any ideas on coping?

Re: any ideas on coping?

Tracy Windler RVN — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 23:34:47 GMT

V, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. I saw your fb updates, but didn't really get the gist of what had happened

What you are going through is absolutely normal and to be expected, but you know in your hearts of hearts that nothing more could have been done, and if it could,you and the guys at work would have done it. I would trust you with my cat and I know you give 110% to being a nurse.

Nothing we say will make it easier, but just try and remember what a brilliant life you gave him and know that he was at home, not in a strange place, surrounded by funny smells and other animals, but relaxed and comfortable when he passed away. xxxx

Re: any ideas on coping?

Mrs Dot Dot — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 22:14:12 GMT

Violet... I'm so sorry about your cat... I was reading your post and I know exactly how you feel about him not being there... it is so, so hard... there is nothing you can do except accept that it is ok to be totally cut up about losing him, it's ok to cry whenever you do, talknig about it helps a little if you can... I couldn't for weeks after and kept coming home at lunchtime, losing it for an hour then going back to work to carry on till I came home again to cry. This, for me, went on for weeks..... I felt like I'd lost a person......Just because he is 'just a cat' doesn't mean anything.... my cat was exactly like a little dog... probably sounds better to dog owners... but when they are there whereever you are in the house, sleep with you and lie upside down on top of you when you are crashed out on the settee, it takes ages (and it's ok for it to take ages ) for you not to miss him.

All I can say is pls don't feel guilty about him.... thromus is never good and very rarely treated sucessfully... he was your little cat..... he loved you and vice versa. Stick pictures up all over the house... not for everyone but it helped me, and many of them are still there 5 yrs on.... but let yourself grieve...for however long it takes and whenever the need takes.

Re: any ideas on coping?

Denise — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 21:03:03 GMT

So sorry to hear about your obviously very special cat.

Remember that the first process in grieving is guilt. There is always that 'if only' thought when a pet dies or has to be put to sleep.

As a VN you know that almost everyone goes through this process and you have explained, I am sure, to lots of owners that it certainly was not anyone's fault. So let me do what you normally do and reassure you that what you are feeling is normal.

Your cat had probably had the QUICKEST and BEST treatment because you were so observant then he had loads of love at home with you.

In the next few weeks tell all your friends and family everyone who knew him, this really helps, then hopefully as time goes on your memories will be of all the naughty, funny and good times he had with you and your fiance.

He was a very lucky cat to have chosen you as his owner.

Re: any ideas on coping?

Vicky RVN — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 15:07:31 GMT

Big hugs to you

Please don't feel guilty, you did everything you could for your little kitty. Like has already been said, i have sadly never seen a thrombus cat survive for long, so please please don't beat yourself up about it.

RIP little one x

Re: any ideas on coping?

Steph Worsley — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 13:13:51 GMT

Ditto all the above,

I lost my youngest cat on xmas eve with a thrombus, she was 5 1/2 and had been diagnosed with HCM a while previously and seeing her echo 18 months prior to her going I was expecting it to happen at some point (depsite being on so many meds she rattled!- fragmin and aspirin being 2 of them to try and reduce the risk)

It happened so quickly I had taken to my parents with me over xmas due to the number of meds she was on, i went up to my room at one point and she was fine obviously been asleep curled up under my duvet and sat up when I went in, an hour later I went back up and she was no where to be seen, she was down beside my bed completely off her back legs, it broke my heart as she was so quiet until i called her to see where she was then she started screaming in pain, I called my dad and we got int he car while my mum rang their vets to warn them she was being brought down. I had personally made the decision even prior to this happening that if it should happen then I was going to opt for euth, but that was with me talking in depth to my colleagues in cardio and since she was on everything anyway there wouldnt be much else to do for her.

by the time we got into the surgery she had obviously had a thrombus affecting her brain as she ended up unconcious after a minor fit. I was very exact in my wording to the vet as I didnt want them to think I wanted them to try anything with her.

I still think about her all the time, her collar is still under my pillow and i have photos of her all over the place, no one can ever replace her even though I have got 2 new little horror bags, i'm not sure how I will be on xmas eve this year but I am glad I will have the support of my family around me

Re: any ideas on coping?

Gillian Mostyn — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 11:45:45 GMT

You REALLY need to sit down and have a quiet chat with the vet involved and thrash out all your worries. I can assure you that nothing different could or should have been done - but you do need to get this sorted in your head to make sure you believe that yourself. Please don't be left with any guilt - grief is bad enough without it.

They leave a big gap after they've gone don't they? You won't fill that gap - you'll just learn to live with it.

Re: any ideas on coping?

Maisy — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 09:31:44 GMT

So sorry to hear about your cat Losing a pet is never easy, particularly when the illness/accident has been quick but you did everything possible. FATE rarely has a happy longterm outcome in cases I've seen, and being a VN you obviously recognised the signs, sought treatment and brought him home to nurse.

I think we can always look back and feel there is something else that we could have done, this is natural but please don't beat yourself up about it. I know people always say this but time really does help to make things that bit easier and if you need to talk about it you know where we are.