Help me to be more thick skinned!

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Honeybadger — Sat, 28 May 2011 23:16:51 GMT

I have been reading a bit about being more assertive and came across a book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz's Code For Life (I particularly like the bit about not taking anything personally.)

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Anonymous — Fri, 13 May 2011 10:34:02 GMT

Best advice I ever got was "don't take it personally" to be honest most people are so caught up in their own lives they wont even have considered what you might be feeling so try not to think about it so much - unless it's really important in which case tell them :)

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Mac Feather — Sun, 08 May 2011 20:45:14 GMT

[quote user="Bouncyfi"]

I like this saying

"Say what you want, cos those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

[/quote]

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Fiona Leathers — Sun, 08 May 2011 20:33:37 GMT

I like this saying

"Say what you want, cos those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Katie B — Mon, 02 May 2011 00:28:33 GMT

Don't give up because then you are playing up to them, can't you just ask what her problem is? I think everyone has different insecurities. In regards to love, stop looking and then it will come. I felt like that for a while but found my boy when I stopped looking!

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

gesic — Sun, 01 May 2011 18:04:40 GMT

Just reading this has actually made me realise i am not completely on my own.....others go through this too! Sorry if this sounds like i am pleased its just that you will all probs know that feeling of utter paranoia you get at work! It means i am not going mad its just me being overly sensitive.

I do my level best to be a reliable trustworthy and easy going person but it really hurts when you here other staff members hate working with you :(

I would like to be able to rise above it but all i feel like doing is giving up.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Emma Daw — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 23:26:21 GMT

Hi ya,

Yep, Smegslayer thats exactly how I am too. Just had my heart torn out and stamped on soooo many times that I'm building up walls. When really, on the inside,what I need is a really nice guy to break down those walls and help me love again ! Am finding it so tough to trust someone and just think the worse will happen whenever anyone tries to get close !

Mrs Mac, can't imagine what you are going through but hope you are ok. Look after yourself hun and feel free to vent if you need to !

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Mac Feather — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 18:22:03 GMT

[quote user="SmegSlayer"]many walls around myself to protect myself[/quote]

Thats sort of where I am as Ive recently been dropped from a height, my marriage over 8yrs is over (not my choice) and Ive been doing alot of crying too.

I think you cant put a time or age on when love will find you, I was 28 when I met my soon to be ex husband and here we are 10yrs later and its all over.

Sorry, Im feeling v wonky as tomorrow is when I move out of the marital home.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

SmegSlayer — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:18:09 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]

My ex has just told me Ive always been far too emotional, but do you know what? Id rather be like that than be a cold unfeeling individual.

[/quote]

Here's the flip side: I can let most things role off me, especially from clients only out to have a moan. It can make day to day life easier...

BUT

I'm 28 in 2 weeks and can honestly say I have never been in love. I have had 2 boyfriends and didn't have any real feelings for either of them. I ended up breaking it off with the last one after 6 months- he was distraught. I am desparate to feel 'that' feeling and wonder lots of times if I am capable of it. I've built so many walls around myself to protect myself, not getting too emotional is now normal for me. I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I long for a relationship that makes me feel something so much, which makes me feel lonely, which then encourages more walls to build up so I can put a brave face on everything.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Mac Feather — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 16:35:16 GMT

My ex has just told me Ive always been far too emotional, but do you know what? Id rather be like that than be a cold unfeeling individual.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Caro Laithwaite VN — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 21:06:42 GMT

Add me to the list.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

BengalcatRVN — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:46:38 GMT

Wish I could help, but am also looking for ways to "man up!" Clients can make me cry so easy, or wind me up something rotten. Been blaimed for missed rabies vaccinations (sent letter before due, they missed it, they said I should have phoned them!!) Missed appointments, cats dying and I apparently don't care. Collegues have blamed me for stuff, friends have accused me of not pulling my weight on things, even though I asked for help.

Can't help but take it personally, I push myself to be the best. If you find the "cure" let me know

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

suzie17 — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:39:14 GMT

i'm the same. there is no really answer to help you get think skined other then trying not to take it personaly. which i know is hard.

it winds me up in work when people compain very loudly at me when i know its not my fault. i just sit there and listen till they have finished and try and help from there.

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

sarah barker — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 11:08:48 GMT

I'm exactly the same! I don't understand how some people can be mean when that person hasn't done anything to them though. I'd like to think that It's definitely not us in the wrong! :3

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

emmRAR — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 08:13:39 GMT

I'm exactly the same! I take everything personally - if a colleague is having an off day, if a client decides to complain to me, it all bothers me! I think I need to man up No idea how though!

Re: Help me to be more thick skinned!

Mac Feather — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:06:00 GMT

I can empathise, I dont feel I have any great answers for you unfortunately. Its still all work in progress for me too.

On the positive side it shows you consider other peoples feelings. I bet you arent pee-ing people off, its just maybe the way we see things, sometimes we dont get the full story e.g I saw a pal on the opposite side of a busy road, I waved and got no response so I felt hurt like she'd blanked me. I found out later she hadnt seen me and was listening to her i-pod ( un beknown to me) and was in a world of her own. So it wasnt that she blanked me.

Im going through a rough spell,have been dropped from a great height and I feel extra sensitive and rather reliant on others so I can empathise - I also wish I didnt give a hoot what other people think, I try and remind myself that it shouldnt matter what some people say,especially if they are people that dont really know you.

Also if 'friends' have anything bad to say/think about you then they arent good enough to be your friend.

Message me anytime if you fancy a chat.