Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Kiahanna — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:47:16 GMT

A bit of a chiched statement here so forgive me but relationships are about compromise and communication and mutual trust. I would say the biggest danger to any relationship is lack of communication and the assumtion by one or both people in the relationship that their partner should know very well what they are thinking and what they want without having to tell them. Unfortunatly, people are not mind readers and this leads to a lot of misunderstandings and rows. It can break relationships apart. The best thing you could possibly do is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner, and tell him that you are feeling unappreciated. He may not even have a clue that you feel that way and until you tell him nothing can be resolved. Open and honest conversations can lead to wonderful things, or they can let you know once and for all whether or not you are really meant to be there with him.

I've been with my husband James for a total for 5 years now. We were pen pals since we were 15 years old him living in England and me living in the States. I didnt start a relationship with him right off, we were friends for a very long time and I had later married a complete and utter waste of time. He was abusive and controlling but it happened so gradually I didnt even realise it until James told me off on the phone and said 'this isnt you'. I ended that relationship and was still friends with James, perhaps even better friends them before because he had helped me through such a difficult time. Eventually he came to visit, and then I went to visit him and I just knew. This was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This was the one person in the entire world I simply could not see not being in my life permanantly. I would go about my day and see somethign I knew he would like or hear a story/joke I knew he would like and I would think 'I must remember to tell James that.....'. We've been married for 3 years now and it has definitly had its ups and downs but we are still together and we always will be.

I really hope that you manage to work through things. Whatever happens do what will make you happy and what is best for yourself.

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Fiona Leathers — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:28:17 GMT

Miss VN, I know when I hit the 2 year mark with my OH that things went a bit off the rails, didn't really want to be around him all the time, but got annoyed when it was vice versa, got really annoyed when he told me he loved me, asking why he said that all the time, but I worked through it - it was definitely my problem not his. It sort of tied in with my first year exams & my best friend moving away.

I think its because you're past the honeymoon period when you need to be glued together but still feeling unstable enough, that if someone better came along they could bugger off. NOt quite hit that stage where you know for definite that you're in a safe & happy relationship.

Make proper plans, ask what he's doing, make it much more of a partnership, compromise - if he's watching the rugby, you go shopping, then do something together. Tell hmi outright that you would rather spend a Saturday night with him & night having tea at his parents. Sometimes you've got to be a bit blunt & explain how you are feeling.

I've been with Graham for nearly 11 years now, living together for 5, and of course we still have the odd moment (anyone who says they don't is lying or blind) Its definitely worth working through it all though!

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

fairy — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:24:12 GMT

Do you think of him more like a best friend?

Is the spark still there?

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Mac Feather — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:53:29 GMT

I would tend to agree with Saskia.

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:51:46 GMT

Thanks so much guys x

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Steph Worsley — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:51:06 GMT

hey hun

I have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt I think you know what you need to do ....Dont change for anyone and dont expect them to change for you

We are all here for you whenever you need us

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:48:18 GMT

I'm meant to be at his this weekend and he said we could do whatever I wanted (im workin sat am so wud be after lunch) n i said ooh we could go for a walk n early tea/late lunch and chill somwhere n he just said oh im watching rugby at 2pm then we're over the road (at his parents friends) for tea so we cant do much, so...ok, we'll do something sunday,"oh i have motorbike driving lessons on sunday til 2pm" and we're meant to be in the lakes in a week n he just told me he cant afford it

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:45:20 GMT

[quote user="SaskiaVN"]

[quote user="MissVetNurse"]

Aww

I just don't know what to do?

[/quote]

I think in your heart of hearts, you probably do Miss Vetnurse

[/quote]

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Saskia Quinn — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:44:30 GMT

[quote user="MissVetNurse"]

Aww

I just don't know what to do?

[/quote]

I think in your heart of hearts, you probably do Miss Vetnurse

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:43:15 GMT

Aww

I just don't know what to do?

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Mac Feather — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:16:54 GMT

Wouldnt say it was love at first sight for me but soon I knew he was the man for me.

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

paula morgan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:15:59 GMT

i moved in with Charlie after 3 weeks!!!

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

paula morgan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:14:14 GMT

[quote user="MissVetNurse"]

[quote user="scotlass"]

How long have you been together?

[/quote]

Thats quite a while, I think if your not sure after this long then maybe hes not the one x

I met Charlie and moved in with him after 3 weeks!! Do you know I cant even remember what my life was like before I met him.

Do you miss him when hes not there?Does he make you feel safe and secure? and most importantly, does he make you tingle!!! x

2 years

[/quote]

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Caro Laithwaite VN — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:13:04 GMT

Have been married for about 22 or 23 years l think l know we have passed 21 cause my mum gave me a hard time as l was not interested in dates but can not remember if that was last year or the year before

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Caro Laithwaite VN — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:11:44 GMT

Hub and l are also a love at first sight pair. We worked together for about 8months before either of us did anything but we knew we would and from the start. We would finish each others sentence and pretty much mind read.

Oh and never go to bed angry

And don't try to change someone.

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:10:18 GMT

[quote user="heather mac"]

Yep married life aint easy at times and as Paula says you have to make the effort, not take each other forgranted etc.

[/quote]

I can imagine, I'm just feeling at the minute like I'm totally unappreciated and not sure what I want anymore, I just don't think I want to be with him

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Mac Feather — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:09:21 GMT

Yep married life aint easy at times and as Paula says you have to make the effort, not take each other forgranted etc.

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:07:04 GMT

[quote user="scotlass"]

How long have you been together?

[/quote]

2 years

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

paula morgan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:05:24 GMT

Well you can have it, you just need to make sure you pick the right one x I agree with Heather, I know where I am with Charlie, dont need to pretend with him, I do think you need to keep that spark alive, cause if you dont I think I would be a bit bored x

How long have you been together?

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

Claire Cameron — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:00:20 GMT

[quote user="scotlass"]

I have been married for 21 years nearly, was 22 when I met my hubby, he was19, I dont know but I just knew he was the one. I hate not bein with him, even for a couple of days! I just have always felt really comfortable with him, and I still get that tingle, like when he comes out the shower or something, and when he winks at me I honestly go weak at the knees

Dont get me wrong we have had our ups and downs, but I honestly would hate for him not to be in my life x

[/quote]

I want that

Re: Other Half...Advice Really Appreciated Please xxx

paula morgan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:59:44 GMT

Dont get me wrong we have had our ups and downs, but I honestly would hate for him not to be in my life x

Re: Other Half...

Mac Feather — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:58:21 GMT

I dont wish to sound lame or soppy or whatever but I kinda just knew with Charlie. I knew he would phone etc. I didnt have to be someone else for him or make up interests in common as I had done in some previous relationships, it just felt natural. Hope that doesnt sound lame!

Looking at a previous serious relationship- I was always concerned that he might not phone/turn up (often he wouldnt!) and deep down I just knew he was a wrong un and my parents didnt like him and that kinda shoved me further in his direction to spite them. , I was never relaxed with him,felt anxious alot of the time with him.