Bullying?

Re: Bullying?

Steph Phillips — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 16:32:36 GMT

Wow Jen! thats brilliant!! well done you.. your like a lil inspiration for anyone who gets bullied in the workplace that it's right to seek help

Hope your speach with her goes swimmingly for you hun. xxx

Re: Bullying?

Heather Barlow — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:16:59 GMT

So pleased that you have been able to get some help. If talking directly to her, does not make her see sense, than please go back to your HN. Well done, please keep us all posted

Heather xxxx

Re: Bullying?

caz vernon — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 19:17:23 GMT

This girl sounds alot like someone i used to work with.. if its the same person i can defiently help u.. are u in london? x

Re: Bullying?

Katie B — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 18:56:11 GMT

Welldone hun, proud of you x

Re: Bullying?

Mac Feather — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 17:38:41 GMT

[quote user="Princess Ophelia Hermione MacBeth"]

Well done you. I am glad your HVN was so supportive. Goodluck! x

[/quote]

Ditto on that. All sounds v postive!

Re: Bullying?

Louise B — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 12:35:55 GMT

Well done you. I am glad your HVN was so supportive. Goodluck! x

Re: Bullying?

Jeniflower — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 12:28:43 GMT

Hey guys

Just a quick update for those of you who have provided so much support and advice on this topic. Had a really good chat with my head VN who was massively supportive. She agreed the behavouir was unacceptable and offered me two options.

1. for me to approach the nurse in question and explain exactly how her actions have made me feel and take her response from there.

2. For her the head vn and deputy to talk to her directly.

She strongly advised the first option at this intitial stage as it would help to eradicate any awkwardness with working together moving forward but only if I was comfortable and felt confident in doing so, otherwise, she was happy to speak to her. I agree this is what I will do and I want to be able to give the nurse the benefit of the doubt and I suppose one chance to be able to explain herself before others have to get involved.

I'm pleased I have reported it now though so the support from above is already in place if attitudes don't change following my discussion with her. This way, I can hopefully also prove I'm professional enough to attempt to resolve issues like this. If it doesn't work, at least I have done all in my power.

I was petrified going in to discuss this and so worried about the impact it would have on my role but the head VN also told me she'd had vets going to her full of compliments for me and she wanted to let me know, for my own confidence and I was not to worry about putting my position in jepody at all.

I just want to say, that although this may seem like such small incidents at work (although none of you have believed them to be) I think its good to highlight the type of situtaions which may develop into bullying cases. Some of you have replied with much much worse cases, and to you, I can only say I admire your strength in coping for so long and thank you for your support with my, much milder situation.

As people with one common goal I feel we should support one another in reaching this. Acceptably there are going to be personality clashes amongst us but everyone has the capabilty to behave professionally. Behaviour that belittles or crushes another's confidence is never going to be acceptable in my eyes and I also believe shouldn't be tolerated. I'm quite a confident outgoing person, so dealing with this (although nerve racking) is a challenge I feel I can face. I know for others, this may not be the case and it may have got to the stage where you've no strength to approach anyone. I hope the popularity of my post will allow you to realise the support that is out there.

Thank you all so so much again. Now to prepare what I'm going to say...

Re: Bullying?

Katie B — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 13:19:21 GMT

[quote user="Vicki Cannings"]Good luckand keep your chin up, I thoroughly believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. [/quote]

Definately agree with that. My last job was awful because of my manager, he was making sexist remarks and calling me every name under the sun. I went to Citizens advice and they said I had a case. In the end I left as it was getting to me to much, however, I wrote everything down in my resignation letter and sent a copy to head of HR. I did the cowardly way out and wish I had stuck up for myself so just make sure you stand up for yourself hun. You will be better off in the long run!

Re: Bullying?

Vicki Cannings — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:56:34 GMT

Hi Jeni, I went through the same thing and I spent months and months thinking I was being over-sensitive and trying to ignore it. I ended up being there for a year and a half and saying nothing.

I was too worried to go to practice manager as i knew the repurcussions may not be great. No matter what people say it is really hard to go above that person as they will hear about it and sometimes it can make the situation worse, sometime syes it may improve but I can understand if you have reservations about going to someone internally.

When I realised I had had enough I actually went to citizens advice, they helped alot and even offered to help find a counsellor to talk to to help me through it as I got to the point of near breakdown. They listened and took everything on board and told me where I stood.

I worked for a franchise so I then went with CA support to the HR dept (like you suggested) and they had to do somethin as they wouldn't risk the siuation getting worse.

One of the main things I can stress is keep a diary of everything you feel significant, no matter how small as it makes it very clear when you need to prove things, and also write how it makes you feel as that is really important.

I had a lot of support once I went to citizens advice and they directed me to some great peopel to help me, but if you son't feel comfortable doing that I would definately recommend the HR dept as that is what they are there for and are experts in and they shoudl be understanding of your needs.

I really hope it improves as bullying is such a horrible thing to go through and it is not deserved. You should look forward to going to work every day as we do such a wonderful job. Good luckand keep your chin up, I thoroughly believe in Karma, what goes around comes around.

Take Care

Vicki x

Re: Bullying?

Juliet Drummond DAVN (med) RVN D32/33 — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 22:51:03 GMT

my word, what a horrible bully this girl is!

i aggree with the above statements, get someone senior involved and keep a diary.

do not ever accept anyone putting their hands on you, totally unacceptable, if she does that again, tell her she has no right and never to touch you again.

remember most bullies are cowards, and are usually threatened by those they bully. stand up for you self.

she maybe more senior to you but she has no right to bully & try to imtimidate you, and you must not accept this behaviour.

good luck with your meeting with your head nurse, i hope she is helpfu, as a head nurse myself, sometimes we are the last to know these things, but we have an obligation to help you work without this behaviour.

good luck

Re: Bullying?

Katie B — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 21:02:35 GMT

Welldone, definately write it down otherwise you will forget. Good on you hun x

Re: Bullying?

Steph Phillips — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 20:35:18 GMT

[quote user="Kim Blowing RVN"]

[quote user="Jeniflower"]

email to head nurse sent to request a meeting........ eeeeeeeeek!! So so nervous

[/quote]

You'll be fine! You haven't done anything wrong and just be truthful with them. Let me know how it goes! x

[/quote]

Well done Jen!!! (that deserves 5 stars !!) Kim is right, you'll be fine.. if you can write down on paper everything thats happened (if poss dates/times etc) so you remember everything on the day.. last thing you want is to get in hte meeting and your mind go blank, which might happen, but having it all written down will help

Good luck hun xx

Re: Bullying?

Kim Buckley — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 18:00:14 GMT

[quote user="Jeniflower"]

email to head nurse sent to request a meeting........ eeeeeeeeek!! So so nervous

[/quote]

You'll be fine! You haven't done anything wrong and just be truthful with them. Let me know how it goes! x

Re: Bullying?

Jeniflower — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 03:10:22 GMT

email to head nurse sent to request a meeting........ eeeeeeeeek!! So so nervous

Re: Bullying?

Katie B — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 15:06:24 GMT

She is verbally abusing you as well as physically. Sounds to me like she is threatened or jealous of you. I think it is vital that you speak to someone and say that this treatment is not ok!

Also just remember that putting up with this behaviour is saying it is ok what she is doing and it is also not healthy to put up with it, it can cause stress, depression and knock your confidence. Don't let her win, you have to think about yourself and your well being. Let us know how you get on

Re: Bullying?

Heather Barlow — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 11:36:55 GMT

Dear Jeni,

So glad we were all able to put a true prespective on things for you. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I believe we should treat people as we would wish to be treated-always. Be brave and do not be frightened, you are in the right. The very fact she "tapped" you over the head is an assalt and therefore illegal. And she neesd to be instructed to be a Nurse which by very definition should evoke caring and compassion as well as understanding (for all species) and not be a total bitch.

Please let us know how you fare,

Heather xxxx

Re: Bullying?

Jeniflower — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 09:59:51 GMT

Thank you again for such great, supportive comments. I will email the head nurse to see if I can go in for a chat ( I work nights so we seldom cross paths!) .

I'm frightened about making a mountain out of a molehill and being the 'awkward nurse'. It had been great to have your comments though and has given me the confidence to speak to someone.

I also believe that soemone in a supervisor-type role should remain open-minded and supportive of any further qualifications - like yourself Heather. Her attitude as she puts it is:

" well I know everything and can do everything I need to do, what more can I learn?"

I'd love to be able to respond to these sorts of comments the way I want to, but obviously appreciate she is above me and don't want to be talking back to her too much. ( I already do this when trying to defend myself all the time)

I will keep you all posted. Thank you all again. xx

Re: Bullying?

Deemus — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 07:37:18 GMT

I don't really have anything useful to add but just wanted to echo what others have said.

Her behaviour is well out of line and needs to be curtailed, regardless of the reasons for it. Perhaps she is feeling inadequate because of your qualification. However, being the senior nurse out of the two of you, she should show more professionalism. Aren't we all in it for the same good?

Please get help from your HR department before this situation encroaches on the other aspects of your life.

Re: Bullying?

BengalcatRVN — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 21:55:13 GMT

1 word.....SAFEGUARDING!!!

There should be something in place to protect you from this behaviour, def speak to someone.

My practice is full of posters for all my student nurses, including useful phone numbers.

Re: Bullying?

Heather Barlow — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:29:04 GMT

When I qualified there was no such thing as a degree course for VN's and I for one celebrate the progess which has been made in this respect. At 50 I feel I am a little too old to do the degree. but still very much enjoy my CPD completeing around 150 hrs per year.

By the way do you like myself work for the largest Veterinary charity in the country if you do, you WILL most definately be supported, I promise you. If the answer is yes, feel free to contact me for a chat. My details are of course in the register under RVN's If she has not the foresight to (with your permission) utilise your talents she is very short sighted and rather stupid!

Heather xxxx

Re: Bullying?

Heather Barlow — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:17:16 GMT

Such behaviour is utterly appauling and immature. It seems to me that she IS feeling threatened by you, which is rediculous. I have been qualified for almost 31 years and am the first to admit that I enjoy learning new things, so I am open minded enough to appreciate degree Nurses have more academic knowledge that I do. If they can utilise this knowledge to increase my abilities than I am very greatful.

In return I would pass on my little tips and skills learnt over the years to them. Thus I hope with everyone involved in the care of our animal patients, the patients receive the best possible care. Perhaps she is a little frightened that once your partical skills are top knotch, she will fall behind you.

What she is doing is illegal and she must be made aware of this. Bullying in any work place is not permitted. Please tell those in management at your practise. You do not have to put up with this, and you must not, refer her to me, I will gladly put her straight for you, she needs to grow up and develop an open mind!

Re: Bullying?

Jeniflower — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:05:20 GMT

That's ok! I didn't read it like that!

Re: Bullying?

Mac Feather — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:01:40 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]Sounds to me like your colleague is also feeling inadequate and lashing out at you through a lack of understanding of what your training entailled.[/quote]

Not that Im in any way saying your colleague's behaviour is acceptable.

Hope you are ok, let us know how things go for you.

Re: Bullying?

Jeniflower — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 16:56:12 GMT

Thank you all so so much for the replies so far. I'm really trying to put my own occasional oversensitive attributes to one side for this one and take a step back so thank you for the reassurance that it isn't acceptable. I get it from my partner and family but obviously they are biased so having your professional opinions are seriously helping.

I work for a very large organisation so there's a dedicated HR department and people I can speak to specifically about this sort of behaviour. I'm very nervous about doing this but also concerned about this behaviour escalating and it impacting upon my whole life, not just work.

Again, thank you for your support so far, I will keep you posted.

Jen x

Re: Bullying?

Louise Dick — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 16:42:26 GMT

Sounds like totally unacceptable behaviour to me, especially lifting her hands to you and actually hitting you on the back of the head? As well as verbal insults? Sounds like this person has a huge chip on their shoulder. Is she like this with other members of staff too or is it just you?

I would definately either speak to her about it or go above her to the practice manager / head nurse / partner. You should not have to work under conditions like that and if you let her treat you like that she will just think she can do it as much as she likes. Don't let her belittle you or your qualification.

Louise