moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

laurad — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 10:17:53 GMT

thanks all for your help. I'm positive this is the right decision for me. it only highlights that i need to move out i guess when i clearly don't get on with my mum. keeping my head down until moving day 3 weeks to go :)

just hope i make it work intact theres no hoping il have to i dread coming home at the moment

thanks again all your support and suggestions have been great. i really appreciate it x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Nicola Smith — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 10:08:27 GMT

Hi Laura!! Stick with it and dont let it get you down. Just see this as an opening to a new chapter of your life. My mum can be difficult too and once didnt speak to me for 18 months as she didnt like my then boyfriend. I find the best thing to do is ignore her when she is is 'on one' and she will come round. I have got on loads better with her since I moved out.

Good luck with the move and dont let this put a dampener on things X

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

chanel clydesdale — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 01:04:57 GMT

she sounds like my mum!! It took me to have a huge argument one weekend with my mum to actually bite the bullet and do it becuase it was either then or never. I moved out very early at 18 to live with my boyfriend and it was extremely hard. My mum kept expecting me to go back to her after a few weeks but i didnt and four years on i have the best relationship ive ever had with her. Im living in the cayman islands atm but i actually am looking forward to being closer to home and that something i never thought i would say.

Just hang in there, everything will fizzle out and she will realise you can stand on your own two feet. It will be the best decision you make for the long run. x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Steph Phillips — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 21:29:21 GMT

Aw hun.. so sorry to hear about your nan

Could your mum maybe behaving this way because she's grieving for the loss of her Mum?? maybe she see's you as a strong person and feels like she 'needs' you around her? or maybe she's angry because she's just lost her mum, and feels like she's loosing a daughter now too??

I don't know.. but I do know that your right in wanting to move on in your life, I obviously don't know your family, but I don't think your mum is deliberately being selfish.. if she is, then you need serious words and make it clear to her that you intend on living your life how you see fit and not how she 'thinks' you should..

Best of luck on your moving day hun, hope things improve for you xxxx

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Vickipr — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 17:56:16 GMT

Your mum will get over it eventually. Just give her time. She's probably feeling fragile at the moment after your grans death. Which isn't an excuse to treat you badly at all, but may be the reason why she's kicked off so much? I totally empathise with missing your dad, I missed mine terribly, but it definitely gets easier. I'm glad you're moving in with your boyfriend, then you wont be on your own at least. Focus on the excitement of moving out! I loved choosing furniture and stuff (I totally should have been a 50s housewife!) Good luck xx

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

laurad — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 17:31:37 GMT

hiya vicky, I'm alright my mums cut me out of family events though this weekend :( my moving date is the 29th of this month. iv not spoken to my mum because like i say i went out last night and said let me know what the plans are and one of the events has happened and i was told nothing so its clear how she feels. I'm glad you resisted and found it to be a good decision. that gives me inspiration in knowing I'm not alone with parents or a mum like this

x x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

laurad — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 17:28:37 GMT

thats what i expect il be like is home sick but I'm moving in with my boyfriend. iv heard that quite a lot about not wanting to move back. il miss my dad loads.

thanks x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Vickipr — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:41:25 GMT

Hey, how are you doing? Have you managed to speak to your mum at all? When is your moving date?

I moved out 4 years ago, when I was 22, which felt quite young at the time. My dad (who brought me up) was absolutely distraught and cried the whole day, which really upset me as you can imagine! However, I had to move out as I was living with my dad and his wife, and his wife's two children. His wife absolutely hated me, and had given an age limit of me to move out, which was 21, and since that birthday had been making life more and more intolerable until I felt I had no choice.

However, it was a good thing for me in the end, I'm a different person now, in better ways. I moved about 60 miles from home to London, for a job, and also as my then partner (now husband yay!) lives here. I did feel homesick at first, and missed my dad and my friends a lot, as it wasn't close enough to just pop home in the evenings to see them. But, now I wouldn't change things. My dad did take a lot of adjusting, and kept trying to get me to move back to my hometown to be closer, but I resisited, and very glad I did.

I think that once you move out things will be easier with your mum. Could your dad speak to her for you? Fingers crossed for everything, and I hope you sort things with your mum x

Vicki x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

r-more — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 21:16:58 GMT

I was 29, felt weired at first and a bit boring - coming home to an empty, quiet place, nothing going on. Was quite "home sick" at first but once you get over it it's great and you probably wouldn't want to move back in with your folks!

Good luck!

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Diane Chrismas — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 20:01:54 GMT

Hi Laura,

I moved out from home 2 years ago. I was 35!

My mum wasn't very happy about it either. I knew she thought I would fail and would go running home. I didn't and 2 years later it is the best thing I have done. I live in a flat above the surgery I work at. It was a big decision for me, as had a lot of animals and they had to be rehomed mostly, but I don't regret it a bit. Finacially it was difficult, my first flat was the pits. Dark, depressing and next door to two very noisy outside kennelled rottweilers that barked a lot of the time. Since moving to my current place I am 100% happy and love it. Me, my dog Rocky, a 1 eyed rabbit and 3 guineapigs. Oh and the new place has a massive garden for my dog so he loves it to. Things will settle down. Go for it.

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

laurad — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:27:03 GMT

hi steph, thanks for your kind words. my mum is irrational. and me and her never really got on anyway she prefers my younger sister. i just don't need to be told really negative things by her when this decision has been massive for me. i won't lie i find it very daunting moving out but we all need to don't we :(

thanks again xx

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

supamog — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:17:27 GMT

Aw hun sorry to hear about your Nan, it's not easy making life-changing decisions after a bereavement. Having said that, may i speak as a Mum? I think your Mum is not really having a go at you personally, she is probably feeling very low and confused and at the best of times some people don't like changes and maybe she is scared of losing you too, not that she will. That's not to say that you are not right to be moving out and enjoying your freedom and becoming your own person. I have lost count of the times i have just "had it" with my grown-up kids but when push comes to shove, maternal instincts kick in and i know she will be there to support you if things don't turn out the way you hope. Dads on the other hand, tend to keep their heads down and let their women get on with it! My kids are like boomerangs! leaving home, all gung-ho, then it all goes pear-shaped when the relationship breaks down or the new job is not what it was supposed to be! All in all i never really got on with my Mum but i make sure i'm there for my boys and at the end of the day we may have a few good ding-dongs but we always get there in the end. Feel free to pm me if you feel it would help x

Re: moving out of home for the first time and family feuds

Steph Worsley — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:14:45 GMT

Hey hun

sorry to hear you are having problems, it may be that your mum is still upset oer the death of your nan and feels she is losing 2 important people in her life in very close succession (I know you're not going a million miles but she prob doesnt see it like that) She probably still sees you as her baby (I know you're not but this is your mum, you will be her baby forever)

Try to sit down with your mum and talk things through, explain that you are still there for her but you feel like it's time for you to move out and stand on your own two feet, maybe show her your maths to show you have thought long and hard about it and yes you can afford it. try and be calm when you are talking to her and dont start arguing, maybe yolur dad can help act as an intermediary.

I have to say my relationship with my mum has improved 100% since I moved out

Good luck xx