Need some advice guys

Re: Need some advice guys

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 13:00:03 GMT

Eeek SAL! l can see me going nuts on the site l love the quotes and sayings. CB going to be overloaded sorry Brian but l got to have them

Re: Need some advice guys

Sally Seddon — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 12:27:42 GMT

Thanks for all your replies. I've had a really good think and your right its about give and take. And I think a friendship needs trust and respect. We have always had the kind of friendship where we don't see each other for a while but when we do its like we have never been apart. I feel sad that I'm gonna loose that but I just don't think I deserve to be treated this way yet again. I'm a good, loyal friend who would never do to her what she has to me. Why should I put up with it?? I'm gonna tell her how I feel, she can do what she likes with it. She is a bit of a coward so I know she won't say how she really feels. I just wish she would be honest, if we have grown apart then fair enough, I can accept that. I'm sure there was more I wanted to say but I'm on my phone and its difficult to see all the other replies.

Re: Need some advice guys

Sal the 1st — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 12:12:36 GMT

its Fritz Perls - just checked

http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/gestaltprayer.htm

Re: Need some advice guys

Sal the 1st — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 12:10:57 GMT

its not my poem to give unfortunately it was given to me by a very dear therapy mentor and I dont know where he found it ( but could be something of his own?) but if anybody can use it feel free

Re: Need some advice guys

Caro Laithwaite VN — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 12:08:33 GMT

RIght l am taking that poem thanks Sal

A friend is someone who is there when you need them or they need you good and bad times. You do not have to speak every day you may only speak every whenever but you take up where you left off and you are willing to give as is given to you.

As to the facebook thing.. just dump the person and move on.

Re: Need some advice guys

Kim Buckley — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 12:05:57 GMT

That is a brilliant saying! If you look back at your life, you do spend a hell of a lot of it trying to please other people. I've learnt now not to bother. Like me or lump it!

Re: Need some advice guys

Mac Feather — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:59:53 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]

I am not in this world to live up to you expectations

You are not in this world to live up to mine

You are you and I am I

[/quote]

I like this Sal, need to write this down somewhere myself- reckon I spend waaaaaaaaay too much time comparing myself to other people and viewing myself as 'not good enough'.

Re: Need some advice guys

Sal the 1st — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:54:04 GMT

meant to put this on my last post - but had to go and search for the exact wording, I used to have it hanging on the wall in the room I use for therapy. I believe I may have posted it on here before

The Gestalt Prayer

I do my thing, and you do your thing

I am not in this world to live up to you expectations

You are not in this world to live up to mine

You are you and I am I

And if by chance we find each other, it is beautiful

And if not, it can't be helped

sounds a bit hard maybe? But I suppose I am a no nonsense sort of therapist - I dont pussy foot around. My clients mostly appreciate the direct approach and I respect my clients.

Re: Need some advice guys

Mac Feather — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:51:52 GMT

[quote user="icklesal"]dreaded bloomin facebook!!!) [/quote]

As much as like facebook it has a bit to answer for.

Havent got alot to say/add as I think Sal has put it better than I could.

There was a particular person I was really close to and we had alot of good times, did all the usual friend stuff and then she got a new job and unfortunately since then it drifted. I would regularly phone/text but she was usually too busy to talk or weeks later she'd text back and it would be a one word or one sentence brief text. I daresay I could have made more effort to visit her but as the time passed it felt more awkward. I felt (and still do feel) sad about it.

Re: Need some advice guys

Kim Buckley — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:30:22 GMT

I have had this happen to me quite a few times recently and I have just cut my ties from them. People like that aren't worth the effort. I think a lot of it comes down to being friends since you were little and when you grow up you don't actually have that much in common anymore and so you grow apart. It is sad but this is obviously upsetting you and any decent friend would not want to make you feel that way.

Maybe try talking to her one more time about it and if nothing changes then don't bother trying anymore. You can't say you haven't tried! x

Re: Need some advice guys

Vicky RVN — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:25:46 GMT

Sal, i think you've hit the nail on the head there.

Re: Need some advice guys

Sal the 1st — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 10:49:11 GMT

friendship is all about give and take and when somebody is taking more than they are prepared to give then it isnt a friendship. You could try explaining this to her and maybe say that if you arent the friend she wants to share some of the good times with then maybe you arent the friend she should be sharing her woes with either.

I have a number of contacts like this - and have cut free from a lot of them, I dislike intensly being used this way and I am afraid I am ruthless in severing the ties when it happens

A friendship is just like any other relationship you have to work on it - if one person doesnt want to put the effort in then is it really worth it

Re: Need some advice guys

lorraine wiggins — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 10:15:33 GMT

i no how u feel i found out that few of my mates had gone out on fri and because of my exams i never even got an invite. i found it very hurtful and the fact that they tried to hide it. i wouldnt have been bothered if they had told me the truth!

they also make stupid remarks like surely u dont have that my revision to do but im working really hard and i want to pass my NVQ2 exams surely if they were my real friends they would understand this and that ive wanted this for a long time.

i feel for you as feel like sayin enough is enough all the time but then i think of the good times we have had. its a tough situation to be in and the only person that can tell you wot to do is u. i would either let it calm down and maybe chat to your friend or just have it out with her. facebook is the rout of all evil i tell ya and you cant hide nothing on it and you always get caught out.

it just seems that she doesnt seem to be a very good friend to me and now thinking abt it neither to my friends im the only one who had worked hard and really want this all my friends that ive had since school were born with a silver spoon in their mouths and work for dadies company so they just dont seem to understand nothing.

good luck hope it works out ok x