How to stop two-faced in the work place

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Kirsty RVN — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 22:42:57 GMT

I was in the same position last year. I was working at a practice with a lot of snipping, back stabbing, bitching and bullying to the point I used to dred going into work. You was working in a constant negative atmosphere and it really took its tool on my mental health. So I really know how you all feel. I was signed off by my doctor due to stress and hardly left the house. I was later diagnosed with social anxiety. I could not cope going back to that practice so made the decision to leave. I later found out that gossip had spread to local near vets so no one in the area will give me a job so I am looking at having to relocate all because of false Chinese whispers and gossip. I was also going through personal problems at the time which does not help and all this is still having a negative impact on my career now after spending 14 years working hard to get to where I am!!!!

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

jojofruits — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:33:31 GMT

OK.. what I did it my situation was go to my doctor.. he signed me off work for 2 weeks acute stress.. that made them panic, but honestly I was in such a bad place, I spent most of the time sitting on my sofa staring into space and it was only my horse and dog that got me out of the flat. living on site really didn't help either but everyone stayed well out of my way. If you are going through a tough time its absolutely OK to step back from it a bit and that might mean not being at work for a few days.

With real time to think I decided to leave, it wasn't doing me any favours, the breathing time gave me room to really assess everything and I realised that I was not prepared to be treated like that for one more second.

Does the manager have a boss?, who is the practice owner? if the manager is doing nothing.. write to them. if they don't reply.. speak to their senior and ask why you have had no reply ..

I'm afraid to say I think you might have to really stand up and just be calm and make a complaint in a professional way... put something in writing to them and start documenting everything that happens. If they do nothing about these problems in their workplace and it drives you out you may have a case for constructive dismissal...

There are lots of employment law people out there who will give advice.. a friend of mine is one and she really gave me the confidence to make my life better!.

There are always two sides to every story of course but it sounds like what's happening here is NOT OK!

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

jojofruits — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:33:02 GMT

Agreed!!

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:32:23 GMT

[quote user="VetNurse Anon a/c"]In the mean time I want to be treated the same as everyones. And my manager told me to leave my personal problems at home which I would but basically it's a break down.of my marriage etc etc so I finding things very hard.[/quote]

You poor thing, how awful for you, big virtual hug.

Hi I have gone to my manager who said their can't stop gossip etc. And that I have to basically have to show that I can do my RVN job.

I am absolutely not in any way qualified to give advice on this subject, and of course I know nothing about the circumstances at your practice. But this 'they said something and I'm not telling you what' does not seem to me to be a way to resolve the situation.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

VetNurse Anon a/c — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:31:18 GMT

My works don't have a HN manager at all.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Sal the 1st — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:26:03 GMT

[quote user="VetNurse Anon a/c"]

Hi I have gone to my manager who said their can't stop gossip etc. And that I have to basically have to show that I can do my RVN job.

These girls put in complaint about me but my manager won't tell me what it's about.

I am suffering from mental health problems atm due to a lot of stress in my personal life. These are being sort out by me, GP and the mental health team.

In the mean time I want to be treated the same as everyones. And my manager told me to leave my personal problems at home which I would but basically it's a break down.of my marriage etc etc so I finding things very hard.

[/quote]

I am sorry to hear that - just on the way to work but will PM you later if that is ok

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Sal the 1st — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:25:24 GMT

[quote user="Arlo Guthrie"]

[quote user="Sal the 1st"]Maybe the manager is trying to find a way of sorting this without it escalating - which very often happens and then nobody benefits.[/quote]

Yes, but if they were, shirley they should tell the person who has been complained about - I mean part of the thing of not escalating is to make sure that the person who has been on the receiving end knows that they've been heard and, if nothing else, taken seriously.[/quote]

how do we know they haven't? Its easy enough to let somebody know that their complaint has been heard but not always so easy to come up with a solution to the problem. I wonder if the manager and the HN are the same person if they aren't then there is a problem there straight away if the issue has been raised with the manager over the top of the HN

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

VetNurse Anon a/c — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:24:11 GMT

Hi I have gone to my manager who said their can't stop gossip etc. And that I have to basically have to show that I can do my RVN job.

These girls put in complaint about me but my manager won't tell me what it's about.

I am suffering from mental health problems atm due to a lot of stress in my personal life. These are being sort out by me, GP and the mental health team.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 13:23:39 GMT

[quote user="Sal the 1st"]Maybe the manager is trying to find a way of sorting this without it escalating - which very often happens and then nobody benefits.[/quote]

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Sal the 1st — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:43:42 GMT

[quote user="Arlo Guthrie"]

Surely it's their JOB to do something about it.

[/quote]

Maybe the manager is trying to find a way of sorting this without it escalating - which very often happens and then nobody benefits.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:42:29 GMT

[quote user="jojofruits"]sorry its a bit of an opinionated post[/quote]

Not sure why you're apologising - that is a brilliant post. Very good advice.

[quote user="Bright eyes "]manager won't do anything about it[/quote]

Surely it's their JOB to do something about it.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

VetNurse Anon a/c — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:41:54 GMT

Thanks for the reply, I do found it hard atm as my life has changed so much in the life month. All I want to do is go to work to my job and go home. I not increased in any gossip and I don't join in.

In my place it's so have as they is so many of as. I feel the team are not helping each other when needed to.

I try to report this to my manager as I not treatment with the respect like my fellow RVN. Nothing I done to upset then and manager won't do anything about it.

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

jojofruits — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:41:02 GMT

First of all - don't pay any attention to anything you hear unless you hear it out of the persons mouth.. I have worked in one practice in particular which was absolutely terrible for this..

another good tip is that if someone starts talking to you about someone else in a negative way, just say " I don't want to be involved in this conversation" and stop them dead in their tracks. If they are talking about others to you , you can bet your life they are talking about you too!

Personally I think its awful. In some cases it can add to mental health issues and it certainly had a very negative effect on me when I exposed to something similar, so not something that should be ignored.

If it were me.. I would quietly go and speak to the person who said it was karma.. tell her who told you she had said that and ask her what her problem is. do that often enough and they will stop. That such an awful thing to say about someone!!! absolutely outrageous!

If you feel you're being bullied you must must must go to your manager and get it logged at least.

You said you are finding it hard. Nobody should have to work in a workplace where thinsg like this are not addressed. its not ok to behave like that - we are professionals and should behave as such

( PS sorry its a bit of an opinionated post but its something I feel strongly about. The place I was at literally drove me suicidal with all the bitchiness, just from a couple of individuals who were never dealt with by a spineless boss and I cant bear the thought of someone putting up with this kind of hurtful behaviour!.. PS I left !.. it made me VERY happy!)

RE: How to stop two-faced in the work place

Sal the 1st — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:40:02 GMT

it happens in most places. Trying to stop it often only makes it worse. Pound to a penny it wont be long before this pair are sniping at each other.

If your HN is smart they will be using their competitive behaviour to get as much work done and off load as much work onto them as possible before the fall out happens - I had absolutely no problem with those that wanted to curry favour - if they were that eager to please I kept them busy.