In need of friends

Re: In need of friends

BengalcatRVN — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 12:31:11 GMT

((hugs)) all break-ups are hard, long, short, married, not married, kids, no kids, hugs to everyone

Re: In need of friends

Shelly vn — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 11:47:11 GMT

Children or not its still hard. Thinking of you and sending hugs xx

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 11:30:33 GMT

Well,I find myself in a similiar position. I dont have children but my marriage is now over, not my choice.

Re: In need of friends

Sal the 1st — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:42:09 GMT

you know children are surprisingly resilient creatures and often 'understand' a lot more than us adults ever give them credit for. They may not understand things on the same level but they wont be ignorant of what is going on.

My advice would be to sit down - yourself and the children - explain what needs to be explained and even if they are very young, ask them what they would like? and even if what they would like is not feasible right now at least you have an idea of how they are ticking along and how they are thinking. You might be a bit surprised at what they come out with (you might be pleasantly surprised!). If what they want isnt feasible then take some time to explain to them if that is possible what prevents. Even if what they want isnt possible the fact that you have asked them often makes them feel more 'grown up' and empowered - not that they are having to make choices between two parents which is often what happens with even the best of intentions.

If their choice is that at this time they dont want to spend time with their dad - and this is a possibility then you wont have to make any difficult choices for them

Re: In need of friends

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:17:13 GMT

from a point of view of married to hub who during 2nd marrige (l am 3rd) had a nervous breakdown when bank pulled the plug then his wife had an affair told him to leave so he did for kids sake then as her one of her many boyfriends did not want the kids to see their dad she refused access.

l would say allow access l will never forgive his x for that they have made up but wont make up for all that was lost.

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:01:36 GMT

Lets see how it goes, eh?..........

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:23:46 GMT

The relate counsellor sounds a good idea.

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:19:43 GMT

Thanks Heather & Sally.

I am trying to get an appt with a relate counsellor for me and the boys as I dont want them to suffer the effects of this in years to come. I always have the best interests of my children at heart, no matter how I am feeling and I must do the best I can for them. xxx

Re: In need of friends

Sally King — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:18:10 GMT

***Hugs***

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:03:19 GMT

You are a strong woman Paula even though you might not feel like it. xxxxx

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:45:37 GMT

yes, thats very true. I have thought a lot of times in this past few weeks that if I can learn to live with the death of my brother in a car accident - I can live with this.

Thanks Sal xx

Re: In need of friends

Sal the 1st — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:42:38 GMT

you can do it - might not be easy but you can do it. and in times to come you can look back at this and think - well I survived

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:40:38 GMT

Thank you Sal. I dont feel very strong right now, but I must go on, I have no choice.

Re: In need of friends

Sal the 1st — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:38:56 GMT

maybe it hasnt backfired? Maybe he will go back and think about this - and then realise what he has lost ? And if this doesnt affect him? - well maybe he is too far gone at this time and perhaps not the best person to be around the boys unless he can prove otherwise . IMO you have done the right thing - chin up you can come through this and be a stronger person

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:31:59 GMT

14 years gone......... in the space of a few minutes.

Thought I could shock my husband into seeing some sense by telling him he had to tell the boys why he left us.

Stupid me though, it backfired on me. I thought that if I said that to him, it would shock him into realisation, but no, it didnt. He came down tonight and told the boys.

I told him that if he chose to tell them, there was no going back, ever. As I was not going to cause pain to my children unless it was necessary. But he still told them.

Re: In need of friends

Vicky RVN — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:09:54 GMT

I think the mug idea is quite a good one...the only prob is having to clean it up afterwards!!!

for you Paula xxx

Re: In need of friends

Faye Sewell — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:48:40 GMT

Was just thinkign about u! HUGS hope you doign OK! xx

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:48:17 GMT

Take it one day at a time

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:42:12 GMT

Thanks everyone. I am feeling quite sad and very emotional right now. As some of you have said to me in a pm, it will take time to start to feel better. I just dont see that happening anytime soon, but it must get easier with time. Surely I cannot feel like this for the rest of my life!!

Carolyn, your mug idea was quite funny, even though a little strange!! I am just so glad we can rely on your humour!! Even your text at stupid o'clock - as you put it!!!!!!!!

Re: In need of friends

paula morgan — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:27:51 GMT

Paula we are def all here for you x please please please pm me or anyone else when you are feeling down, I wish i could do more fro you, I know how you are feeling and its horrible, if I can do anything to help at all I will xxx

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:57:10 GMT

I thought it was quite a therapeutic idea Caro. I think I could be a rather good crockery smasher.

Re: In need of friends

Caro Laithwaite VN — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:00:16 GMT

Havent the foggiest what l am waffling in about just got up and still half asleep thats my excuse and l am sticking to it.

Re: In need of friends

Caro Laithwaite VN — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:56:26 GMT

Take one hot mug off coffee

take a deep breath

smash mug against wall

look round for something to have a nice hot coffee out of as some idiot broke your best drinking mug

Re: In need of friends

Saskia Quinn — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:48:58 GMT

sorry guys, I was just feeling very sorry for myself lastnight.

I know you all care, just emotional right now xxx

Re: In need of friends

Mac Feather — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:01:47 GMT

[quote user="Siobhan Steven"]

My thoughts have been with you, just didn't want to upset you by going on. Feel free to vent at any time, we are all here to support you.

[/quote]

Well said Siobhan. Just give any of us a shout Paula . xxxxxxx