Navigating grief

RE: Navigating grief

SRB — Sun, 22 Dec 2024 22:34:16 GMT

Thankyou to everyone who replied- it really means a lot.
It’s really hard to not look back and think could I have done things differently. His illness was really acute- less than 24 hrs but I still wish I could have made his last days more special. I was working on the day he was pts (another thing I feel bad about), but again I didn’t know he would need to be pts until we received further results. Just wish it could have happened differently but that’s hindsight I suppose. I will look at the blue cross resources, it is nice to know others have experienced similar feelings. Thanks again x

RE: Navigating grief

Inge Breatnach — Sun, 22 Dec 2024 09:21:31 GMT

Hi, first of all my heart goes out to you. I had to make the decision to put my own dog to sleep in May, and I was blindsided by the grief too. It’s awful and so so difficult, and I hope you have good support around you to help you and support you.

For me, I really struggled with guilt, and I found actually for the first few weeks I tried to not even think of the end few days, because my brain couldn’t cope with thinking back. A friend told me that it was ok, to be upset, to be numb, angry, whatever emotion is in there, even if it’s your brain saying no, I can’t cope right now and need to not feel anything, it’s all valid and doesn’t mean you loved them less.

what helped me:

Imagining I was speaking to a friend instead of myself. What advice would I give someone else? And then, silly as it sounds, I would repeat that to myself when I had a wobble.
Writing lists: of all the things that made Erik special, of all the memories of the funny and happy times, of his many pet names etc etc. I was so terrified of forgetting, that having them written down helped.
Talking about him. People often ‘don’t want to upset you’ but I made it clear that I wanted to talk about him, even if it made me cry. Grief is all the love you have for them, so it’s totally ok to express it.
Memorialising them. I did a 100km Sahara trek in Nov, and brought his collar and bandana with me, took photos and remembered him.
Take your time. Do things when it feels right. I had his food bowls down for months, I still have his bed in the corner. Don’t rush yourself, and know that this is your ‘new normal’, life will always be painted with the memories you had of them.
Another friend told me the night he passed they had a spectacular orange sunset (he was ginger), every time I see a beautiful sunset I think of him watching over me. I’m very much not religious, but if it brings comfort, why not?
look after yourself. I took comfort in the fact that he loved me, and would want me to rest, eat well and be healthy too.

The blue cross helpline is great too, I’ve met Diane James who set it up and genuinely cares, so if you need to talk, the team there are fab. The last thing I did was find purpose in my dogs being, so I used his disease as a catalyst to educate more people about oncology (which is my job anyway) and show that I truly understand how it feels.

Finally, I’m not a counsellor, but if you need to chat to someone who’s been in a similar place, please do reach out. Sending you so much love and strength xxx

RE: Navigating grief

Rachel Woodcock — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 20:18:11 GMT

So sorry for the loss of your doggy. Blue cross were really helpful for me when we suddenly lost our 14 year old baby 18 months ago. You can contact them via phone or email if you don't feel up to speaking to someone out loud. Vetlife are always there too and they were really helpful for me during a different time period where I needed someone to talk to.

Grief can be hard, I won't lie to you. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to get through this.

My thoughts are with you. Take care

RE: Navigating grief

Selena Carnell — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 19:19:51 GMT

SRB, blue cross have a lot of help available for dealing with Grief. 17 yrs is great,

I had to have my collie PTS due to behaviour reasons aged 8 and it still question whether i could have done more nearly 10 yrs on. My husband at the time was very unempathetic and i had two young kids, so all my grief went in to helping them over it.

Sending hugs.