want i am mooooore than happy to share :) that goes for anyone else too!!

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:27:13 GMT

I'm the same here with wildlife.

Have some more hugs and feel free to PM if you want to chat! xxx

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:25:48 GMT

[quote user="Royalsuper_fairy"]

I know how you feel I have had three different wild animals die on me in the last three months. I felt so guilty and cried for hours and hours over each one. All you can do is try you best. Baby wildlife is hard work and very emotional and some times you do unfortunately end up fighting a losing battle. But try your best and I've got my fingers crossed! Have a huge hug.

Emma xxx

[/quote]

I seem to get all the wildlife here as people know I am pretty passionate about my birds and other bits. The chaffinch and a hedgehog so far today - happily euthanased the hedgehog (yes, happily! Awful awful state, no chance of recovery and obviously in lots of pain). Thank god my obsessions are still not causing any animals suffering yet, at least I hope I am not keeping them too long. The seagull from yesterday is still very much on my mind, hence it looks like me keeping the chaffinch...

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:22:44 GMT

Emma xxx

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:20:52 GMT

[quote user="A Little TLC"]

baby chaffinches we would feed on tropican which is a parrot handrearing food, every 15mins, weaning on to small seed (millet etc) with top ups if needed :) they need heat if tiny... obviously!!

Chin up you :)

[/quote]

I love you a little more every time you post! I have started it on egg food, how would you go about hand feeding the little dot? Has millet and seeds. Heat should be fine, all feathery and fluffy!

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:19:36 GMT

The worst thing is, if this one dies it will be stress/starvation. It is a little baby chaffinch, just fledged a bit early. A member of the public collected it, asked the local RSPCA officer who was strolling past and they told them to bring it here. It is hopping about and chirping happily, just need to get its strength up and release it. It can't yet fly and the weather is evil so I can't just return it to the cat prone area it came from! ARGH!

Re: Compulsions

A Little TLC — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:17:38 GMT

baby chaffinches we would feed on tropican which is a parrot handrearing food, every 15mins, weaning on to small seed (millet etc) with top ups if needed :) they need heat if tiny... obviously!!

Chin up you :)

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:15:31 GMT

As my partner put it to me when I have been looking after wildlife, they come to us when they are really poorly sick so do your best and give them a chance that's all you can do.

xxx

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:12:35 GMT

Next Tuesday at 6.40. As my collegue put it - "Try not to die in the mean time!"

Now we have a young chaffinch in for me to panic/stress/worry/guilt trip about!

Re: Compulsions

Royalsuper_fairy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:03:39 GMT

Big hugs! Good luck at the doctors!

Re: Compulsions

A Little TLC — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:26:39 GMT

Big cuddle to you. When is your appointment? x

Re: Compulsions

Emma Purnell — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:07:55 GMT

Thank you all.

Had a bit of an episode last night after we had a seagull in to be euthanased. I had sent it to our 'wildlife' bloke, who I have been hearing not such great things about recently, end of last week generally fit and well but a little thin. It was gassed down because we were concerned over what we thought might be a wound but it was all fine. I sent it on for a couple of days of feeding and release. It was in yesterday with a broken leg, emaciated and covered in guano. I ended up in floods of tears in front of the not so friendly partner and obsessing over the care of an inpatient. Was literally kicked out... so again dreading today.

I think my guilt is causing some of the worst problems. Roll on the doctor appointment.

Re: Compulsions

Freckle — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:24:04 GMT

please don't stress about posting on here - i think its really admirable

I suffer from depression, so although I don't have any direct experience with how you feel, I know how difficult can be to take that first step and ask for help.. it really does help though! I had times where I was in such a dark place it was unbelievable, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, but now, with professional help, I have moved on a great deal, and can see the light at the end of the tunnel - almost there!

I would definately second what everyone else has said

Re: Compulsions

Dreamcatcher — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:11:16 GMT

Hey!

You have nothing to be ashamed of! I think in our kind of profession, this kind of behaviour is very common... maybe because our fears aren't always completely irrational. For example, it is entirely possibly to overdose an animal and so to feel slightly anxious and to keep on checking doses etc is a normal reaction. It does sound as if your case is slightly more extreme though and I think speaking to your doctor is a really good idea as it shouldn't be taking over your life and upsetting you like this.

You're certainly not alone... just last week I drove all the way home (20 miles) only to have a crazy panic that I left the practice unlocked.... despite knowing I had locked it AND checked it. But the small percent of doubt in my mind screamed at me to go and check it and I drove all the way back only to find that, yes, indeed I had locked it. I felt a bit silly afterwards for wasting my time and petrol but at least I could sleep that night! Have been under a bit of stress lately which hasn't helped with things!

Am also a bit of a cake-baker! Not sure exactly what it is about being upset that makes me want to cook as normally hate cooking!

xxx

Re: Compulsions

VN_Nikki — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:49:12 GMT

I don't normally post here but I had to respond to you. I was going through the exact same thing as you. I would make up meds and check and check and check, then go back later in the day and check, then call up after i'd went home and check. It got to the stage I was phoning clients to check the medication even though I knew it was right. I had to phone work to get them to check things. I couldn't sleep and I was having severe panic attacks. This extended at home aswell. I finally decided to get help when I was stood in front of my cooker at home at 3 in the morning crying because I couldn't walk away from it I had to just keep checking it was off.

I was like you, I felt ashamed to admit there was something wrong. I felt ashamed that I couldn't just tell my brain to stop this. Finally, I spoke to my parents in the midst of a panic attack one night and they encouraged me to speak to a doctor. I did and he explained everything and made me feel so much better. I had to go on medication which i'm still on but i'm so much more in control now. I had got to the stage where I was dreading going to work because of the fear I felt over this, which isn't me i've always loved work.The main thing is to talk to somone, there's so many people who can help and they do, trust me. It's nothing to be ashamed of,we all need a little help sometimes.

Re: Compulsions

les punton — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 21:36:09 GMT

you are really brave and im pleased you posted your feelings to get the support you needed. Dont hold back at the doctors - they are there to help. As we all know this job can be very stressful but you may just need some you time.

Take care - hope it all goes well.

p.s mistakes happen dont beat yourself up about things