bullying?

Re: bullying?

hissycat — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 14:43:18 GMT

well I spoke with my course leader about this a couple of times and agreed to meet with him and the mentor hopefully to get an explanation of the comment but the mentor has refused to do this. Just thinking I should forget about it now, if he doesn't have the decency to sit and talk through something that has obviously upset me maybe i should just concentrate on passing the exams and see how things are after?

Re: bullying?

Sal the 1st — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:31:14 GMT

from the way my example turned out then yes there is a possibility the mentor could have thought you were a bit cocky - but only a possibility and dont forget I wasnt there so I dont know the ins and outs. I wasnt saying you are an arrogant person at all - just pointing out that it is so very easy sometimes for people to get the wrong impression from what is sometimes said or done with the best of intentions. Nobody is perfect - and certainly not me. Maybe I have totally misread this as well?

I do agree with you its not good to put somebody down in front of a group of others - but I have to admit when somebody has majorly peed me off I have been guilty of doing just that, sometimes it has been accidental, non intentional but sometimes when I feel I have been attacked or threatened then yes I just go for it! - as I say I am not perfect, I have a temper just like everybody else but I usually pay for it in guilt afterwards

Re: bullying?

hissycat — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:13:12 GMT

So d'you think it might have come across as me being cocky by saying I didn't panic in practical situations? i did think about that but then i did say after i certainly didn't think I knew everything and needed to work on my knowledge rather than confidence. I don't think i am an arrogant person at all (at least I really hope not!) so it is upsetting to think someone might think that about me. I have sent an email to my course leader anyway so he will probably speak to us both again. To be honest i would just like the mentor to leave me alone as much as possible, as i will prob not have to see them after the summer anyway. maybe I have been too defensive, but idon't think i can (or should) let someone put me down in a room full of people and just let it go. I wasn't going to mention other students at all, just wanted to get their viewpoint

Re: bullying?

Sal the 1st — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 19:36:41 GMT

I am not suggesting you should ignore what has happened - especially if has left you feeling so hurt, but if you can talk it through with your tutors/mentors and reach a solution whereby everybody is more comfortable about this than they are now at least you can continue your studies in an easier atmosphere. If it becomes a battle then you are looking at winners and losers situation

When is your next tutorial due? If you cant raise this before maybe mention it at your next tutorial. Try not to involve other students in this,its a surefire way to get a tutors back up - you may find yourself a scapegoat.

This is an example of how this whole thing may have come about.

I used to be involved in a classroom situation where hypnosis was being taught. We broke into smaller groups after watching a demo of a particular technique. The people in the smaller group were of mixed abilities both hypnosis wise and social skill wise (this was intentional)- some were super confident , there was one who was a professional tv presenter looking to change career and another in the group who was really quite shy and was on the course more for self development rather than anything else. Having done this course a number of times I was just generally chatting to a couple of people in the group who were a bit peer shy and were a bit worried about demo- ing the technique back to the rest of the class incase they fluffed it - I was trying to coax them through it when superconfident tv presenter comes out with the statement that he doesnt need any advice, he can do it with his eyes shut. - the chat wasnt even for his benefit , I knew he didnt need any help in that dept.

The thing is the way it came across I took an instant dislike to this cocky b*****d and couldnt wait for him to fall on his ass. A few years down the line my opinion of him has modified somewhat - I wouldnt say we are best friends, we do speak regularly, I dont go out of my way to avoid him anymore - have even seen a few of his difficult clients for him, but that initial impression of 'cocky b*****d' was there an awful long time because I lacked respect for him because of what I saw as his incredible arrogance and he lacked respect for me because of what he saw as me grossly understating and simplifying his new chosen career and talking down to him. Sometimes how we come across can be seriously misunderstood. Dont make my mistake - if this is what has happened in your case, its always better to rub along with others rather than grate on them, and when it does happen its the bigger person who attempts to put it right.

Sorry bit wordy and not intended as a lecture - just a personal example of how it can all go wrong.

Re: bullying?

hissycat — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 17:22:08 GMT

yeah I can click to see the rest, not sure how that happened! I can definitely see where you are coming from and that was my initial reaction too, though i thought that if the mentor had any sort of concern he should have spoken to me first instead of the course leader. I'm sure the comment by the mentor initially and course leader was well meaning, which was why I explained that I didn't struggle with practical exams and there was actually no need to worry. The thing is no matter what this what taken to mean by my mentor he still should not have made a sarcastic remark in front of the other students. This is not opening a conversation as far as I am concerned. As to where they got the idea I would have problems I can only think of the problem I had dealing with being at the same place my dad had died, where I was a bit introverted however was very good with the patients (mentors words). I got 1sts in my exams last year. Other mentors have always given me good feedback, and at my last placement said they thought I would be absolutely fine with the prac. Other people on the course also feel that feedback is generally sarcastic and negative. I agree about chinese whispers though and maybe things have been taken the wrong way by a number of people, myself included but I won't just ignore how I was made to feel last week. Thanks for the reply though, it is always good to get a different point of view

Re: bullying?

Sal the 1st — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 16:55:32 GMT

not sure what has happened in that post? dont know why there is a click on bit? - but you will need to click it to see remainder of post

Now I am confused!!!

Re: bullying?

Sal the 1st — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 16:49:02 GMT

first things first - what has given the hospital mentor the impression that you would struggle with the practicals?

there must have been something that they have observed to lead them to make that comment? Maybe this would be a good place to start?

Maybe this was a well meaning comment and was mentioned to you by an equally well meaning tutor as a way of 'opening' a conversation and a way of letting you know that they were there for you if you needed help -ie a point at which it would be easier for you to discuss with them any difficulties you were having with the course, some people struggle and find it difficult to approach tutors. Maybe your reaction wasnt what they were expecting and maybe when it was mentioned back to the hospital mentor they got a mixed message? We all know how Chinese whispers can result in something quite different when the end message is given when everybody has added their take to the original message.

Speak to your course tutor/hospital mentor r if this is reallt to difficult for you try writing it down. This may all be an innocent misunderstanding. Your leaving the room very upset may have left them feeling more confused than ever.

Re: bullying?

hissycat — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 16:42:49 GMT

Thanks for the replies, sometimes I think I can be a bit oversensitive but I will def speak to the course leader about this as feel it was designed to upset me, which unfortunately it did I would never speak to someone like that and can't imagine my other lecturers doing so either which also makes me think I have a point. Gonna stick up for myself this time

Re: bullying?

kaz84 — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 01:34:11 GMT

What mentor does that during a lecture??? one that is extremely unprofessional! You should discuss your concerns with student services? usually there would be someone external from your course that offers assistance. kind of like a 3rd person

Re: bullying?

BengalcatRVN — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:30:34 GMT

SAFEGUARDING! Bullying should not be tolerated anywhere. I'd speak to your course tutor again. If it upset you it shouldn't be allowed. The person might not realise that it is hurtful, but by something being mentioned, they should realise and it not happen again.

Don't pack it all in until you have followed the safeguarding route, if it doesn't get resolved put in a complaint.