Depression and bullying - please help

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Sammyannieantha — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 15:42:53 GMT

Big hugs to you sweet!i do feel for you i really do -most of us nurses have been through some sort of depression. Do you think that this practice and its gremlin of a manager is the reason why your depression is continuing??you defo need to get out of there hun and take some time out-your health MUST come first!you can find something once your feeling better!!there are nice practices out there (some have politics but bearable politics and its new shit lol). Please dont feel like you have to stay there, like catherine said get a sicknote and they cant touch you then just say your not coming back. life is so precious and you work to live, not live to work xxxxxxxxx

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

supamog — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 15:07:58 GMT

hi hope you are feeling better, it's good to share. You have all my sympathy in the world. I have had the same sort of problems and the person doing this is young enough to be my daughter! It almost as if someone has been cloned! It's very scary and totally unacceptable. I agree with all the other comments on here. It is hard to believe that these sort of people manage to stay in practice and how many of us put up with it on a daily basis so that i either becomes the norm or we learn to get by which is also wrong. Glad that you have found support on here and hope things improve soon.

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

The Pikachu_Collector — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 17:27:10 GMT

Hi, I think its all been said on here.

I have also been diagnosed with depression and after being unfairlty dismissed from a great job for something that was not my fault (got it sorted in the end)! I no exactly how you feel.

Be strong, concerntrate on your job and enjoy it. If you can, please take the advice above - Citizens advice are brilliant - they can even sit in on your appraisals or meetings.

If there is someone else in the practice that you can confide in, another partner, head nurse, head vet. that can be very helpful.

If you have exhausted every avenue - then look for another position. Sadly Practice partners/managers rarely change jobs.

I'm sure you are an excellent nurse and you deserve better

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Leah Zykin — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 13:28:56 GMT

I'm nearly 3 months gone on anti depressents having recently been diagnosed due to stress at work, and while they definately take the edge off, I cant recommend more asking to be reffered to a counsellor or something similar. My doctor referred me to a local charity for people with mental health issues and we decided on a 6 week one weekly therapy sessions. I had my last one last week, and while the problem is still there, my therapist was amazing and showed me ways to cope, ways to identify problem areas and how to assess my future sensibly. Things are by no means fixed, but theres now light at the end of a once very dark tunnel. So i'd say definatly speak to someone like that, its amazing how much you open up to a stranger and how much you learn about yourself, and that its ok to be you!!

Good luck, I really hope you feel better!!:)

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Katie B — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:06:27 GMT

That is disgusting treatment treatment, you need to speak to someone as she is clearly bullying you. So sorry to hear your distress, just stay strong and report her.

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Catherine Raymond — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 22:41:46 GMT

This PM is not allowed to do this and needs to be dealt with.

Don't apologise for the essay - you need to let it out. Ask your dr to be referrred to your community mental health team, who will be able to help you find ways to deal with things in addition to medication. Along with medication my local team have helped me more than I can describe.

Us 'mental health' people are protected under the disabled discrimination act which if you get in touch with the BVNA helpline will give you excellent advice.

You deserve better. If you stay where you are then you will hit rock bottom and believe me that is not a place you want to be. Please really consider leaving the practice where you are. Take time out to get yourself in a place where you can see yourself working again.

If you can't leave, then (I know it sounds bad) get a sicknote for 3-4 weeks. This will enable you to get out of the practice, think about what you want to do and talk through with external people and have time to breathe.

Unfortunately some people still see depression as an excuse/weakness/easy way out. It isn't, and these people are the nutters.

if you asked everyone on here you would find lots of us 'nutty nurses' ( as my boss lovingly refers to me!) who will talk openly about our experiences, and there are some of us that manage on medication/counselling/various therapies/combinations and even though we work, there are times we just want to curl up in bed and say screw the world.

If you don't feel you can go to the doc then talk to us! You are not alone. I promise.

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 21:47:53 GMT

I've witnessed a few counts of bullying in practice, but your situation sounds far worse. In my experience, any meetings or disciplinaries you have (even informal) should be noted in writing, someoone should be present as a witness to write minutes and you should be allowed a representative who will stick up for you if asked.

There is a shortage of VNs which is exactly why it isnt worth putting yourself through this turmoil. The practice is obviously struggling to get staff so if you are that unhappy then you should leave and its there own fault if they can't cope. There is a lot of shit in this profession, but one good thing is if a nurse is unhappy there is no shortage of jobs that need to be filled. Go for it! There are plenty of adverts for trainee nurses that already have started in practice.

It sounds like this PM has some insecurity issues.

1) You need to speak to whoever is higher than her e.g. practice partner/owner.

2) Speak to BVNA (thats what there there for). I'm sure this PM is breaking a few employment laws in how she is treating you.

Good luck! Dont' let her drag you down. It sounds like she needs you more than you need her.

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Vicky RVN — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:53:26 GMT

Sorry I don't have anything to suggest that hasn't already been said. Just want to say good luck and hope things work out for you. Take care of yourself xxx

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Susan Jackson — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:39:21 GMT

You've got some good responses today all of which have been very sound advise. I'm working wiith a girl now who's training to be a conselor, and from listening to her and what she's training in, I would strongly recommend getting help. I presume you don't want to be on medication the rest of your life, but I think professional help would be best for your problem and with how low you are feeling.

As far as my own point of view, I never found that you can change someones personailty, and I certainly don't feel complaining to anyone gets you very far especially in Vet nursing. This is a big shame for us. I think you should plan your escape!

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Katherine Spear — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 15:13:27 GMT

Definitely dont think your over reacting, you need to put yourself first and start applying for other jobs, althought i know they are hard to come by until you qualify. Have you got someone you can talk to above the practice manager, perhaps one of the partners? you could speak to them about it, or take them a letter with it all written if you will find that easier to articulate your feelings. you may find tha tyour not the first to complain about the manager or something. Definitely speak to the BVNA for advice, or the other veterinary helplines. you must put your health first certainly.Dont let her bring you down, bullies are not worth it. xx

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Phrin Vernon RVN — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 22:45:20 GMT

Sal & Mrs Dot give good advice!

I'd also just like to say well done for posting in the first place, and asking for help! Sometimes even that can be a huge hurdle crossed! So well done!

Good luck - looking for a new job with less intensive hours would be a good idea, but its not easy to find an SVN job these days, especially one with nice hours - its worth looking, but a sad fact that most places work SVN's into the ground for minimum wage :(

Like Mrs Dot Dot says - try to look after yourself - its hard sometimes to say no, but for your own sake you have to!

Again - Hugggs xxxxx

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Mrs Dot Dot — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 22:36:14 GMT

Definately phone the BVNA for advice. Definately PM Sal for support and advice. You should cut down as much as you can on the extra o/calls and overtime.... they don't go well with depression. Is there anyone else you can talk to there... your boss? a senior nurse etc.

Try and make sure you eat well... drink plenty of water/ fruit/ veg etc .. cut out caffeine/ sugar/fizzy drinks/ chocolate etc

Start thinking about yourself and looking after no1.... It's easy, if you are concientious and caring, to say yes to everything and say you will do o/t and o/c's etc Learn to say no... it's hard but it's for your sanity... no-one else is taking care of you at the moment so you have to learn too.

Start looking for another job... if things are as bad as they sound, you are worth more than that, and there are some good practices out there, with good people... it may mean that your training gets delayed abit but your mental and physical health is more important!

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Sal the 1st — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 22:07:39 GMT

In agreement - yes you should have a representative with you, especially if you feel threatened and that is as important for the practice as it is for you so that it is known exactly what has been said.

feel free to pm me if it helps

Re: Depression and bullying - please help

Phrin Vernon RVN — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 20:59:35 GMT

Awwww honey, I hope you are OK! I too suffer from severe depression and know just how debilitating it can be!

I'm sure you are a fabulous nurse, because of the sensitivity and empathy you have for your patients.

You are seeing your GP and are on meds - you need to ask for referral to a specialist, who will help you find the right treatment, with not so much switching about of meds - again I've been there - not nice at all.

I must admit, that having been in a very similar situation, my reaction, rightly or wrongly - I still can't decide, was to decide that my health was more important, and I resigned.

Also, at any disciplinary meeting, you are entitled to, and should have, another person of your choosing in there with you - doesn't have to be a member of staff, but often is, can be a friend etc (don't think it can be family tho), but from my understanding it is YOUR choice who you have in with you - I have been browbeaten in my baby nurse days into having a hostile member of staff who regularly lied about me, sit in as the 'witness' - don't let this happen to you.

Phone the BVNA helpline, or contact ACAS or CAB - bullying is not allowed in the workplace, and depression IS an illness!

Hugs xxxx