The never ending story of a nurse

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 22:35:27 GMT

to see Ali h; she was happily typing away all on her lonesome trying to be funny (and, failing). Undeterred though she battled on, thinking..."Surely somebody else out there has two minutes to share a silly photo, a joke, a daft story line or blow me a big fat raspberry for my efforts so far?"

The wind whistled.

The tumble weed, erm, tumbled...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 11:22:31 GMT

..."Oh, a trip to Paris for the sightseeing etc.." she giggled. "We want to climb the Eiffel tower; here's a picture of the Eiffel tower" she said, handing a crumpled photograph to Tina.

Tina was very impressed.

Professor Discharge looked over Tina's shoulder.

"Isn't that me, on the front right?" he queried hopefully.

"Well, why don't we help you collect for the trip?" Tina said excitedly. "Then we can all get to know each really well"

Everyone agreed it was a cunning plan, so cunning you could stick a row of onions on it and call it Pierre.

So they bundled into the van and set off at top speed to....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:56:10 GMT

free (green) candy floss, a weeks vacation in a B&B on the Isle of Dogs and as much athletes foot powder as they could ever need.

The nurses ignored him and rattled their collection buckets (also covered in twinkly fairy lights). "Give generously folks" they cried "It's for charideeeee" (without naming which 'charideeee' it was).

"Scuse me" puzzled TIna. "Who are you collecting for please?"

The smallest nurse stood on her tip toes and peered over her bucket....."We're collecting for....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Nicola Smith — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 11:26:53 GMT

Loads of veterinary nurses in their greens raising money for charity by doing a sponsored drive round the country. Alan Discharge set about telling them how great his practice was to try to get them to come and work for him. However the other staff members werent happy to find out what extras he was offering them in his employment package. As well as a good wage and six weeks holiday he was offering ....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 20:51:42 GMT

But the team rallied round and found enough spare cash in their turn-ups to buy a pack of straws and set about drinking the 'leek'. It was cleaned up quickly and they felt much better. Professor Discharge picked absent-mindedly at his teeth, there was some tarmac and grit stuck under his plate...

However, as they were having so much fun they suddently burst into song..."Oooh Blobby Blobby Bloooooobbbbby"

Suddenly a large green van with fairy lights around the wheel trims appeared.

It screeched to a halt. There was a humming noise coming from the inside.

The happy veterinary team looked up expectantly... Was it an undercover icecream van? (they hoped)...No,oooo. Was it a visit from 'Happy Campers Care in the Community' enforcement officers? (after all the team WERE all very 'special' people...)... No,ooo. Well, who WAS it then?....TIna had an idea. "I think it's the fair-ground folk" she said cheerily and with relief, as her parole licence had expired earlier in the week. She didn't want to tangle with any official paperwork today, thank you very much.

The doors of the van flew open and out poured....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Mark Hedberg — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 20:01:02 GMT

They then took a taxi, which hit a vegetable cart upon arriving at the fayre.

Repairs would prove to be expensive...

...they found a leek in the radiator.

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Tue, 17 Jun 2014 18:59:04 GMT

... However they had spent too much on the train down, on beers and chips, (buuuurrrppp), so they were in a real 'turmeric' and 'cinnamon' what to do next...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Mark Hedberg — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:11:22 GMT

...after getting lost, when they had to stop and ask a passerby for directions. When they asked him 'Are you going to Scarborough Fair?' he said it was just parsley next junction, which was a sage answer, even if their friend Rosemary probably wouldn't have appreciated it. Fortunately they got there without losing too much thyme.

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 20:53:09 GMT

...to collect funds for a staff day out to Scarborough. Well, they all had buckets and spades and a like of rock candy...not to mention Melena's love of the one-armed bandits (she was a member of ABBA...Anonymous Bandy Bandit Arms)...

Kerchinnnnnnggg!

When they arrived at Scarborough...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Mark Hedberg — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 11:56:50 GMT

To have a stand at the local Village Fete! :)

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 09:01:41 GMT

*bump*

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sat, 31 May 2014 11:31:17 GMT

So, MIss Tabby decided she was not being very much fun and canned her evil plans. She decided to arrange a party at her house.

"It's a fancy dress party" she trilled excitedly to Alan. "All invited".

Alan was very confused about everything that was happening recently but he shrugged his shoulders and decided to go with the flow. "I've always admired the humble chicken" he thought and set off to hire a costume (see above).

Melena, Tina and Lucy decided to go collectively Wallace, Gromit and Feathers McGraw

Professor Dunlop considered wearing the 'wrong trousers' but decided that as he normally wore puce coloured dungarees as a matter of normal attire, he'd better just wear one of his wife's dresses to on the safe side...

A fab time was had by all and so they decided...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Mark Hedberg — Fri, 30 May 2014 15:12:00 GMT

...it was getting a bit negative, that's all!

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Fri, 30 May 2014 14:19:57 GMT

Helloooo!!! Anymore story tellers out there?! Just a line or two, even it's totally random! Go-on, have some fuuuuunnn!!!

Ali h

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Sal the 1st — Thu, 29 May 2014 23:13:02 GMT

decided to have a separate waiting room for cats and dogs and the cats ended up with little more than a cupboard under the stairs whilst the dogs had a huge waiting area and a water fountain!

Lucy listened carefully to what Alan was telling her with increasing dread - about how Melena and Tina had 'bonded' and how well they were working together these days. He may have been a decent vet but the poor bugger really didnt have a clue re humans and especially his staff. Lucy knew from experience that if these two were at each others throats everybody else was safe but once they had buddied up with each other it could only mean one thing - Yep the pair of them were plotting.

History was about to repeat and Alan was oblivious.......

(feel free to chip in everybody/anybody)

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Thu, 29 May 2014 12:48:31 GMT

...I've been talking to the other partners; one of whom is Miss Tabby. She was very impressed how we handled her moggy emergency the other day. She wants us both to create a special 'cat friendly' practice; she will gift the money to the practice for modifications but only if WE are both involved. Plus, there is a big bursary for feline CPD she says she will pay each of us if we do well".

Melena understood immediately. Tina was only on-side, and had switched allegiances from Alan to her, because it was in her financial interest to do so. She stood up, hatched a plan so cunning she could suture mouse ears on it and call it Take the Mickey. She straightened her uniform and said, "Okay, let's do it. We'd better get cracking on the plans so that we can show them to Alan before he goes to Pizza Hut with Lucy".

Tina nodded and the pair of them arranged to meet after work. In the interim, they busied themselves with a big show of getting along well together.

A few days later....

Alan was puzzled. He could hear Tina and Melena nattering chummily together in the tea-room. Strange. They'd never done that before. Plus, Tina's last report on Melena had been so bland it was almost nice. Also, he had received an abrupt call from Miss Tabby berating him for not pushing the practice more speedily towards a Tier 3 status. She was a major financial contributor to the practice finances; he needed to keep her very sweet indeed. Perhaps he ought to invite her to Pizza Hut as well, so as to discuss his vision for the future and assuage her worries. He knew she loved the 'Fun Factory' ice-cream parlour there...

Miss Tabby giggled. Her plans were coming along exceedingly well. She rubbed her bony fingers together and did a little dance. "You wait. You just wait my pretties" she sang to a motely collection of felines lounging on a hair-encrusted sofa in her living room. Those dog-loving Gland and Discharge idiots will rue the day they...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Tue, 27 May 2014 09:31:04 GMT

... so Alan and Lucy decided to have a secret pow-wow at Pizza Hut to discuss "what we need to do in case of subterfuge" (without a trace of irony).

Unfortunately Alan left his diary in the consultation room. Melena happened upon it.... whilst cleaning the room; as you do. She had no guilt in looking in it as this was how she'd found out lots in the past; "information is King, information is King" she muttered as she thumbed through the diary.

She was bent over it and immersed in reading so missed Tina bobbing her head around the door. "Aah Melena" announced Tina "I wondered where you'd got to". Melena jumped six foot in the air and dropped the diary, pages scattering and fluttering. Tina bent down to pick up the strewn papers, copping a good look at the information on each page as she did so. "Ooh a staff outing!" she squealed. "I love pizza, I am there coz I'm not a square!" and winked at Melena. Melena drew in a huge breath and said "Er, well, um, you and I are not invited dear".

Tina stopped. Blinked twice. "Eh?" was all she could utter.

"Yes, my pretty" said Melena wryly "Alan only writes stuff in his diary he doesn't want to announce to the rest of us. Don't you know that, silly girl?".

Tina's face did a routine of distaste. "Well that's not fair. I've done more than my share of his dirty work these past few weeks so I expect a reward not a snub in the face" she said nastily. Melena's eyebrow rose high, "Dirty work?" she queried. "Oh, oh yes, well. I guess I will tell you now he's thoroughly upset me" announced Tina with revenge in her eyes. "He wants rid of you and has employed me specifically to undermine you. He doesn't want to fire you in case you sue him for constructive dismissal. You are supposed to quit of your own accord. Cheaper that way".

Melena's legs gave way and she sagged heavily against the consulting room table. "Awwwwwww. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" she moaned.

Tina's eye's glistened with evil glee.

"Well.....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Sal the 1st — Mon, 26 May 2014 16:36:25 GMT

Interviewing for a person to replace Melena was slow - very slow, with a host of unsuitable candidates ranging from people who would be more at home in a Miss World competition (lots of nail polish, makeup, immaculate hair styles and strange ideas of what the job entailed) to the downright weird- one interviewee seemed to have an overwhelming interest in euthanasia and where the bodies were kept . The one person that had been offered the job so far had refused when she heard what her wage would be.

Melena had her faults to be sure but she was about the best that they could come up with at the moment... So Melena breathed a sigh of relief and it was business as normal - or was it?

Over the last few weeks Tina had noticeably grown in confidence, and not always in a good way. Both Alan and Lucy had become decidedly nervous after thinking back to what had happened before. They would have to be very careful with Tina......

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Sal the 1st — Sun, 18 May 2014 10:00:49 GMT

but Tina was one tough cookie on the quiet and under that smiling, angelic exterior there was something altogether much darker.

Without even looking at Melena she said 'No I think you are mistaken - we have just discussed the advert. It is you that will be taking a trip down the job centre - unless of course you have managed to find somewhere else?

Melena stomped out of reception and into the staff loo - she was upset and couldnt believe what she had just heard. Nobody, but nobody, had ever spoken to her like that before - let alone somebody who had only been there 2 minutes....

Meanwhile in reception Alan is waiting for his client who is a late arrival and is chattering to Tina - Tina is once again all sweetness and light and tells him that Melena is sulking in the loo because she has just seen him advertising her job.

There is just something in Tina's overly cheerful attitude to her colleagues imminent departure that sets the warning bells a jangling in Alan's head - 'oh no not again! we cant go through that again! The last time it happened all they had been left with was Melena and Lucy the head nurse because everybody else had walked out (well those that could walk anyway - one was carried out on a stretcher and one left in the back of a police car). He hurried off to find Lucy to compare notes on their newest member of staff and made a mental note to never again drink a cup of coffee made by Tina.......

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Nicola Smith — Fri, 16 May 2014 19:18:08 GMT

To let him know about her latest money making idea for the practice - she was still keen for them to realise how invaluable she was. She wasnt expecting the sight that greeted her. Alan was busy on the computer and she could clearly see him writing an advert for the local paper for her job - while grinning like a cheshire cat. Melena stood opened mouthed for a minute before muttering something about the next client under breath before rushing back to reception with her tail between her legs. The new nurse was busy typing up notes and she was sure she was smirking too. Melena - feeling very bitter said 'oh so you arent going to be staying then - i just saw alan readvertising your job'. ....

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Mark Hedberg — Tue, 13 May 2014 11:19:25 GMT

...the next appointment was one of the practice's most infamous clients. Well known for driving up in expensive cars, the pet in question was a highly bred King Charles whose pedigree apparently dated back to King Charles's favorite pooch.

Sadly, this distinguished ancestry apparently made it impossible for the owner to pay bills without complaining about moneygouging vets, profiteering, and how the client's postman knew more about dogs than any three vets, and especially anyone who worked at Glands Discharge Vets!

All this to say that Alan was looking forward to the impending consult with all the enthusiasm of a condemned man facing a firing squad, receiving an urgent telephone call, only to find out it was his local utility company inquiring when he was going to pay his overdue gas bill.

Melena knew all that, of course, but she opened the consult door anyway - it would just take a minute, after all...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Arlo Guthrie — Tue, 13 May 2014 09:08:39 GMT

... but what a nightmare it would be. Mrs Tabby lived on a run down housing estate on the edge of the village, which Alan Glands wouldn't normally visit without the backup of the local constabulary, two brigades of light infantry, a St Johns Ambulance crew and a war reporter from ITN news.

There was no way out, but Melena did have an idea up her sleeve, and whilst it wouldn't solve her current predicament, it might prevent it ever happening again. And what's more, it was an idea of such genius that she was sure it would demonstrate to the partners just how irreplaceable she was.

Priced at £4,000,000, the new crazy cat lady starter kit wouldn't just rake in the cash for the practice, it would price people like Mrs Tabby out of the market. From now on, Melena would only have to visit the richest crazy cat ladies, living in fine country estates, rather than housing estates. She'd be the doyenne of high society cat ladies. The toast of the town.

She hurriedly prepared a mockup (see above) and went to show her idea to Alan Glands, who was in the consulting room awaiting the next appointment ...

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Sal the 1st — Mon, 12 May 2014 23:45:50 GMT

... which bloody idiot had this bright idea?

then Tina saves the day

' do you want me to ring my uncle? - he runs the old kennels on the top road'

'Well somebody had better do something PDQ muttered Prof Discharge I am sure I can feel my allergy acting up' (the prof had lots of 'allergies' including cats, rabbits and especially hamsters guinea pigs and gerbils but most of all CHILDREN! who often accompanied said animals - he was perfectly fine with the hairiest of dogs, the shaggiest of Highland cattle and positively loved pigs, would willingly tackle anything down at the local safari park - but nasty, bitey , little, scratchy beasties he just didnt do

Tina's uncle duly arrived to collect the cats and quickly realised that they belonged to Mrs Tabby. I'll tell you what I will do I will take them all back home for her - it will be a lot cheaper than running up a boarding bill , most of them live outdoors anyway - it will just need somebody to go up there a couple of times a day to make sure they are ok. As one the practice team all turned to look at Melena who quickly realised it would be better to offer than to be 'volunteered'.........

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Mon, 12 May 2014 14:22:19 GMT

*bump*

Re: The never ending story of a nurse

Alison Clare Hickman — Sat, 10 May 2014 10:55:37 GMT

"Tiiiiiiinnnnaaaaaaa, she yelled, close the garden gates, deploy the overhead security netting and put the tortoise away. We've got guests. Oh, and bring a mop, bucket and as many cat baskets as we've got."

Tina came hurtling into the yard at top speed. "Done and done", she said proudly, if not breathlessly, and handed a rather overful bucket to Melena. "The baskets are coming with Alan Gland and Professor Discharge".

The surgery doors opened slowly as the two vets struggled through the swing doors. Not used to pushing a trolley, with one bockety wheel (as they all seem to have and all nurses are experts at using coz the partners won't fork out for a new one), they tried to negotiate the yard's uneven surface with the motley collection of cat baskets that had been inadvisedly piled too high.

Professor Disharge muttered under his breath...