my poor mum =(

Re: my poor mum =(

Saskia Quinn — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:47:42 GMT

Sarah, this is a terrible time for you, I know but please do concentrate on little squeak for the time she has left. You will regret it if you dont.

Chin up, Paula xx

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 17:45:03 GMT

oh dear love that must have been awful, at least we can say we dont know her, although if we did she'd prolly be dead by some unfortunate accident somewhat lol im just gona pretend its not happening when i see my dad coz tbh i cant be a*sed with the agro, hopefully il be successful at my 2nd interview and il be able to move away from all this think positive! plus id rather spend my time caring for my rat as she is reaching the end of her journey now so id rather do what i love and look after my "watty" in her time of need she always has a way to make me smile, i couldnt imagine doing anything else

Re: my poor mum =(

Mandy Chetwynd — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 20:03:43 GMT

Keep u r chin up.My dad walked out on my mum 1 year ago in Feb after 30 years of being together and i still can nt get my head around it.The worse thing is it is ome one we know.

Re: my poor mum =(

Saskia Quinn — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:25:36 GMT

I have just read through all the replies on this thread.

Sarah, I dont have anything to offer that has not already been said but I am a good listener if you ever want to talk xx

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:11:40 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

I don't suppose yopu could afford to change the locks in the next couple of days.. as you "lost" your key

[/quote]

i keep mentioning it to my mum lol! as for the other women my mum actually has her number and knows her name so has found her in the phone book so could also find out where she lives!! but anyway when she rung she said she didnt know at first (no suprise) and by the time she found out he was married it was too late she was already madly in love with him get a fucking grip love comes to mind!!! so basically he is screwing both of them over coz the other women knows hes not going to move in with her, god how shit you would feel if it was you? i mean really does she not realise shes just somewhere to dip his wick? (yes that isnt a typo lol!)

poor excuse for a women i reckon!

Re: my poor mum =(

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:16:10 GMT

I don't suppose yopu could afford to change the locks in the next couple of days.. as you "lost" your key

Re: my poor mum =(

dinkyd — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:21:01 GMT

Hi Sarah keep your chin up i know its difficult - only you know your mum and how much you need/not need be there for her - personally id be the same and want to stick by her and give ger someone to talk to - On another note - and i am not shifting the blame at all - how can this other woman see your father knowing he has a wife and family - especially after you have spoken to this woman or has she to got a hubby and family......!Id be livid and want to swing for the both of em!As i say not shifting the blame at all - fathers are a sore point for myself so can fully sympathise with you.Its obviously upsetting you not only because he has upset your mum but also as he has completely shatttered your trust in your dad- me - i would confront him - but only you will know whats right in your heart.I really hope you get things sorted out.Good luck hun xx

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:42:16 GMT

yeh i can understand, ive realised after speaking to her though that its not just one way, i use her to talk to too as obviously i feel like my dad had died and been replaced so its hard, but shes only keeping me informed mostly and letting me make my own mind up about it so its not all hit the fan yet, so im hopeful we'll just be there for each other and the relationship wont become unhealthy but thanks for your opinion as it is helpful to get both sides of the story and hear it from someone whos been through it and it hasnt been all roses, but i do hope you get better and try to remember when times with your mum were good, and try to think it wasnt her who started it

good luck hunni xx

Re: my poor mum =(

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:25:38 GMT

Cheers Sarah, I guess I'm just being a little jaded. I would hate to have someone go through what I did and what i'm dealing with at the moment. My mother essentially ignored me and involved me in too many of her problems. She forgot to just be my mom.

[quote user="sarah parrott"]

im really sorry to hear that steph if i get through with this job ive applied for i will be moving away so they will be able to bang their heads together while im not there, but i do hope it works out for you, i know you wish you hadnt been there but am sure your mum appreciated it deep deep down, so it wasnt all a waste

[/quote]

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:46:56 GMT

Re: my poor mum =(

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:41:38 GMT

Good luck Sarah, I hope it works out for you. I wish everyday I had walked away from the mess with my mom and had a better relationship with her. She fell into depression under my support, as I did the same as you are doing. She then started not taking her heart medication or her depression meds. Began to clutter her house with mess, not eat properly and basically let go even with me supporting her and pick up the pieces. She died of cardio myopathy and had not taken her meds that day and had oatmeal cookies for dinner the night before and for breakfast. I quit school to look after her and I'm having a really hard time getting back into school 4yrs on after she died.

I hope it never gets that bad for you.

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:30:07 GMT

hi guys thanks for all your support but personally id rather be there for my mum, she used to just cry on her own and id walk in on her, while drinking alot! so i told her to come to me instead, as for my dad he means sod all to me now, i just want to be there for my mum

and by the way new news, my dad has got the weekend off and has preferred to be off the radar with the tart, than join my mum in germany visiting my brother whos wife is due anyday ( did i also mention hes in the army and could be shipped off back to iraq anyday after the baby is born where he may not come back!!) what a shit indeed!

i still duno whether to confront him as my mum is away til weds so it would be awkward for the rest of the week so gona wait til she gets back and has her say instead, but suffice to say he still hasnt been home still thursday morning ..... will he be back this weekend? lets place bets!!

Re: my poor mum =(

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:07:25 GMT

[quote user="StephB"]I believe she needs to not involve her daughter, it's selfish. She needs to buck up and deal with it. It's unhealthy for her to stress her daughter out and put all this on her. It should be her mother on this forum asking for help NOT her[/quote]

I am sorry but I dont agree with that at all, at the end of the day it is still her dad, and he is not only hurting her mother, but hurting the whole family, and I believe that if you are hurting then you need to say so. Yes it is their relationship that is on the rocks, but this has a knock on effect for all.

Re: my poor mum =(

loobylou — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:35:40 GMT

I have been in a similar situation these last few months with my partners parents. His dad left the family home after 27 years of marriage by leaving a letter for his wife with his 21 yr old son and going off with some tart he met on facebook!! Since then we have found alsorts of things out, having mortgage breaks without my mother-in-laws knowledge, loans and credit card debts, stashes of porn. Its all messed up.

I think the most heartbreaking thing is that Ive known this man for 9 years, have spent family holidays and special occasions with him and yet now I dont even know him. He even blocked me on facebook because I tried to talk to him about it!

From experiance with this situation, even if adultery has been proved, both parties will be equal to half of all assetts including property and inheritance left to one of them. In some circumstances, if you can prove you are more needy of it, a judge can award the assetts to be split 60/40 or 70/30 etc. We are currently trying to stop my father in law from selling the family home as my partners 2 brothers (aged 21 and 23) are still living them and neither them or my mother-in-law could afford anywhere else.

I hope things work out ok for you and your mother, if oyu feel you need a chat them just send me a message. I dont know alot about the legal side if things but have been there and know what your feeling.

Re: my poor mum =(

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 09:03:57 GMT

[quote user="Caro Laithwaite"]

l disagree to a degree with Steph. If it was my father l would let him have it with both barrels. I would have a long talk with my Mum about what's happening. You probably need to reevaluate your relationship with her from little baby to full adult.

Would also have the luggage packed and outside the door with the locks changed. As ST or SJ or someone said. That however is not your choice but you can always offer to help pack things in the bin liners.

Crappy and alone does not solve problems My mum drives me batty Sal and l have talked about putting her mum and my mum in the same house but at the end of the day l will always be there for my mum.

If someone is better off alone then how come people come on here for help and support. They should just sort it out themselves.
When you are in a wood you need guidance. She is not thinking straight and is having her head screwed. The abuse which it is, is worse than being beaten as there is bruses there that people can see, with what is happening there is no bruises.
Yes l agree about the last sentence raising.... however you should always be there if family needs you. unless that person is abusing you.

[/quote]

I don't believe she needs to be alone. I believe she needs to not involve her daughter, it's selfish. She needs to buck up and deal with it. It's unhealthy for her to stress her daughter out and put all this on her. It should be her mother on this forum asking for help NOT her.

You say you should always be there for your family if they need you. Unless they are abusing you. I'm sorry but emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. Her mother is emotionally abusing their relationship together. causing her stress and discomfort. THAT IS ABUSE! I never thought that either when my mother did it to me until she died and have now gone to a therapist and talked about the way my mother was with me. It's an innapropriate realtionship to have your child involved in your abusive marriage. Putting all your problems on your child, calling them and involving them in the conspiracy between you and your partner is an abusive realtionship. She does not to be this invovled in the situation. She has been pulled into the middle of it, by phone calls from a worried mother and abusive and childish father. She's become the go between. Her mother is just as guilty of emotional abuse as her father is.

Re: my poor mum =(

Christine Chapman — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:38:21 GMT

Haha Caro, close, but not quite

Re: my poor mum =(

Caro Laithwaite VN — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:30:15 GMT

A hitman?

Re: my poor mum =(

Christine Chapman — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:27:41 GMT

Here in New Zealand you can apply for a 'trespass order' against the person who is committing the adultery or similar. This is done through the police and believe me it works!!! Your family are suffering because of this 'man' and you all need to stand up and support each other. Do you think you and your mum are suffering from too much stress which is affecting your thinking, mood etc? I would strongly suggest you get professional help for this before it escalates!

Re: my poor mum =(

Caro Laithwaite VN — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:02:31 GMT

Crappy and alone does not solve problems My mum drives me batty Sal and l have talked about putting her mum and my mum in the same house but at the end of the day l will always be there for my mum.

Re: my poor mum =(

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:53:09 GMT

Sarah, this is going to sound really harsh but I went through something similar with my mother before she died. It all made me realise something. They are adults, it's their decision on how they deal with it and it's not fair for your mom to get you involved in it. But i understand that it's hard for you to watch it happen and it hurts you. but if i could do it all over, I would stay the hell out of it. Try to focus on your own life so when your mom REALLY needs you, you can be there for her.

Right now they both need to work it the hell out and keep you out of it! Your dad is being a dickhead and your mom needs to stick up for herself and stop coming to you with it all for attention. She needs to feel crappy and alone in order to snap out of it and do something! having you as a crutch and support is only prolonging her not putting her foot down and sorting it out.

I know this will not be easy for you, but i hope you can have the strength. It's like letting an addict have their fix, relationships are addictions of comfort and regularity in life be them abusive or not. Your mum needs to hit rock bottom so she can stand up and be a woman about it! You have to remember she raised YOU! You worry about you so she doesn't have to worry about you and she can worry about her.

Re: my poor mum =(

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:42:37 GMT

Night Sarah I am off to bed too, no work till 6pm tomorrow for me though so I am lucky and having a lie in.

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:35:33 GMT

anyway im going to have to prise myself away to go to bed as i have work exp at a vets in york tomorrow (an hour away) so need to be fresh tomorrow (well today) morning, but thanks for everything i feel much better about the situation now and hopefully i will get that job! il forward this post to my phone so il see replies but cant reply (coz iphones are sh*t!!)

thanks again xx

Re: my poor mum =(

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:33:33 GMT

You are welcome. I have added you as a friend on here so you can pm me when you feel crap or want a chat

Re: my poor mum =(

Fleabee99 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:31:03 GMT

strangly enough i have done this before when telling my mum something, duno why i didnt thinkof it! thanks very much i will do that, possibly add at the end "please dont confront me about this letter as it would be very awkward for both of us and id prefer not to argue" yeh i shall do that

thank you so much for being there youve been a

Re: my poor mum =(

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:24:49 GMT

I hope you get the job too. I would def have my say though, you dont have to say it in anger, I think it would probably be more of an impact if you say exactly how he has made you feel in a calm and composed way, that will strike more of a chord than anything said in anger.The thing is he is not just hurting your mum, he is hurting you too and you are entitled to your say in the matter if it affects you.

If you feel you cant say it to his face write it down and give it to him, I think he needs to know that it's not just him and your mum involved in this.