Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Alison Clare Hickman — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 23:57:37 GMT

Hi Bengalcat,

How are you feeling today?

Here's a virtual hug *MWAH*

Hope things are getting better for you.

Ali x

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Elerrina — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 22:06:09 GMT

I know exactly how you feel. Quite recently i have been pulled into the office a couple of times because of people complaining about me saying i am being rude to people. The person who i was apparently rude to didn't think i was rude but 3 people complained on the persons behalf which annoyed me as if the other person is ok then its not their place to get involved imo. And i'm not rude either just people misinterpret how i talk or word things and it gets me down a lot because i can't change who i am and nor should i have to. I've been there nearly 2 years you'd think people would understand me by now.

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Jo Oakden — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 15:02:44 GMT

Why on earth would you let other peoples opinions bother you like that, especially when they can't say these things to your face. if you love your job, hold your head up and show them whos the bigger person, or theres a shortage of nurses i'm sure another practice would snap you up!

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Alison Clare Hickman — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 11:20:44 GMT

On facebook???? I am absolutely, positively outraged on your behalf. Extremely unprofessional conduct. It is libel, surely? Are you a member of BVNA? If so, call Nicky Ackerley (HR Support) on 01822 870270 or e-mail Nicky@hrsupportconsultancy.co.uk for some guidance.

It is always better to address these issues in a constructive way so I sincerely hope you are in a position to do so. As forum colleagues have said, bringing in a mediator (manager) is a good thing, if it means that communication starts and problems can be ironed out.

I really feel for you. Not a nice feeling to find out that those you trusted as friends are gossiping nastily about you behind your back. However, at the very least, you are now in the position of being able to start to sort things out, yes? Be very brave and don't run away (unless that is the only sensible recourse), and confront the problem with a positive "I am going to make this right for everyone" attitude. None of us are saints so perhaps there could be some issues that you need to address about your own behaviour (??? no judgements here, just saying this from my own experience...lol), and listening to what other people say (and accepting, then changing any uncomfortable truths) can work a magic million. Alternatively it is sometimes as simple as unpicking someone else's misconceptions with an explanation of what you were thinking/doing at the time they felt you were 'being lazy', for example.

My own feeling is that the worst thing that you could do is to run away from the problem without at least giving it your best shot to try to make things better, even if that is not for 'them' but solely for you. However, if removing yourself from the problem is the only sane and sensible answer then don't, (as I once did), jump ship before you have examined the fire you are leaping into from the hot frying pan you are escaping (so to speak!). Horrible to go from one bad place to another equally as rancid...

I wish you well, I wish you strength and I wish you courage.

x x x x x x

Ali

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

BengalcatRVN — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 20:02:58 GMT

Thanks everyone, I think yesterday everything was a bit of a shock, others have complained how I appear to do nothing, so I made a concerted effort to do more, only to have nothing change. It is the fact that I hear most things 3rd or 4th hand, not from the original party. If people have issues with me and the way I work, it would be nice to discuss it rather than have someone inform me via facebook. I hate the "you didn't hear this from me but so-and-so says your lazy, someone else says you never do any work and jo bloggs, (who rarely sees you and you thought was a good friend) thinks all of the above. Kinda just shocked me yesterday. Things have def changed in the work place. I think I just needed to sit and think really. I am a qualfied vet nurse, so could do anything. I will never leave the nursing field, I love the hands on side of things (both client and animal) and the challenges I face!

<3 to you all xx

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Vickipr — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 12:42:45 GMT

[quote user="Dippy"]

AND.... that type of behaviour does actually say more about others' insecurities than about you Bengal Cat, never forget that.

[/quote]

You've hit the nail on the head there Dippy!

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Dippy — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 12:15:31 GMT

AND.... that type of behaviour does actually say more about others' insecurities than about you Bengal Cat, never forget that.

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Fluffywhiskers — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:07:50 GMT

Don't let them make you feel small. They're not worth it! You are a qualified RVN. Stand tall and be proud of who you are!!

I left my employment as a SVN as I could no longer put up with other peoples sly nastiness and malicious gossip.

All the gossip was eminenced from one person who always exaggerated and blew everything out of proportion. It was blatanly obvious she and the 'brown nosed colleagues' continually gossiped about me behind my back. I ignored it.

"nice-ness" does indeed bite you in the butt. It seems that no matter how nice you are or how hard you work, there will always be someone who takes advantage and do their best to undermine and victimise you. It is bullying. I didn'y have anyone I could trust in the company as they were all close friends and I was ostracized.

I'm glad I'm out of it but unfortunately this has ruined my career. What a mess! On the other hand, life is just way too short to put up with that sort of crap! I have enough to deal with in life without the added pressure of peoples' nastiness at work.

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Vickipr — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:43:46 GMT

Hi Bengal cat,

Firstly, sending you a big virtual ((((hug))))!

I agree with the others, definitely talk to someone in management if you can. Some people are so spiteful aren't they. One practice I worked in was like being back in high school with all the spitefulness by a couple of nurses.

It sounds like things need to be spoken about in your place, getting things out in the open often stops things, whereas if the 'whisperings' keep going on things just build up into something much bigger than it needs to be. Don't leave the industry just yet, it needs as many good nurses as it can get at the moment!

I think we have a number in my practice for a helpline, kind of like a samaritans for Vet Nurses, I've used them before when things got rough in my personal life, and they were brilliant, I'll have a look when I go in and message it to you, it always helps to have understanding people to talk to!

Also, don't feel small. You are not small at all, you are a fantastic person made all the more fantastic by being a vet nurse!

Vicki x

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Alison Clare Hickman — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:28:54 GMT

Hey there Bengalcat.

Here is a HUGE HUG for you. . You are not small - you are a Bengal Cat! Bengals know their worth. Bengals love life and tell it meet them on their terms, yes?! Bengals are strong, fearless and unafraid to show their fabulousness!!

I agree with Dippy wholeheartedly. Breathe in deep and see if you can find someone in 'management' to confide in and ask for support to sort things out . They should be able to act as a mediator . It is probably the best course now, as matters have got to the point of your tears.

It may not be as bad as you think once everyone is talking and listening to each other. Key ingredients, in my own experience, for a healthy relationship (of whichever kind!).

I hope you can find a way through this, (what am I saying, of course you will!).

Alison

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

Dippy — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 00:18:41 GMT

I was in a similar situation a few years back and I know how that affected me, all because of one person's gossip and others choosing to believe it., become two faced and stab me in the back. I was very fortunate in that we had an extremely supportive practice manager, who I went straight to to talk things over and the end result was an informal practice meeting, in which he set the record straight, asked for comments and feedback (without naming names or quoting who had said what) and basically said that we all needed to pull together and realise what others' roles involved and not to gossip. I also explained my side of things and it broke the ice when we were all able to discuss it (and it was something which didn't actually even involve 90% of the staff but the one person it did involve had taken it upon themself to spread their version of events, whereas I had tried to continue in my usual blissfully unaware manner until it became too much!) That meeting brought an end to the matter. Do you have anyone you could speak to within the practice who would deal with the situation professionally and unbiased?

Re: Nothing like rumours to spoil things

BengalcatRVN — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:37:17 GMT

Sorry, I just needed to off load a load.