Verbal abuse

Re: Verbal abuse

hissycat — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 21:35:26 GMT

I really sympathise with you, its much easier said than done to stand up to someone and sometimes you start to wonder if you are being oversensitive when you are not. I have had a few incidents with vets which I would now describe as bullying behaviour towards myself, but at the time I didn't want to make an issue out of it. I have had derogatory comments made about my appearance by one locum which I found very upsetting, not having the highest self esteem in the first place didn't help. One got annoyed that I didn't offer a coffee to him before anyone else and didn't speak to me for the rest of his stay! (he was subsequently asked to leave after making a few costly mistakes). I think now I would have the confidence to speak up to anyone like this because I have some very supportive colleagues who I know would back me up. It does seem to be the case that once you stand up to people like this they think twice before bothering you again, its just having the courage to do it in the first place. hope you sort something out x

Re: Verbal abuse

Karen S — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:43:29 GMT

Thanks for the replies :) I certainly feel a tad better about it all now, thanks to you guys. I have been out for the day with him once since this incident, day before yesterday on Friday. He seems to be the derogatory sort towards women. Just a comment he made which made me think twice. Amazing how in the beginning none of this surfaced and now over a month down the line the little things start to show. I dont know how his girlfriend puts up with him sometimes to be honest. Then again, that is not my business but it does make me wonder... i cannot help but wonder. I am supposed to be meeting him tomorrow so will see what happens. He will probably text me with some excuse, which is actually NOT fine because he is supposed to start treating my own horse for something tomorrow. I will see how it goes this week and then make a final call. I guess i just keep hoping this will not happen again, when i know once it happens once it can only get worse. Im probably shooting myself in the foot, but time will tell.

Re: Verbal abuse

les punton — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:24:35 GMT

i am sorry to hear that this has happened, I definately think you should talk to someone about it.

Last year I got yelled at by a partners wife for readjusting the dog food stand. I was totally humiliated infront of a number of work mates, I tried to do the reasonalble thing and ask what was wrong with my adjustments (any constructive critism would be welocomed) however this made her more irrate and she started swearing at me. After she walked away, I tidied the mess I made burst into tears and waked out (passed my senior boss who came running after me) Iv never walked out of work b4 and I started writing my resignation then thought why should I give up a job I love for 1 person? so i wrote a letter of complaint which had to get handed into her husband!!

I did not go back to work for 2 days,where I got called for a meeting with the husband, nothing was resolved and I did not get and apology but the rest of the practice respected me and was very supportive. I felt better for doing the right thing as Iv been the only one brave enough (or angry enough) to stand up to her.

3 weeks later I got a small payrise from this partner - guilt?

Let me know how you get on x

Re: Verbal abuse

Steph Phillips — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:09:48 GMT

I'd def say something to him!! He's the vet.. the one in charge, or whatever.. he needs bringing down a peg or two and reminding that he cant do his job solo, he needs a team, even if it's just yourself.. and if he wants to keep his team, he should show respect to earn it!!! - Please stand up for yourself.. verbal abuse and attacking your charecter is totally out of line.. you dont deserve it, even if you had done something wrong to make him mad, personal attacks are totally wrong! - If I was in your situation and he personally attacked me, I'd tell him to shove his job where the sun dont shine! Find somewhere that will respect you and value your work and commitment xx

Re: Verbal abuse

Sal the 1st — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:56:26 GMT

remember we had a locum vet once who thought he was gods gift to women neither of the other 2 nurses would work with him and he had this nasty habit of calling them 'girlies' which they hated so he ended up with yours truly - there is no way I could ever be described as 'girlie' (picture Hattie Jacques as matron and you have a pretty accurate picture ). Was a lot easier for me as I had been forwarned. Waited for him to come in the room and asked him if he preferred tea or coffee - he said tea so I said ok there is tea and coffee in the staff room and while you are making yours can you stick me a coffee in a cup - mines black two sugars. I got the feeling coffee was the last thing he wanted to stick in my cup (and I was too wimp to drink it afterwards) but I think I made my point - never had a problem with him after that

Re: Verbal abuse

Kerry Spain — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:03:26 GMT

Sorry the above story is not ment to be inspiration for you to throw stuff at him erm... I guess what I'm trying to say is just do what you feel fits the situation at the time, maybe try to talk things over with the person in question?

Re: Verbal abuse

Kerry Spain — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:02:00 GMT

aah this old chestnut!

I've been on the receiving end of all sorts, we used to have a locum many moons ago who insisted I made him coffee every 5 bloody minutes, I was so busy one day and couldn't do it straight away and got a barrage of abuse for it... so I made him a coffee and then promptly threw it over him

Needless to say he never did it again. I've worked with him since and we never 'mention' the coffee incident! We have mutual respect for one another now

Re: Verbal abuse

Karen S — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:37:58 GMT

This is so difficult as this guy has been my own personal equine vet for the past two years as well. So i dont want to wreck everything but i have not heard from him at all since this happened yesterday and well... im not holding my breath that i will hear from him again at all to go out on call with him. Which i find unfair as i can run off a list of things i have done for him at my own cost to help him out and make his life easier. Perhaps im just miffed right now and need to go buy another pair of big girl panties and sleep in them tonight. Yesterday just really hurt to the bone.

Re: Verbal abuse

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:33:21 GMT

Shane she is Joeys area.

Re: Verbal abuse

Karen S — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:31:45 GMT

lol you guys! Thanks for the cheer up :) Im back for a long while now, busy surfing face book and the web in general :D

Will PM you back in a mo...

Re: Verbal abuse

Shane — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:28:53 GMT

Damn, she buggered off. what part of SA is she in again? I've forgotten.

Re: Verbal abuse

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:25:12 GMT

Could do is really just to shut his mouth up and incapacitate him

Re: Verbal abuse

Shane — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:23:49 GMT

True! Maybe a hammer would be better?

Re: Verbal abuse

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:21:13 GMT

Yes but is easier to subdue him when smuggling him to the food area.

Re: Verbal abuse

Shane — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:59:32 GMT

Why shoot him? You deprive the scavengers of their fun....

Re: Verbal abuse

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:58:23 GMT

She liked my suggestion best. Shoot him, take him to the game park and let the scavengers deal with it. So handy being in africa

Re: Verbal abuse

Shane — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:55:35 GMT

Karen, let me PM you something.

Re: Verbal abuse

Karen S — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:47:30 GMT

Thank you for the replies. Problem is, its me and the vet - thats it. He is the boss man and we are stuck in a car from morning til night so the space is small and we cannot escape each other. Which quite honestly is fine, having a scrap here and there is one thing, but downright ugly verbal abuse on me as a person just sucks and i was unable to escape as we were at a client. This also means i have nobody to report to - except him himself.

Needless to say i have no idea when i will see him again, if ever due to this because i am not employed... i am doing this voluntarily to get work experience yet he wont train me and just expects me to know just about everything. This is proving very difficult and i am running out of big girl panties.... Then again, if this relation is canned then i guess it wont matter. And it sucks as i know in my heart that i have done no wrong whatsoever. I know i need to meet him for coffee or something and discuss this in a non defensive manner but i just do not have the balls to do it.

Re: Verbal abuse

Fiona Leathers — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:07:09 GMT

I had a practice owner & assistant vet rip me to shreds at a practice meeting in front of other nurses, students & receptionists for something which the assistant vet had done wrong.

Not one of my so-called work mates would tell the practice owner that the assistant had actually done it, so I ended up leaving. The assistant vet came up to me on my last day and said "I didn't want to go as far as this, but just wanted to bring you down a peg, nurses should know their place" I almost hit him but since then I know it was the right time to leave as certainly couldn't have carried on working with any of them!

Re: Verbal abuse

jo. h. arter — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:33:05 GMT

Hi there

On the first day of my first locum job in the UK (am originally from NZ) a vet berated me for not getting an ET tube out for a cat neuter. He ranted on about how I should be struck off the register for daring to not oxygenate a cat under GA for so long that the cat eventually woke up and the neuter had to be performed the next day. (When he could've just reached around and got a tube - they were right behind him!)

I was young at the time and thought maybe every vet here tubed cat neuters (of the 30+ vets I have worked with both in the UK and NZ he is still the only one to do it) so unfortunately did not do anything except feel really bad about myself.

Do please try and speak to someone in authority. As the person may not even realise their behaviour is unacceptable and may need a reminder to pull their head in.

Re: Verbal abuse

scubamoo — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:50:08 GMT

Hi There

I have previously worked in a practice where one of the senior vets was a bit of a bully to certain members of staff. One of the VN's got the sharp end of her tongue and stood up for herself and explained that she didn't think it was justified and it wasn't professional to speak to colleagues like that and found the whole situation very confrontational. The senior vet basically said she was being too soft and basically they never got on. The VN eventually left.

I think its a horrid situation but you have to stick up for yourself, go to your line manager (if you have one), if not go to the boss (if it is your boss, you can request a meeting to discuss it but also request another member of staff to be present ). Make sure you remain professional.

You could also contact the BVNA legal helpline, they are usually very helpful.

Good luck!

Re: Verbal abuse

humanenurse — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:27:30 GMT

Not in a vet circumstance but in my job verbal abuse is part of the role. However if another staff member says something out of turn and it is uncalled for. I'd approach them directly and tell them so. Or/and go to my line manager and talk to them about it too.