what will you leave when you go?

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:01:11 GMT

Sincere thanks Caro. You know me too well!

Definitely sorting one asap.

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:56:33 GMT

Something else is Enduring Power of Attorney you may consider discussing it with older family members and having one drawn up to be activated if need be and leave it lodged with the lawyer. I am sadly in the process of activating Mums at the moment she will never go home or to shelted but into a care home. It is easier for me that l am an only child but where other family members are concerned then what would happen if something happened and they continued living who would they want to look after their affairs It will mean running 2 lives yours and theirs. And in familys with other members it could cause friction.

Unfotunatly death or the lead up t it is not something that is discussed it is looked on as morbid, swept under the carpet with "you have years yet" only who knows what is round the corner. Because Brian and l discussed things also my folks and l a lot of stress has been lifted with wills, enduring powers of attorneys and in my case a living will and a new formal will.

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:43:26 GMT

Paula with kids and your situation then YES please make a will it is so importaint for your kids. You may want them to go to your Mum if anything happens but will tell you now that wont happen unless the courts deem it is in their interests unless you stated it in a will. Would also say get a lawyer to do it for you.

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Saskia Quinn — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:44:04 GMT

I have never thought about making a will but after reading the nice posts I really should.

Sal I never got to click on your link but find it disturbing that someone should take offence to something that is so precious to your late dad's memory. Thinking of you x

Re: what will you leave when you go?

hissycat — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 01:54:06 GMT

Hi Katie, sorry to hear about your dad, I think dementia is a very cruel disease. I also cannot imagine looking at another person and having to decide whether their quality of life is good enough.

Unfortunately from what i've been told just discussing it with your relatives isn't always enough, even though healthcare staff have to take their views into consideration they do not have to act on them. You can't generally consent for another person, unless you have made them an attorney to have decision making power should you lose the capacity yourself, and if life sustaining treatment is involved this has to be specified. Otherwise there is the advance decision to refuse treatment which has to be followed provided it is 'valid and applicable'. We were told of a very sad case where a lady had a stroke, her husband knew she would not want to live as she was but the hospital staff had to act in what they considered to be in her best interests. He contested it in court but it took years to go through, eventually he took both their lives. I don't think its something many people think about because it is so morbid, but if you make a will for property etc, maybe it should be brought up then. To be honest I knew very little about these provisions till I started studying them.

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Katie Mansfield — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 10:14:51 GMT

Sadly I think there's a very high chance of some of us ending up in a state where we can't make decisions for ourselves - or can't communicate our wishes. Morbid, horrible thought, but the population is living longer these days and that increases the risk of some of us developing dementia / Alzheimers disease. My lovely dad, bless his heart, had vascular dementia caused by a series of mini-strokes he had years before the on-set and an episode of bradycardia that caused seizures. He was fitted with a pace-maker but the damage to his brain had been done. It began slowly - a few episodes of being a bit vacant and starring into space, forgetting the names of things and getting lost. Then all of a sudden he needed 24 hour care.

My dad was a very intelligent man. He was an engineer in the Air Force before studying mathematics, gaining a MSc and becoming a maths teacher. The dementia caused him to lose the power of speech, the ability to eat and he was incontinent. In the hospital they treated him like an imbecile and spoke down to him as if he were a child, but he got his own back by sitting in the doctors' staff room and refusing to move. I tried explaining to the matron that Dad probably thought he was at work and should be sitting in with them listening to intelligent conversation instead of being stuck in front of endless daytime tv shows. They weren't very flexible.

Dad had carried a donor card from the time they were introduced, so we knew his wishes on that score, but we'd never discussed resuss or what he would like to happen should he become unable to communicate. Yes from the outside it looked as if he had no quality of life because he was so dependent - but how can you really know what someone else is feeling or what they want? Apart from the dementia he was relatively fit although he did pick up colds easily. He was always smiling and if you played music he would well up and sway in time to the beat. He looked happy, but how do you really know? I could never have signed anything to say let him die if he became critically ill because I had no idea what he would have wanted. The doctors took the decision out of our hands and when Dad contracted pneumonia we were told hospital policy for dementia sufferers was DNR. He was only 73.

Hubby and I have now had the discussion and we know exactly what the other would like to happen. We have also told our oldest kids, who will probably be the ones who will have to sign the paperwork. I think it's vitally important - you never know what's around the corner.

K x

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Tracey Louise — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:39:51 GMT

I didnt get to read the thread before it was removed, but i was interested in seeing what it said which is why i clicked on it, sounded lovely.

Just my cats to get homes sorted when i pass away, but would like to leave something special for my loved ones, has got me thinking now..........

Re: what will you leave when you go?

hissycat — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 19:23:30 GMT

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2005/9/contents

link for anyone who might want more information

Re: what will you leave when you go?

hissycat — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 19:19:23 GMT

Looking around me at the moment I am gonna leave a whole lotta shoes! and not much else, but I've had fun...

On a more serious note, I am currently writing an essay on the mental capacity act and I agree it is a good idea (though not a very nice thought) to think about what you might want should the worst happen. Its full title is an advanced decision to refuse treatment, meaning you can refuse life sustaining treatment in certain situations. This has to be taken into account by the people treating you. You cannot demand or specify what treatment you would like, as things like pain relief, cleanliness etc will be done in your best interests anyway, but you can refuse artificial nutrition and things of that nature. you can also appoint an attorney to make decisions on your behalf. I think its very important for people to think about these things or it can make for some difficult decisions for your family/ healthcare staff. Anyway, hope noone here ever needs it but something to think about

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Caro Laithwaite VN — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:24:40 GMT

Oh l forgot on the subject of wills you can now legally hold an Advanced decision also called a Living Will. it states what you want done should you end up unable to speak for yourself. Mine states l am to have Pain relief and sedation and be allowed to die l have very tight parameters the lawyer felt it may be challenged by drs but l have made my wishes clear to everyone who knows me and left a letter to the judge so it it came to that the Dr would l hope loose.

It makes me cross that someone makes an informed decision about their life and a mere dr or other person can challenge that persons wishes as they find it distasteful yet some faceless bureaucrat who never knew my Dad and had some fancy title of moral guardian made the decision the first time Dad ended up in recus that he was a DNR yet my Dad loved life and would have been horrified at that even though yes trying to get him back would have killed him. Very double standards.

If you do want an Advanced decision l would advise a lawyer does it even though you can get the paperwork on line it is still tricky ground.

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Caro Laithwaite VN — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:11:20 GMT

Sal if l get my hands on the person who didnt like the link/post l shall sort them lower than scum.

Brian left a will & legacy of love and his parachute equipment and some bits and pieces. I have done a will out and the lawyer looked at the list and said ok you take care of that lot l will do this... the expensive and legacy's insurances etc. Mine was books, photos computers furniture etc etc.

Forget age get a will written it doesnt matter if you have kids or not married/partner or alone, Those who have to sort your affairs out when you die shouldnt be left a mess to deal with while coping with heartache. You would be surprised how much you do have when you look at it not counting loans/bank accounts insurances/ sit back and take stock then help minimise the stress for those who didnt die.Doesn't have to be fancy it can just be on a will sheet from the stationers and say say l leave every thing to... or you can break it all down to gifts or legacys and need a lawyer but for gods sake

GET A WILL

Re: what will you leave when you go?

emmadilemma — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:39:36 GMT

Ignore the negative normans it was a lovely idea for a thread. My plan is to try to not leave too much destruction behind me

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Katie Mansfield — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:29:32 GMT

My dad died a year ago 3rd Dec. He was a maths teacher before he retired and did a lot for the school sports-wise - he ran the cross country, athletics and football teams. We had a trophy made for the cross country in his name and my children (ie his grandchildren) presented it to the winner at prizegiving in July.

K x

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Gillian Mostyn — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:13:43 GMT

My Dad also died just over 3 years ago, at 60 years old. He was a builder and I love seeing the buildings/walls/extensions he created. He buried a time capsule in the foundations of a large wall that he built around an industrial area 40 years ago .... makes me smile to think about what he may have put in there (he couldn't remember!!!)

Re: what will you leave when you go?

F1chick — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:10:18 GMT

[quote user="Sal the 1st"]

it was a link one of my dads friends sent me of an engine my dad had built which is still running and still being enjoyed by many people. I am very proud of my father and of what he achieved in his lifetime, the link was sent to me to let me know that he was still remembered (today is the 3rd anniversary of his passing).

[/quote]

I don't understand how someone can object to a link like that. Thinking of you Sal. xx

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Katie Mansfield — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 10:27:30 GMT

It's a wonderful thing when others remember your loved ones, especially on anniversaries. Your father must have touched many people, Sal, and you should be proud.

Thinking of you today,

K x

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Sal the 1st — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:58:52 GMT

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Vicky RVN — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:04:37 GMT

Ah Sal people can sod off. I'm sure you didn't say anything offensive, ignore them!

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Ju_xx — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:21:33 GMT

I've never really thought about it really. People keep telling me to sort a will out but at 23 I don't like thinking about it! Bad as you never know what is round the corner I suppose. Ignore people giving you a 1 star, you asked a question and started a topic and was a personal thing re your father too and people should respect that. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it but that's my opinion...

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Dippy — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:04:26 GMT

Oh! I just logged back in to see if anyone else had written anything and it's gone!

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Sal the 1st — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:31:36 GMT

thanks for the one star whoever it was - hope somebody can do the same for you some day!

Re: what will you leave when you go?

Dippy — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:05:13 GMT

My legacy will be the kennels which are named after me (my surname) in Cyprus - bought for PARC with the money I raised by jumping out of that damn plane (so it WAS all worth it really, despite being traumatised!)