mums funeral

Re: mums funeral

kkkathykk — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 11:43:41 GMT

Thank you for letting us know how it went. I'm really glad you did your reading. I'm sure your mother would have been proud of you.

It all feels very strange after the funeral in my experience and there will be ups and downs to come, but you're quite right about the importance of family and friends. I hope you are all able to give each other strength and support.

Re: mums funeral

Nicola Smith — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:59:08 GMT

Hi just thought i would update all of you who wrote lovely encouraging messages. Mums funeral was on weds. Myself and my sister planned it all so it was exactly as we wanted it. I also chose to do my own order of service books. And yes i did my reading. I am so glad i did it and on the day it all went fine. I so much wanted to do it and am so glad i did. Again thanks everyone for the encouragement. I feel very different since mums passing and family and friends have now become much more important than ever before x x x

Re: mums funeral

kkkathykk — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 12:35:16 GMT

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I played the piano at my father's funeral, and spoke at the funeral of a very close friend. In both cases it helped me to do it. It's a matter for people to decide for themselves, but you sound determined to do it for your mother and I think you'll be glad you did. Perhaps have everything written down in a form that you could hand to someone else on the day if you really feel you can't do it.

I think you'll do it though. Just think of something you are doing for your mother. Good luck. I hope everyone goes well and that you find it helps you.

Re: mums funeral

Gillian Mostyn — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 20:18:08 GMT

Condolences. The pain is awful at the moment and my heart goes out to you. As Caro has said, the pain doesn't go away, it just gets easier to live with it. I do hope you are getting plenty of support from family and friends.

I also wrote something for my Dad and wanted to be the one who read it out - none of my family felt they could, but if you are determined to do it you'll find the strength from somewhere. Speak slowly and so you give yourself time for lots of deep breaths.

Take care. xxx

Re: mums funeral

Nicola Smith — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 13:18:15 GMT

Thankyou so much. Caro you have inspired me - its the last thing I can do so I am going to give it my best shot for mum. I have plenty of time to plan as still waiting for death cert which we have been told will be the end of the week so I am going to practice over and over so I stand the best possible chance. Like you I am stubborn so now I have it in my mind its something I want to try and see through. Thanks again x x x

Re: mums funeral

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 16:29:40 GMT

Condolences l know what you are going through and send loving to you.

l know people say things get easier but l still cry over Mum, Dad and Brian.. at stupid times when they suddenly come into my head for no reason l can think of (must be something but nothing obvious) or like now typing this.

In reply to your question I have done it 3 times over the last 4 years first for my Dad first then my Husband then last year my Mum. I do not know where l got the strength only that l wanted to do it for them and l have a streak of stubborn in me so was able to do it.

I didn't really plan the words just let them flow and knocked them into a sort of coherent form. Read it out aloud to yourself and time it as many times as you can even stop writing part way through and read it aloud. Always aloud never in your head it helps to get a better feel and also when you come to stand up and read it out you will have gained confidence in the past readings on it. You know where full stops come or you want to make a special point of something or whatever.

You will cry yourself stupid during the writing and practising so make sure lot of tissues cause you will also have a runny nose. The more you can read it aloud to yourself the easier it is on the day l think as some has sunk in and you will know the words and be aware of the parts you cry more at. Ask if anyone wants anything said but l would let them only hear it first at the funeral... that way there is no pre arguments about l don't like that or l wanted that said believe me they won't remember much after the funeral and at the time will be happy you brought them into it.
l do not actually remember the funerals much just fragments a mental defence coping mechanism l think.

All the best whatever happens it is a bad time and even if you don't manage you can get the person who does the service to read it. At the 3 funerals above the minister made a point at our pre discussion of saying many people want to read something out but the majority can not so even if l say yes l will read and on the day can not just pass him the words and he will take care of it.

At Mum and Dads it was around 5 mins maybe a bit longer a lot of elderly people there and l wanted to keep it easy for them but pass on my own tribute if that makes sense? at Brian's funeral l kept myself to a 15 min slot l could have gone on forever. However long you take make sure it says what you want it to say this will be in a way your last chance so grab it no matter the length and whether you read it or not your love went into it... that's what counts.

If your Mum is being cremated take some flowers off the casket before you leave the crematorium they are there for your memories and dry and press them if you want. All l knew was this in a way was my last link in life with my loved ones.

All my family were cremated. lf they were buried l would have taken some but l do not know how things l guess "flow" or when you would take them but the funeral director can help... and when afterwards l went up to the coffin to spend some time alone with my folks and Brian when everyone left just before he left the minister smiled and also said go ahead and take as many flowers as you like they are yours and for your memories.

Now excuse me l am bawling like a baby... again and need tissues
Sending love and strength xxx

Caro

Re: mums funeral

Sal the 1st — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 14:18:14 GMT

first of all condolences . I wanted to do this at my dads funeral but I really wasn't able to as I was in a bit of a state and knew in advance I really wouldnt be able to hold it together . I did however write what I would like to be said and this was read for me by the person conducting the service if it helps