No friends...

Re: No friends...

Stella Skelton RVN — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 14:17:41 GMT

Katie: For many reasons friends come and go...the REAL important people are either family or what i consider to be a part of you...more than just friends...(this is probably a bit spacey for some people-sorry)...but i know how you feel about not having friends...when i moved from London to Wales with my other half i had no friends except his!! Since finding my niche in the working field that's where i found one of my 4 bestest friends on the whole planet!!! This is Steph!!

My others are an amazing friend from uni-Maria, one from my hometown/school - Amanda and my partner. Even though i don't see Maria or Amanda very often... i can call them anytime, chat about anything at all and it's still feels so easy, open and natural & vice versa...they're all amazing!

Take the good from this and that is: at least you have about 30 people in your life that really care about you...some people don't have one.

I hope you feel better about this.

This is the reason why i'm getting married abroad....no family complications and no worrying about others...it's your and your partners special occasion and only those closest to you deserve to share it...xxx

STEPH:

[quote user="*Steph *"]

I'm 28 in a few weeks.. and I can honestly say I've got about 3 "amazing" friends, and one of those is my husband!! haha.. other two is a life long best friend who I still see, and Stella.. (member on here).

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

by Walter Winchell - I love that saying!!

[/quote]

You sweetheart! Ditto! Love that saying also...never heard that before! xxx

Re: No friends...

The Pikachu_Collector — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 14:15:16 GMT

I totally understand how you feel - i got married a year ago and of all my then work mates, 3 turned up! I had dreadful excuses. Turns out, that leaving that place was the best thing I ever did - I became a locum and met some amazing people, some of which i'm still in touch with. Sadly, for one reason or another, some people will never like you or want to be your friend, but, in my experience, there are genuine people out there who are waiting for you to find them!!!

Re: No friends...

Tracey Louise — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 10:04:46 GMT

I really do feel for you katie.

I find it extremely hard to make friends, as I am a shy and quiet person. I have my mum, my husband and 2 best friends and thats it! I think i have about 60 friends (aquantancies) on facebook, when others have hundreds!

But I dont mind too much sometimes as I am such a private person and am generally happier stayin at home with my husband watching the t.v than going out and socialising.

Sounds boring, but that was my life and although i felt lonely sometimes, i always had my cats to keep me company

I am 31 now and have a 1 year old daughter, she is now my world and nothing else matters, i spend all my spare time with her and my husband.

Try not to look too hard for friends, they will come along when you least expect it, they will find you.

Re: No friends...

Kim Buckley — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 20:57:54 GMT

I was friends with a girl from nursery and we used to be incredibly close but then she met her other half and pretty much cut me out of her life and when I did see her she would go on about how I would find myself a bf soon. Used to make me feel like she thought she was better than me.

She invited me to her wedding this year but I had already arranged with my bf that we were going away for his b-day and the two dates clashed. Seeing as she had never met any effort to meet my bf despite me saying we should arrange a get together, I didn't see why we should cancel our plans so sent her a card explaining we already had plans and so wouldn't be able to make it. I then received shitty texts and her and her entire family deleted me off facebook!

Re: No friends...

Katie Murphy RVN — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 20:47:53 GMT

We did have a good night - the people who were important showed up and the ones who had a really good reason and had already said they couldn't come - ie they just gave birth or they live abroad - I had no problem with that.

Sad that in this day and age with all the available technology people can't make the effort to keep in touch with eachother!

Re: No friends...

dinny_06 — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 21:46:03 GMT

Katie the same thing happened to me. I got engaged recently and we decided to go out for a few drinks and we invited alot of my family nd few friends. Now i onyl have few friends possibly 3 but we very rarly see each other but know that i can lift the phone at any stage and they will be there. But anyways i asked alot of my cousins whom i thought that were close and 2 of them showed up out of 50.

The most important thing is did you have a good nites craic??? Never mind the people that didnt show it was their loss. but i do see where u are going from it just the disappointment of it all after they said they be there rite??

Re: No friends...

Sandra Taylor RVN, MBVNA — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 17:19:20 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]In reality the number of real friends( people who I can understand and people who can understand me) I would count on the fingers of one hand - but I have lots of friendly aquaintances[/quote]

I am the same, I have a few close friends,but lots of aquaintances.

Re: No friends...

Mac Feather — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 14:25:15 GMT

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]the lower the number could mean that person has just been more careful or thoughtful about who they add.[/quote] Very true- I have decided not to accept some invites of friendship on facebook- e.g ex school mates that were anything other than that.

[quote user="Sal (the 1st) Holesworth VN CMH Chyp (M)PNLP"]how do you know they are having such a great time ? - sometimes the people that are posting stuff about how great their life is are making those posts to convince themselves of that. [/quote]

As ever Sal you are the voice of reason

Re: No friends...

bongo — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 14:00:06 GMT

I only add friends on facebook who i know i am going to actually speak to and see. What is the point in adding someone who you havent seen since high school and even then u weren't even friends! some people think that having hundreds of friends make them look good but I have all te friends i need on facebook and that is about 20 of them!

Re: No friends...

Caro Laithwaite VN — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:59:20 GMT

Facebook l inherited from Brian and he never posted just added people he knew and used it to keep in touch with things going on.

I only add if we have lot friends in common and all skydivers. I have 2 friends on who are not skydivers and have repetedly said to people sorry but it is a closed shop nothing personal just l want to keep it as Brians page. I have bounced requests.

I do have a page l am going on now because of the jump organising but havent been on it in ages. I bounced all off that bar some Rhodies and added a few skydivers when Brian passed otherwise that is my general but l aint ever there page.

Re: No friends...

Sal the 1st — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:48:00 GMT

[quote user="mrs mac"]

Well I have to say I often wonder if the days of facebook dont kind of add to feelings of not having friends- what I mean is that I do stupid things and look at the number of friends on other peoples lists and do that destructive thing of comparing myself thinking 'oh I dont have as many friends as them'. And Im also guilty of seeing that everyone is posting stuff about having a great time or they are busy do x, y and z and I cant help thinking Im a boring git!

[/quote]

We had this conversation only the other day within our group of therapists.

how do you know they are having such a great time ? - sometimes the people that are posting stuff about how great their life is are making those posts to convince themselves of that.

Re number of friends on facebook - the lower the number could mean that person has just been more careful or thoughtful about who they add. I have few people added on facebook and in fact have ignored a few requests - it doesnt mean I cannot be friendly to people not on my friends list ( so please dont take offence if you didnt make it onto my friends list, its not personal - there are only a very few people from this forum on there and these are people I speak to regularly everybody else? well I figured I or they could use the PM on here). I suppose you could say I compartmentalise my 'friends' from various places

Have to admit I have had requests from people on facebook and I dont know who they are - I suspect some are from people on this site?

In reality the number of real friends( people who I can understand and people who can understand me) I would count on the fingers of one hand - but I have lots of friendly aquaintances

Hope some of that at least makes sense

Re: No friends...

Mac Feather — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:01:54 GMT

[quote user="Katie Murphy RVN"]repeated requests for numbers[/quote]

I recall this from sending out wedding invites- frustrating isnt the word. Yet I have to confess I am the worlds worst at replying to invites for things so I havent learnt from my wedding invite experience-I really ought to remember and consider the feelings of the person inviting me.

Also I must admit that there are people on my list that I havent heard from or contacted in ages so it makes me wonder why we are 'friends'. Is it the feeling you 'have to' or 'should do' as you went to school with them etc etc.

Sorry-Ive kinda rambled on as usual!

Re: No friends...

bongo — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:16:18 GMT

Your definately not alone my dear! I moved away from my family home when I was 18 and left behind all my friends who I am still in touch with but its not the same. Where I am now I do have a couple of people who I would consider as friends and one of them whom I grew very close to has left the country on a travelling expedition!

I made friends at uni but when we left we all moved off to different parts of the country, we get together sometimes but because everyone works its difficult. They are my true friends and it is frustrating that they dont live closer.

Where I am now I have acquaintances and due to moving practices recently I once gain left behind my friends and colleagues there. Where I am now its hard to fit in because people are already established as friends and its hard to worm your way in! They are always doing things as groups which I am not invited too!

At the end of the day my fiance is my bestest friend and as long as I have him then I dont need anybody else!

Re: No friends...

Katie Murphy RVN — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 11:12:38 GMT

Thank you everyone who has replied. It was a really strange time reading all your posts because I knew I should feel better but instead I just felt sad that so many people know first hand what its like. Also found out yesterday that my fiancé's close friends are planning a holiday away for about 10 of them and we're not invited... and its a few weeks before our wedding next year! I'm already forseeing the don't have any money to come to your wedding thing... and these are our best man and ushers....

Tom seems to think they probably didn't ask us because they knew we'd be doing last minute wedding stuff... but I can't help feeling that my un-friend-a-bility is now rubbing off on him when they used to be so close.

Re: No friends...

Diane Westwood — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 08:39:16 GMT

Its simple. The wedding is your day and you do not have to spend it worrying about other people. Do what you want to do. Enjoy the day and don't spend months fretting about it.

Do not feel that you have to invite loads of people. Have an intimate party with those closest to you and forget the rest. They are not worth it if they can't make the effort for you.

Re: No friends...

Mrs Dot Dot — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 02:43:59 GMT

Hey everyone! Just read thru this thread from start to finish and it's sad in parts... people can be cruel and thoughtless but what comes across is that everyone has at least someone (partner/ mum/ friend) who they know and is a 'best' friend... it also makes you realise that you have to go thru some not very pleasant things to come out the other side knowing yourself well and finding out about yourself, and that it is definately so much better to have a handful or less of close (maybe not seen that often) friends than loads of acquaintences... I am the same but took a while to realise that I will never have masses of friends, and that there are a lot of people like me... also that subconsciously I chose not to have masses of friends either (if that makes sense) because of the type of person I am. (Am I waffling??)

As long as you have somone, that's all that matters..... I am also lucky enough to enjoy (although can be very stressful at times!) and have a stimulating job, as do many others on here, and not everyone elso does, and this can have a big influence on your life and how you approach it. You can't chose your family or people you work with! But you can choose your friends.....

Re: No friends...

Caro Laithwaite VN — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:27:27 GMT

I have some true friends about and have met some others who knew Brian and are amazing.
Milko & Sian, Craig, David, and one other l think of as sister and brothers l never had till now.

You always know who the special ones are cause even if you haven't been in touch for ages you can chat like it was just yesterday you spoke.

Re: No friends...

Dippy — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:22:04 GMT

My mum is also one of my two best friends. Glad I'm not the only one!

Re: No friends...

Doolally — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:15:59 GMT

I'm the same. Plenty of acquaintances but not really any close friends. I've got 2 people who I know I could call anytime and they'd be there for me (plus OH of course), but other than that no-one close. We don't have friends round like other people seem to do often.

I can't imagine ever having a big wedding as other than family, there's very few people i'd invite. People seem to have close friends and family at the church then everyone else at the reception, i wouldn't have enough!!

But, you know what, I'm happy. I'm close to my mum so see her often and have a natter with her, if i feel like going out for a drink there are acquaintances I can call on, but TBH I was out so much when I was younger I'm over it now. Other than that I enjoy spending time with my bf or on my own with the animals

Re: No friends...

GremlinNurse — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:12:43 GMT

[quote user="Emma Kerry"]On a lighter note, maybe we are all just meant to move into little caves with our furry friends and become hermits!?![/quote]

LOL! Sounds like our plan for the future, only would be a house rather than a cave, at least a mile from other people with loads of room for animals :D

My other half is an Ad too :)

Why don't you run away to get married, I was really tempted to do this! In the end we really wanted our parents there, so we had about 15 peeps at the ceremony and then another 15 at the reception..it was lovely :)

Re: No friends...

Emma Purnell — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:05:07 GMT

I have exactly the same fears of my wedding in the future, it is actually, I am ashamed to say, one of the things putting me off organising it.

True friends, I have my other half, Ad. Thats it. My family is small, disjointed and very different from me and I think the only other people I could class as friends are at work and I could count on one hand those I speak to outside of work at all.

I wish I could help and give any words of advice, but I am afraid I can only give you big hugs and sympathise completely.

On a lighter note, maybe we are all just meant to move into little caves with our furry friends and become hermits!?!

Re: No friends...

GremlinNurse — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:01:16 GMT

I don't keep in touch with anyone from school or college as I realised I was only 'friends' with then out of obligation, we no longer had anything in common :(

I am, however, very lucky to have the best husband in the world who is also my best friend :) And I've 'adopted' his friends as my own, he is so lucky to have such fab friends and they've all been really accepting of me :)

Great friends are very hard to come by and are there for good times and bad, and as other people have said it's better to have 2 or 3 great people you can rely on rather than 20 people you can't but use you whenever they need something from you.

Chin up chick x

Re: No friends...

Dippy — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 18:58:07 GMT

And although it's a sad state of affairs, it must make you feel better to see just how many "real" people actually feel exactly the same way and have had similar experiences with important celebratory events in their life?!

Re: No friends...

Sally Howe — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 18:55:05 GMT

I had the same, went into my old work place after noone turned up at my wedding reception to find the person who was supposed to hand out invrtations had binned them and not handed them out. Don't let it upset you, they can't be that good friend. Better to have 1 special friend than lots of people just there for a free knees up. x x x

Re: No friends...

Kim — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 18:05:00 GMT

This is sad, and I completely understand as well.

I've moved recently and all though I work someone large and get on so well with the people i work with, I've still found it hard to make friends. I have my boyfriend and a house mate. My family and old friends are back up in the north west, we hardly ever speak and have never arranged to meet up (I have tried several times, but with no effect). I know what it feels like and it is sad.