Feeling Down

Re: Feeling Down

Vicky RVN — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:00:02 GMT

Have just got home from visiting my nan in the hospice she's been moved to and it was a lovely hour (as much as it can be!). She is in a much better frame of mind, was chatting away and not drugged up like before. The conversation was much more successful than ones i've had with her in the past few days because she was actually taking in what i was saying. A very good sign is that she talked a lot about my cousins and how wonderful they are. Normally this gets a bit wearing, but as my sister and i left we sighed with relief and had smiles on our faces rather than tears in our eyes. I immediately phoned my mum and told her she was back to talking about them so she is now happy that she must be feeling better! Obviously she still isn't a well lady with widespread cancer, but mentally she's SO much better

Re: Feeling Down

Diane Westwood — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 14:51:15 GMT

Gosh Sal I really feel for you. Your post gave me goose bumps. I don't know what to say but having lost my dad a few years ago I can tell you that eventually you remember the good times more than the bad, and you will look at photos of him and smile instead of crying.

Re: Feeling Down

Sal the 1st — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 09:34:26 GMT

the last time I spoke to my father was the evening of the 10th December. We talked for a few hours (Caro knows how long some of our phone calls were). Normal conversation , we talked about this and that.

Towards the end of the conversation he said that he was feeling very headachy and tired (which was very unusual) and I made him promise that he would see the doc the next day. He then asked me 'how was work?' - something he never asked as he never agreed with me doing this job anyway. I said I was having a few problems and thought I should be looking for something else..... and basically, without going into detail, he made me promise I would leave nursing.

Dec 11th I couldnt get hold of him on the phone at all. Rang the docs and they told me that yes he had been in and had left there and he appeared to be ok, very cheerful in fact and the receptionist had spent some time chatting to him.

The evening still couldnt raise him on the phone - so checked with BT and they told there was a fault on the line and that engineers would fix it in the morning and because I was so worried they took my number and said that they would text or call me at work to tell me as soon as the line was clear (that call never came). Wasnt entirely happy with this but as I dont drive and my father wasnt local wasnt a lot I could do about it.

that night I went to bed as normal bit worried about things (work and otherwise) and I had this feeling that somebody was sitting in the chair in my bedroom, at first I thought it was one of the cats but soon realised they were both on the bed. Wasnt scarey just a bit strange and comforting in a way. I woke several times in the night with this same feeling, in fact I commented on it to a few of my closest friends the next day.

I cat really say much more - stilll a bit upset

Basically I had to get the police to break into my fathers after a very long delay - 16th December and he had died some time before . My guess is the 11th december (I know he spoke to one of his friends that afternoon around 2pm)

Re: Feeling Down

Claire Cameron — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 07:43:49 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

There is several of us on here have no probs with your Granddad visiting in fact all those who have passed. Unfortunatly as we get older it becomes easier to fall into the trap of "it is silly to say there is spirits etc" and a lot of magic goes out of life. Nuture your son and let him keep that special link with his Grandad.

I am one of those that believe spirit of those who have passed they will be with you even if you can not see them, just feel for them and l am sure you will notice a lot of things that will make you say hey that reminds me of... question is Is it a coincidence, personally l don't think it is

[/quote]

The night my Grandpa died two clocks in the house broke and froze on the exact time he died, and my mum's blind that had been broken forever that he was so annoyed about, started working within the week.

Also we have all had extremely vivid dreams about him, makes me smile knowing he is watching over me

Re: Feeling Down

Vicky RVN — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:36:19 GMT

[quote user="SaskiaVN"]From past experiences, I often wonder is it better when you know a loved one is ill and havent long left, you can say goodbyes and spend time with them, though it doesnt make it any easier when they do go.[/quote]

I think it is nice to be able to prepare yourself and say goodbye, even though it doesn't make it easier. However for the person it must be so much nicer for them to go suddenly because they aren't suffering and loosing their dignity as they do when they gradually deteriorate. Mum and one of my sisters went to visit my nan this morning. They arrived at 10.30 and were there until 4. They said she was depressed, saying she didn't want to be alone yet she doesn't want to be a burden on us. Of course she was told she wasn't a burden, but that's the way she feels. My other sister and i visited this evening and she seemed better, although very drowsy. They've given her a drug to relax her the doctor said, so i presume it's had a sedative effect on her. She has decided she wants to stay in the hospital rather than go home or go to the nursing home she could go to. I think this is probably because she's got to know the doctors and nurses who have been looking after her so feels happier being in their care rather than changing to different people. She said to my mum earlier she wanted something to make her go...she really has had enough and it's horrible to see her like it. I can't stop thinking while i'm at work or at home...whats happening with her now, is she still alive or will we get a phone call soon to say she's gone. They say she's possibly got weeks but i'm not so sure. I hope not for her sake.

Re: Feeling Down

Mac Feather — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:21:04 GMT

this site is great! very supportive place indeed!

Re: Feeling Down

Saskia Quinn — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:51:30 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

Paula l am ever so sorry about your Dad.

[/quote]

Thank you my friend!

Re: Feeling Down

Saskia Quinn — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:50:26 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

Nuture your son and let him keep that special link with his Grandad.

[/quote]

I agree wholeheartedly

Re: Feeling Down

Caro Laithwaite VN — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:44:07 GMT

Paula l am ever so sorry about your Dad.

Re: Feeling Down

Caro Laithwaite VN — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:43:02 GMT

Re: Feeling Down

Saskia Quinn — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:57:16 GMT

Thank you Miss Vetnurse. I am so sorry about your grandpa. Watching loved ones suffer is a terrible experience to have to go through. mMy mum's sister died in December. She was very ill in hospital and we knew she would never come home though it didnt make it any easier when she did die.

As for my brother, I miss him terribly and will never ever get over it. I am still picking up the pieces that tragic day. My dad has never been the same since. He suffers mentally as a result. However, having my 2 beautiful boys has given him something to focus on as well as the fact my eldest little boy is very like Stephen and has the same personality! For some, that would be a nightmare, but for my parents, they see it as a blessing!

Re: Feeling Down

Claire Cameron — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:22:41 GMT

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

In my experience I didnt find it easier having time to say goodbye, my Grandpa had brain damage that left him with no frontal lobe, he changed to a different person, depressed not himself at all. Apparently the frontal lobe deals with reasoning and he lost this ability,

He was brain damaged for 10 years and finally had a stroke on the 12th october 2004 which left him unable to walk or talk he later died on 30th october, and although this was expected as we were all with him that day and had said our goodbyes, it was so hard, I am still not over this, neither is my mum or grandma (both nurses and used to dealing with death) We found it so hard losing him, I still think about him every day as he was like my dad as unfortunately my dad left when I was younger.

Unfortunately death is inevitable and I dont know how to cope with it in the best way. xx

Re: Feeling Down

Saskia Quinn — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:02:17 GMT

[quote user="MissVetNurse"]

Hi all

Thank you SO much, I cant tell you how much better you've made me feel

Your all brilliant

on me

xxx

[/quote]

You are welcome!

From past experiences, I often wonder is it better when you know a loved one is ill and havent long left, you can say goodbyes and spend time with them, though it doesnt make it any easier when they do go.

My brother died very suddenly and very tragically with no chance to say goodbye.

Re: Feeling Down

Claire Cameron — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:22:02 GMT

Hi all

Thank you SO much, I cant tell you how much better you've made me feel

Your all brilliant

on me

xxx

Re: Feeling Down

Lisa Molyneaux — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:50:40 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

Lisa they probably were dancing l just have a lovley visual of them doing a crazy jig round the kitchen sort of Oklahoma x Moulon Rouge style high kicks and waving pinnies and shaking legs

[/quote]

Ha ha yeah it was a lovely dream, actually my cousin had a baby the night Ada (my grandad) dies and a few hours before he died he insisted on being brought upstairs (they were in the same hospital) to see his first great grand son! 2 years later Kyle (great grandson) kept saying hello to "the man" in the corner, or pointing out a man that only he could see around the house, later that year we sat him down to show him a pic of Ada and he said thats the man, a lovely warm feeling came over me because I had never got over losing him as we were very close after Nana died, he would only talk to me about losing her, but knowing that he still was looking over us meant the world to me.....lordy im getting all emotional now thinking about him and all the things he thought me, still miss him dearly but knowing that he is looking over me helps me through hard times (like the s*^t i am dealing with in work at the min!)...Its nice to know who my angel is and that he is there for me...

Re: Feeling Down

Diane Westwood — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 09:34:55 GMT

In the last year my husband has lost his brother in law, nephew (aged 25 from liver cancer), best friend (motorbike accident) and last month his dad died unexpectedly. We've also lost 3 pets in the last year, adored and terribly missed.

We just can't believe it. Dave's sister lost her husband, son and father in a year. I don't know how the family have coped.

Life can be really awful.

Re: Feeling Down

Vicky RVN — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:23:42 GMT

Thanks guys the are appreciated x

Re: Feeling Down

Maisy — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:20:16 GMT

Sorry to hear your news MissVetNurse, horrible thing to happen.

Re: Feeling Down

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:03:11 GMT

can I second what Sal said

Re: Feeling Down

Sal the 1st — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:56:48 GMT

hey there - dont you apologise. You said it yourself - you needed to get it off your chest. And I am sure most of us at some time or another have needed to do the same thing. If you need to talk drop me a line - I am usually hanging around somewhere

and take care

Re: Feeling Down

Vicky RVN — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:35:35 GMT

So sorry to hear that, it's such a tragic thing to happen to a young person. I am thinking of you xxx

My nan has been in hospital for 2 weeks, on thursday they told us she has cancer and on tuesday one of the doctors spoke to my mum and i and told us the true extent of her illness...she has it in the breast, liver, kidneys and lungs. My nan had told the docs she doesn't want any treatment and no resus should she need it, which the docs are in agreement with as treatment wouldn't do much to help her. She is on morphine for the pain. The doc who spoke to us said she'd seen a huge deterioration in 48 hours so doesn't think her life expectancy is long. I kind of knew in my head before we were told this that things weren't good. I had been strong for my mum up until then and hadn't cried in front of her, only at work where the other nurses have been fantastic and very supportive. But being told it by the doctors made it really hit home. The doctor and nurse very lovely though, very caring. My nan wants to go home to her flat so they are going to arrange for 24 hour nursing care so she can go home early next week. They've said she's got weeks rather than months, if it is even weeks. I can't stop thinking about it and spent the 1 hour 15 min drive home from college today wondering if she was still alive. I was dreading walking in the door when i got home to be told she'd gone.

I suppose i should think on the positive side though, at least she's in her 80's so has lead a full life. And she hasn't been suffering from this awful illness for long, she hasn't been 100% since christmas when she was hospitalised for 2 weeks but it's only in the last few days that she has got a lot worse. She told my sister she's had enough, she just wants to go (which is not like her, she's a real fighter), so i hope for her sake that it's soon.

Sorry i have taken over the post...i needed to get it off my chest.

Re: Feeling Down

Fleabee99 — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:33:05 GMT

hey MissVN so sorry for your loss, sending you lots of hugs and if you ever need a shoulder im sure i speak for all of us when i say we're ALWAYS here, like you said he is no longer suffering and that should definately be a comfort as im sure he wouldnt want you being upset but happy for him

chin up hunni im sure he's smiling down on you

Re: Feeling Down

Felicity Caldwell — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:27:40 GMT

So sorry to hear about the bad news - I really hope things start looking up soon. Keep your chin up

Everyone is so supportive on here...it is truly fantastic!!!

xxx

Re: Feeling Down

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:22:10 GMT

losing a loved one is never easy. i'm very sorry for your loss, i'm sure there isn't much I can say to make you feel better. but know you are in my thoughts. i hope you can take some time to grieve properly for your friend, he's at peace and not suffering anymore. lots of love and good vibes from us here xoxoxo

Re: Feeling Down

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:25:19 GMT

Sorry to hear that Miss VN